Anne Reyna ‘23
Staff Writer
Well, well, well, if it isn’t all of my favorite and least favorite peers back on Grounds for another thrilling, yet predictable, year in the oh-so-glamorous Charlottesville, Virginia. I’d like to specifically welcome back all the 3Ls who moved up a tax bracket this summer and finally made their parents proud of them; it’s been a longtime coming guys, but we finally did it. While life as a 3L will no doubt only consist of bar trip planning and eating at all the expensive Charlottesville restaurants we couldn’t afford before, I did miraculously find time in my schedule to offer some insight into summer associate life for those less fortunate non-3Ls. So, let’s get right to it. While most of you will waste your time going through the “how was your summer” pleasantries, I skipped right to the important part and asked the real hard-hitting journalism question everyone wanted the answer to:What summer associate drama did everyone get up to while still securing that BigLaw job offer?
On an official note, the Law Weekly of course does not endorse or recommend any of the following actions, as hiring results will vary greatly by firm. For example, there’s no telling whether a firm like Watham and Latkins will tolerate the same shenanigans as Kooley. And before OPP starts having a panic attack, we must disclose that none of these stories are about any flawless UVA Law students, who are model summer associates swimming in job offers and spectacular end-of-summer reviews. Instead, all of these occurrences are about students from much weirder, less collegial schools with inferior career departments who forgot to tell them not to light anything on fire in the office over the summer.[1]
Despite the overwhelming data that 97 percent of summer associates received an offer from their summer firm,[2] there will always be that little voice inside your head saying, “Oh no, they hate me, why would they hire me, I’m an idiot.” As a certified voice of reason, I’m here to help you squash your fears and hopefully save you from being that summer associate who has so much no-offer anxiety that they never shut up about it. So first, let’s hear what a 3L at a big New York firm had to say about her summer class: “My summer class was definitely one that pushed the boundaries of the firm and probably what the partners were comfortable with. We had one summer associate who vlogged her entire summer experience and uploaded it to YouTube, including footage of partners’ house parties and riding in their cars, as well as all around the office, which everyone found pretty weird and invasive, but not only did she get an offer, they also doubled her scholarship to entice her to return.” Another 3L New York summer described her summer class as “brave, but also crazy,” as she described how one summer associate once felt some slight homophobia among some of the older partners, so she decided to take it upon herself to serenade these partners by singing “I Kissed a Girl” by Katy Perry at a small firm karaoke event. Not only did this summer receive an offer, they also asked her to conduct interviews at her school’s OCI for them.
Now you might be thinking, “Okay, those things are pretty interesting things to do at a job, but what if I seriously screw up?” Well, have I got more stories for you. A summer associate from D.C. had this to say about his small summer class: “Going into the summer, I thought D.C. was going to be a lot more competitive, given the smaller class sizes. While New York firms have fifty-plus summer associates, most D.C. firms have less than twenty, so it’s a little harder to blend into the background. However, after I saw one of my other summer associates repeatedly be denied alcohol at an open-bar event for being too intoxicated and then not only watched him pass out, but also his date, I for sure thought he was done for. And yet, when offers started going out, he received one, just like the rest of us, and I realized I was being stupid for thinking my typos would do me in.” Some other stories that resulted in job offers include taking your shirt off at a firm event, being caught smoking questionably legal substances on the firm’s rooftop, wearing shorts to the office, and the most cardinal sin of all: replying all to every email this summer.
So, all you 1L and 2L private sector sellout wannabes, if you’re worrying about how serious the no-offer curse is, relax. It will probably be fine. I mean, summer associates have definitely been fired for less, don’t get me wrong, but, you know, good luck.
Sincerely, an exhausted but employed 3L.
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agr5ag@virginia.edu