Sai Kulkarni ‘23
Production Editor
As we get closer to the end of the semester, it is time again to talk about the unholy demon that we are all contractually required to face in a trial by combat (of wits) at the end of every academic period: final exams. Now, as an experienced 2L who has gone through three such events by now, I could dedicate this to talking about my experience and helping 1Ls by telling them the best tricks I picked up. But I refuse to do that. It’s not because I haven’t picked up anything useful.[1] Not at all. It’s because I am known by my dear readers to be unhinged and comedic, and telling you the best things to do would run completely counter to that mandate. Instead, I decided to use all my experiences, and the things I’ve observed from my friends,[2] to advise you on things to avoid—it’s just more fun for you, the reader. So, here’s some things that you absolutely shouldn’t do when attempting to study for finals.
First off, if you need to rewatch classes, do NOT watch them at normal speed. I promise you, your brain can process information faster than your professors talk. But more than that, rewatching class from start to end is not enough to get you there. I had a friend do that first semester of 1L, and I continue to be astounded by how he didn’t hate watching all forms of video content by the end of it. You deserve better than torturing yourself with content you should have already seen in live form.[3] Next, it is important that if you do end up in office hours, you go with questions. I know, you are telling yourself, “I don’t know what to ask! I will simply listen to other people ask questions and take notes on the professor’s answers.” Well, dear reader, as another one of my friends found out, that’s how you get lost in the sauce, your wires crossed, and somehow find yourself waking up to the end of the Zoom. Don’t be that friend.[4]
Pictured: The Gunner Pit, a place you should avoid
Another thing to keep in mind is that taking notes based on a professor’s slides on Canvas or their end-of-class recaps, especially handwriting them so you remember, is not something that works for most classes or students.[5] The friend who inspired this tip is one I love dearly, but even she admits that she had zero fun handwriting those class recaps. Don’t be like her,[6] and instead, simply print out or copy-and-paste that content into your computer notes. I know you want to be a hipster, and you think handwriting is “more efficient” and “better for learning” and that, “maybe you should do it Sai, you might get better grades,” but you are wrong. Be better: Be lazy. You should also keep in mind that getting seventeen[7] different outlines for one class is probably not the answer, either. Not only is so much of the content crossover, but the task of putting it all together is not worth the energy. You are better off attempting to beg your transactional friends to “just throw in the towel” because they “definitely don’t need this” and “better grades won’t make that big hole in their heart where the BigLaw money will go any smaller” in order to make the curve easier to beat.[8]
Finally, and most importantly, do not isolate yourself in the library. I know it seems compelling—“Ah yes, I shall avoid everyone, be dedicated, and drown my stress and feelings in studying,” but that isn’t healthy. This one, you can take from me. The number one tool for success isn’t shutting yourself out; it’s letting people in. It might be going to the same friend’s apartment every day for a month to party after a day of studying. It could be refusing to slow down your partying and hanging out with the same five people for the three weeks leading up to the end of finals. Either way, that’s healthier than disappearing into the library every day and only giving yourself fifteen minutes of social interaction every two hours, combined with Snapchats to remind your friends that you are alive. It’s an unhealthy way to study, and you deserve better. Or maybe this is me scaring you away from the best way to study so that I can beat you all on the curve. Anything is possible when you are reading an article written by me.
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omk6cg@virginia.edu
[1] This is why. I still don’t know how to do finals properly. Please help.
[2] I will not be mentioning anyone by name here; I love all of you and refuse to put a name to the roasts.
[3] Don’t expect me to outright tell you to pay attention in class, that goes against the theme.
[4] I imagine this is not relevant for in-person office hours, but to the best of my knowledge, some professors are still offering Zoom office hours. Hence, this joke.
[5] Except for classes with Professor Bamzai. A true leader of the people, most of his content is in the slides.
[6] In this one way. She is a fashion icon, though, and more people should be inspired by that.
[7] Yes, one friend actually got this many. Her dedication and existence terrify me.
[8] These statements were said sarcastically by a friend, but part of me is sure that some part of him meant it.