Noah Coco '26
Managing Editor
Many rich traditions color the student experience at this historic institution: the William Minor Lile Moot Court Competition, the PILA Auction, the 2L Midway Toast, and now, made official in the year of our Lord two thousand twenty-four, the Law Weekly’s annual ranking of 1L section softball team names.
Nestled amid the many tasks requested of new 1Ls in the bustle of orientation is the unwittingly consequential selection of a softball team name. For this third-annual edition of the Law Weekly’s 1L Section Softball Team Name Rankings, I put these names under review on their merits. Although my predecessors have employed various criteria in assessing the 1L and LL.M. softball team names, this year’s criteria include the following; (1) general vibes, (2) inclusion and quality of both legal and softball/baseball puns, and (3) originality. Yes, that means this process is highly subjective and arbitrary. Rankings are nonetheless final. Any misguided appeals should be submitted for adjudication by the Court of Petty Appeals.
First Place
Injunctive Relievers (I)
This is the high watermark of softball team names. Effortlessly whimsical. Quality legal and softball/baseball puns. The satisfyingly classic “[adjective] [nouns]” construction. Chef’s kiss. Congratulations, Section I, on this venerable honor.
Second Place
Bad News Barristers (B)
This was a tough contest. This is an objectively solid name with all the trappings of a gold medal finisher. In terms of construction, I have no notes. Just one thing bothers me, though. I admittedly have never seen the movie, so I watched the trailer of the original Bad News Bears. The trailer featured language and behavior on the baseball field that I would charitably call, erm, “uncollegial.” I needed to break the tie, so for that reason alone, second place it shall be.
Third Place
Cases Loaded (C)
Great pun, just not as great as the gold and silver medalists. Nonetheless, the invocation of impending victory creates an alluring feeling of suspense. It invites optimism that will translate into success on and off the field. And yet, it is still refreshingly simple and clean.
Fourth Place – Honorable Mention
Jurist Dingers (J)
To be honest, a single letter kept this name off the podium: the ill-fated “t.” Omitting the “t” would have given us “Juris Dingers,” which is consistent with the actual words behind the “JD” degree. At best, this was a typo worthy of depriving this name of a podium finish. At worst, Section J had no idea they were even making a pun? Seems unlikely, so I will assume the former. Either way, I like the attempt at what otherwise is a quality legal and softball pun.
Fifth Place
Dingers on Docket (D)
This name is fine, but that’s about it. Sure, there is both a legal and softball/baseball reference, but it lacks a compelling pun to pull it all together. However, I do absolutely adore alliteration, and it has an amusingly rhythmic cadence that justifies an above median ranking.
Sixth Place
Foul Play (F)
Meh. I guess I see what Section F was going for, but it just doesn’t work for me. Also, fouls aren’t a good thing—especially in baseball/softball, where it connotes only a misplaced hit becoming a strike, without even the option for violence (as in basketball)? This name does not exactly inspire exemplary on-field performance.
Seventh Place
Acing and Abatting (A)
Perhaps this surprises you, Section A. “What a great use of both legal and sports puns, and an excellent showcase of our section’s letter,” you must have thought. Alas, the second-place finisher in the inaugural 2022 ranking invoked the same pun. Points docked for lack of originality. I don’t presume you simply copied Sections A’s 2022 team name, but my own rules compel me to reach this outcome. I did tell you this ranking was arbitrary. It’s not your fault. What is your fault, though, is the curious attempt at a second pun by using the generic sports term “Acing” instead of “Aiding”? Too much is going on, and I don’t like it.
Eighth Place
Hit and Run (H)
Section H, your team name suffers similar defects as Section A. Although likely unwittingly, your team name takes from Section H’s 2023 bronze medal-winning team name, The Hit ‘N Runners. Even worse, though, you stripped it of its cute construction. What remains is a grainy picture of a photograph that merely states a command to perform the bare minimum actions necessary to win a game of softball.
Ninth Place (LL.M.s)
Omnishock
I am not really sure what the LL.M.s were going for here. Although the name has a sort of menacing character to it, it otherwise does not satisfy my ranking criteria. But fortunately, I really like the LL.M.s. Moreover, I am bound by the law of the land, and that law instructs that “1Ls always lose.”[1] I will therefore rank the LL.M.s no lower than ninth place and will happily oblige in finding 1L Sections to round out the remaining ranks.
Tenth Place
Goodwill Bunting (G)
I struggled with this one. Props to Section G for using a softball/baseball pun, but the praise abruptly ends there. Have you seen the movie you are alluding to? It’s about math. That being said, vibes alone redeem this name from relegation to “dead last,” which it indeed was until the final edit of this piece.
Dead Last
Clearly Erroneous (E)
This name is clearly lacking (Section E really teed that one up for me).[2] No puns, legal or softball related. No whimsical turn of phrase. No spark. What we have is a dry recitation of the standard of review in civil appellate proceedings found in Rule 52(a) of the Federal Rules of Civil...sorry I fell asleep while typing that. Well done finding a legal term that begins with the letter “E,” I guess. But Section E failed in any way to emphasize the “E” in the name—“E-rroneous,” “(E)rroneous,” and the like—to add character or personality to the name.
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cmz4bx@virginia.edu