Sarah Walsh '23
Staff Editor
Pictured: Snek.
Photo Credit: Humane Society of the United States.
At first glance, the news that snakes have recently been spotted on the stairs and sidewalk by Darden should be shocking to exactly zero people. After all, in the words of Dana Lake ’23, “That’s just what business students look like.” Of course there are snakes hanging out around Darden—that’s their home. However, it has recently come to the attention of the Law Weekly staff that the snakes spotted near Darden over the past couple weeks are, in fact, actual, literal snakes (copperheads, to be specific).
And yes, you read that correctly. Darden students have been aware of the snakes for weeks. And no one thought to tell the law students? No one thought, “Hey, maybe this could be important information to know for the people who walk past our school—and now potentially right into a snake’s path—every single day”? I’d say that I’m surprised by this appalling lack of empathy, but really, this is classic snake behavior and exactly what I would expect from the “students” at Darden.
Not only have the Darden students been aware of the snakes, but it has also been reported that one of the students has already chosen to participate in snake-on-snake violence.[1] The student’s weapon of choice? Exactly what you would expect from a business student—no, not a PowerPoint with a bunch of boxes and arrows on the slides and phrases like “process optimization,” although that’s a good guess. Instead, the man struck down his reptilian brethren with the other weapon preferred by business students everywhere: a golf club. And if you’re questioning why the man was locked and loaded with a golf club at the ready while at school, my only answer is: It’s Darden. Don’t question it—accept that that’s just how business students are and move on.
So, what should you do if you find yourself faced with a snake (copperhead or otherwise) in your path? Well, not what the Darden student did. According to both Jon Peterson ’23—the Law Weekly’s resident animal expert—and the Virginia Department of Wildlife Resources,[2] your best bet is to just leave the snake alone and get as far away from it as possible, just as you would if you suddenly encountered a Darden student. Do not try to kill the snake, since this actually increases your chances of being bitten. If you want, you can call a professional to relocate the snake to a safer location (although what location a snake could be safer at than a business school is still unknown).
Unfortunately, copperheads can be extremely difficult to see when they’re not vibing on a sidewalk or the stairs of Darden, thanks to their earth-toned coloring and the fact that they usually remain motionless for long periods of time. This means that it’s fairly easy to accidentally get too close to a copperhead, which may feel threatened and strike without warning, much like a Darden student when you ask them why we don’t just print more money. Another piece of unfortunate news: copperheads are venomous. Thankfully, the venom probably won’t kill you (unlike being forced to listen to a Darden student talk about their latest consulting project), but that doesn’t mean that you should wait to seek medical attention.
If you do get bitten, the most important thing for you to do is to get to the hospital as quickly as possible, either by calling a friend who can drive you, or—if there are any severe symptoms—911.[3] Whatever you do, do not drive yourself, and do not wait around to see if symptoms get worse, even if you think the snake that bit you is harmless. In the meantime, circle the bitten area and mark the time of the bite. If you don’t have a pen or marker on you, take a picture of the bite with your phone, since the photo will have a timestamp that emergency physicians can then use to measure the progression of symptoms. Remove any constrictive clothing and/or jewelry (such as rings or watches) in case of swelling. Make sure to stay as calm and still as possible, and keep the bitten area at or below heart level. If you can do so safely, take a picture of the snake that bit you. Contrary to popular belief, you should not bring the snake itself, whether dead or alive, since deceased snakes can still envenomate. Additionally, do not do any of the following: apply a tourniquet, try to suck the venom out, take aspirin or ibuprofen, or pack the extremity in ice.
At the end of the day, the number one thing to keep in mind regarding snakes is that if you leave them alone, they’ll generally leave you alone. Just try to stay on sidewalks and steer clear of Darden (which is what most people would instinctively do anyways), and you should be fine. But remember: Not all snakes at Darden slither.
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saw8rc@virginia.edu
[1] I could have reached out to the snake-killer for comment, but that would have required speaking to a business student, and that’s something that I am simply not willing to do.
[2] https://www.washingtonpost.com/weather/2022/05/31/snakes-copperheads-safety-treatment/
[3] For more advice on what to do if bitten by a snake, see https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/snake-bites and https://www.brgeneral.org/news-blog/2022/april/snake-bite-dos-and-don-ts/.