Nikolai Morse ‘24
Managing Editor
Original Title: Georgetown Petitions to Change T14 to T15
Editor's Note: This story went to print before the U.S. News & World Report came out on March 28 with updated rankings. You could call it a true April Fools miracle. Enjoy this piece as a testament to a bygone era. Alternatively, wait to read it until next year when the rankings swap again.
Following its drop in ranking to #15 in the U.S. News & World Report’s 2022 law school rankings, Georgetown’s student body has petitioned the American Bar Association to change the “T14” to the “T15.” To date, the students have gathered nearly 8,000 signatures, comprised almost exclusively of current and former Georgetown Law students. Student leaders say they are confident they will prevail and that the school’s administration is fully behind them. Explaining his support for the move, Dean William Treanor of the Georgetown University Law Center said, “In what world does UCLA—or as I like to call it, Beverly Hills Chihuahua Law—get a bump over us?!? When the students told me their idea, I was 100% supportive.”
Noting that the ABA has no authority or relationship at all with the U.S. News & World Report, which publishes the annual school rankings, Reginald M. Turner, Jr., President of the ABA, said Georgetown had been persistent in its pleas. “I just don’t know how many times I can repeat myself: we don’t control the rankings. And I told them that this whole “T14” thing is made up and they should just make up their own ranking!” said Turner. Student leaders at Georgetown responded that the ABA needs to “pick a side” and warned that “if you’re not with us, you’re against us.”
Asked to comment on the ongoing controversy and on whether there was any value in having a consistent “T14,” a spokesperson for U.S. News & World Report defended their handling of the issue and emphasized the analytical rigor of its ranking system. “We have had a number of internal discussions and are giving this issue our highest attention. However, I would also like to point out that our ranking system considers a range of factors, including direct financial support to important…err…publications,” the spokesperson said. When asked to clarify whether U.S. News & World Report was soliciting bribes from law schools in exchange for rankings, the spokesperson chuckled and said, “I’ll have to get back to you another time, USC is on the other line. I hear Felicity Huffman’s kid is a 2L there—ciao!”
Students at the University of Virginia School of Law were somewhat split on the issue. While some were sympathetic to Georgetown’s plight, others gleefully reveled in the situation. Mikolai Norse ’24 asked, “For a school that rejected me for undergrad and then again for law school, who’s the reject now?” The ever-spicy 2L Class GroupMe was filled with memes referring to Georgetown as a “lesser law school.” In contrast to the active student dialogue on the issue, the Law School administration appeared unaware of the controversy. When asked to comment, Dean Risa Goluboff said “Georgetown? Never heard of it.”
Other UVA Law students expressed interest in signing the competing “T13” petition, started by students at Cornell Law School. Over a Zoom call, Cornell Law’s Student Bar Association President argued that “The reality is it has always been the T13. You guys get it, and as bad as I feel for Georgetown, they’ve just never really been one of us, you know?” When asked about rumors that other law schools were petitioning for a “T12” specifically to exclude Cornell, Cornell’s SBA President began profusely winking and fist-bumping their laptop camera, saying “that’s a good one” and “I love when we joke with each other, not like those Georgetown nerds. They just don’t get it, amirite?”
Regardless of challenges they face from competing petitions, student leaders of the petition at Georgetown Law have stated their intention to pursue their goal using any methods at their disposal. “We’re willing to take this all the way. We’ll go to the Supreme Court if we need to!” said Georgetown Law’s SBA President. Asked what legal claim they expect to bring that would result in making it to the Supreme Court, the SBA President clarified, “Oh no, I meant that literally. We’ll just go over there and talk to them since we’re so close, being right in downtown D.C. and all. I mean, we’re basically like super close, best friends who are also neighbors. Won’t be an issue.”
The Press Office for the Supreme Court issued a statement expressing support for “all the truly terrific scholarship coming out of George Mason. Recognition of their success is long, long overdue.”
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