M. Eleanor Schmalzl ‘20
Editor Emeritus
The last few weeks, members of the Law Weekly have been debating a ridiculous question: Is cereal a type of soup? I have been steadfast in saying the answer is no, but some members have refused to believe reason and logic. While our readers might not have been thinking about this absurd question, the Law Weekly is now devoting approximately 1,300 words in this week’s edition to hammer out the debate. So, if you’re tired of reading about coronavirus and falling down a hole of existential dread as you sit on your couch in your PJs for the seventh day in a row (and counting),[1] enjoy the conclusive reasoning behind the obvious answer that cereal is, in fact, not a soup.
A deep dive on the Internet reveals that this debate has been going on for quite some time and that many different sites have explored this question. People compare this to the “Is a hot dog a sandwich?” debate[2] and the pro-“cereal is a soup” folks are relentless in their ridiculous arguments. To the argument that soup is served hot, they point to the soup served cold, gazpacho, for why that can’t be the reason why cereal is not a soup. And to the argument that milk is not a broth, they point to broccoli cheddar soup—whose main “broth” ingredient is milk—for why that also can’t be the solution.[3] However, there are several reasons that, both individually and in compilation, prove all the haters wrong.
First, cereal is cereal whether or not it is served with milk. Do you know what I’m saying? Cereal in milk = cereal. Cereal not in milk = cereal. Vegetables in broth = soup. Vegetables not in broth = vegetables. I know math is hard, but it doesn’t lie. TBT to all those days of math class where, unlike law school, there was in fact a right answer. The math here shows the fundamental distinction between cereal and soup.
Second, cereal is eaten for breakfast. People who know me well know I LOVE soup (especially potato soup, the equivalent of soup heaven on earth), but even I would never be so radical as to eat soup for breakfast. “What about breakfast for dinner?” the haters start chanting. Listen, you can eat cereal at 6 p.m., no one refutes that. Potato soup at 6 a.m. though? I know you “cereal is a soup” folks have proven your unreasonableness, but let’s be above the noise and see the truth for what it is.
Third, and less convincing but still important to bring up, soups are primarily savory (check the label to see that you’re eating 47 percent of your daily serving of sodium per serving next time you whip up your favorite pre-canned cup of goodness). “But dessert soups do exist,” the haters shout. “And because dessert soups exist, cereal could be a dessert soup.” But would you eat dessert soups besides cereal for breakfast, the meal that cereal is invariably deemed to be? And do people eat cereal as their post-dinner dessert? This is madness. Stop the madness.
Fourth, soups are almost always[4] cooked or otherwise further processed beyond pouring the ingredients into the broth and dunking them with a spoon until they become saturated. Some of those among us argue cereal is also cooked because the pieces served in the box are cooked in some fashion before hitting the shelves, but this confuses the argument. It’s not about whether the individual parts of the mixture are cooked. Instead, the primary consideration here is whether the individual cereal pieces are cooked or otherwise further processed with the milk. And they aren’t. Cereal pieces are not cooked or otherwise processed with milk to create one cohesive whole, namely, soup. Look back to the math above. Cereal with milk = cereal. Cereal without milk = cereal. Cereal is not blended/cooked/combined in any such way with milk to create soup. See the light, bros. Cereal is not soup.
Fifth, one of my co-believers of the rightful fact that cereal is not soup, Leah Deskins ’21, rightfully echoes the above paragraph, saying, “[T]he relationship between the broth/cream in soup and the added ingredients and the relationship between milk and added cereal is especially important. Saying cereal in milk is soup is like saying broccoli in water is broccoli soup. Yuck. Water and milk are both single ingredients. Even tomato soup involves interactions between different ingredients, rendering it a soup.[5] It's not just water and tomatoes or something. The interactions between the ingredients in the broth/cream to make the broth/cream are important, as well as the interactions with the added ingredients (such as noodles, chicken, potatoes, etc.).”
Sixth, if you don’t believe all of this, take it from the Supreme Court that common sense rules above your belief that something “technically” belongs in a certain category. Another of my co-believers that cereal is not soup, Nate Wunderli ’22, says it best: “In 1893, the U.S. Supreme Court had to decide whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable. They admitted that botanically speaking, tomatoes are fruits, but nonetheless decided to classify them as a vegetable because the ‘common language of the people’ says they are vegetables. The same applies here. Cereal-is-a-soup folks can point to the elements of cereal and, in a roundabout way, somewhat rationally conclude that cereal is a soup. But this ignores the reality of the spoken word. Words have meaning, and that meaning comes about by a consensus among the population, and the consensus is that cereal is not soup. If someone said ‘I ate soup for breakfast,’ not even the cereal-is-a-soup folks would think that person meant they ate cereal for breakfast. Just because something shares common elements with a particular group or class of things, does not necessarily make it part of that group or class.”
Finally, Michael Schmid ’21, in response to calls by the pro-cereal is a soup anarchists of the Law Weekly GroupMe,[6] tried to address the question by pointing out how the definition of soup on dictionary.com (defining soup as “a liquid dish, typically made by boiling meat, fish, or vegetables, etc., in stock or water”[7]) does not include cereal. Schmid says, “Regarding the definition, I think it is less to do with excluding cereal from the definition of soup, but from recognizing that cereal has a limited definition which does not include soup. I believe cereal by its nature is grain-based (wheat, rice, oats etc.) and is derived from the ‘cereal grains.’ There aren't any soups I can think of that derive from cereal grains.” Further, his wisdom provides, “We don't necessarily need to refine our definition of ‘soup’ any further. Words inherently have social and contextual connotations that go beyond their definitions, and not every word/idea can be neatly given a label. To paraphrase Justice Stewart: ‘I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of [food] I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description [“soup”], and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it, and [cereal] is not that.’”
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mes5hf@virginia.edu
[1] Which I totally and obviously am not doing…
[2] Despite the 22 hours I spend in my apartment every day, I don’t have time for proper bluebooking format so please forgive me for only giving you links: https://www.debate.org/opinions/is-breakfast-cereal-a-soup.
[3] Stan Birch I will forever like you a little less for pointing this out to me in the GroupMe.
[4] And maybe always, but law school has made it impossible for me to use “always” except when talking about how often I’m right.
[5] https://www.inspiredtaste.net/27956/easy-tomato-soup-recipe/.
[6] @Taylor Elicegui.
[7] Please, someone, tell me how one thinks this definition includes cereal in the first place.