Sarah Walsh '23
Editing Editor
Thanks to the overwhelming success (depending on how you define both “overwhelming” and “success”) of the Virginia Law Weekly’s First Annual 1L Section Softball Team Name Rankings,[1] I’m back with more rankings involving 1L section softball teams. Specifically, I’ll be ranking the sponsors for each section’s softball team. Because 1L sections have significantly less choice in who sponsors them than they have in deciding how to name their teams, it’s more or less impossible to come up with any set of criteria by which to rank the teams’ sponsors. So, unlike my ranking of 1L team names, today’s ranking system—much like the law itself—will be based almost exclusively on vibes and my own personal opinions. Teams may receive bonus points for securing sponsors who I believe suit the section particularly well, but such considerations will not be the primary factors involved in my ranking decisions.
You may notice that while there are ten 1L sections, only six teams’ sponsors are included in today’s rankings. That’s because four sections are omitted from the rankings, since Sections A, C, G, and I don’t have sponsors for their teams—at least not according to members of these sections and/or their PAs. If this information turns out to be incorrect, then that’s on the sections, not me. Do a better job of promoting your sponsor next time.
Now, let’s get into the rankings.
First: Hill & Wood Funeral Service (Section F)
Better call up your sponsor, Section F, because you just killed the competition. Getting a funeral serviceto sponsor your team goes unbelievably hard. With all due respect to every other 1L section, there was no way this sponsor wasn’t going to win the top spot. Yeah, getting a bar to sponsor your team is cool, but it doesn’t say, “Don’t mess with my team” quite like being sponsored by, again, a funeral service.
In addition to the points that they receive for having what is unquestionably the coolest sponsor this Law School has ever seen, Section F also gets points for thinking outside of the usual bars/restaurants box with their choice of sponsor. The Hill & Wood patch on their jerseys, which goes far beyond the standard sponsor logo, notches the team and their sponsor some bonus points as well. And to top it all off, Section F’s sponsor fits their team perfectly. You could not ask for a better sponsor for a team named “F for Final Judgment.” After all, what is death if not the most final of all judgments?
Second: Dürty Nelly’s (Section D)
I kind of feel like I shouldn’t be rewarding this section with a high ranking on this list after they, you know, sued me in the school paper.[2] However, I can recognize a cool sponsor when I see one.[3] I’m awarding additional points on account of the fact that the sponsor’s name uses the section’s letter, and because I can’t think of a better Charlottesville establishment to match the vibe of a team named “Public InDecency.” Way to overcome your below-average softball team name, Section D.
Third: Jack Brown’s Beer and Burger Joint (Section B)
I’ll be honest, this has less to do with the sponsor itself and more to do with the fact that my softball co-captain is Jack Brown ’23, yet for whatever reason, neither of us ever considered asking Jack Brown’s to sponsor our team. I’m thus rewarding the BARbarians for doing what Jack and I weren’t smart enough to do ourselves. Having a bar chain as a sponsor for the BARbarians also weighs in Section B’s favor, as does the bar’s logo, which I would rank as being better than that of most of the other sponsors on this list. Plus, I’ve heard good things about their burgers.
Fourth: Starr Hill Brewery and The Virginian (Section H)
Props to Section H for managing to secure two sponsors, which I’m sure helped pay for their §H-printed booty shorts. These two bars/restaurants don’t really stand out in the sponsor crowd, but Section H made great use of their sponsors’ money. While the sponsors themselves don’t necessarily match Habeas Scoreplus’s vibe (remember, this is the team that kicked off their 1L Softball Tournament quarterfinal game against Section C by yelling “HOES!” at the top of their lungs), the booty shorts that those sponsors helped pay for certainly do.
Fifth: Crozet Pizza at Buddhist Biker Bar (Section J)
First of all, this sponsor has a fantastic logo. Second of all, a couple Bar Reviews ago (specifically, the October 14 Bar Review), Crozet featured a band that, for at least ten minutes straight, played what sounded like a jazz version of the Pirates of the Caribbean theme. The utter confusion that my friends and I felt at that Bar Review as we tried to figure out what we were listening to makes this otherwise-basic sponsor a solid choice for J’s and Confused, giving them a slight edge over the sixth-place sponsor.
Sixth: Three Notch’d Craft Kitchen & Brewery (Section E)
To be clear, this isn’t a bad sponsor—it’s just not a particularly notable one. While I personally love Three Notch’d, it’s not that distinguishable from sponsors like Starr Hill and Crozet. It also doesn’t help that I was completely unaware that Section E even had a sponsor (due to the lack of logos present on their team shirt) until I asked a member of the team about it.
Regardless of where your team’s sponsor landed in these rankings, I will note that as a 1L section—rather than some powerhouse Law School organization like Lone Star Lawyers—just having a sponsor is impressive in and of itself. And, more than anything else, I respect the sponsored sections’ dedication to getting others to pay for things on their behalf. It’s heartwarming to see the 1Ls embrace the summer associate lifestyle so early in their legal careers.
---
saw8rc@virginia.edu
[1] See Sarah Walsh, Ranking 1L Section Softball Team Names, Va. L. Wkly., Sept. 21, 2022, at 3.
[2] See Complaint, 1L Section D v. Virginia Law Weekly, 75 U.Va. 5 (2022).
[3] Also, they called me a “lovely person” and “excellent softball captain” in their complaint, which I appreciate, even if they were effectively calling me a hypocrite at the same time. If you take nothing else away from this article (and honestly, why would you?), at least remember this: Ass-kissing works.