Andrew Allard '25
Editor-in-Chief
On the Monday before spring break, the Supreme Court (known to some as the “nine greatest experts on the Internet”) held oral arguments in the NetChoice Cases.[1] The cases involve two laws passed by Florida and Texas that aim to restrict social media platforms’ content moderation practices.
While some observers have speculated that the cases could generate a watershed moment in First Amendment law and internet freedom, the oral arguments held in late February seem to have abated those concerns for now. It appeared likely that the Justices would take a narrower path and avoid defining the precise contours of social media platforms’ editorial rights at this stage.
But for what the arguments lacked in legal drama, they made up for in silliness and ineptitudes resulting from the Justices’ and the advocates’ … less-than-complete understanding of internet culture. So, in celebration of our (hopefully) retained internet freedom, without further ado: the top moments from the NetChoice Cases.
Pictured: Ancient artifacts from the Tide Pod contest
Photo Credit: Harvard Health
1. “They [social media platforms] can discriminate against particular groups that they don't like, whether it's a group that encourages kids to take the Tide Pod contest or something else.”
This first banger comes from none other than the Chief Justice himself, John Roberts. During the first argument, Justice Barrett and counsel for NetChoice, Paul Clement, both mentioned the Tide Pod challenge. So naturally, Justice Roberts, mustering as much “how do you do, fellow kids?” energy as his sixty-nine-year-old[2] self could, decided to join the fun. I’m not sure what the Tide Pod “contest” is, but I know that Justice Roberts is winning it.
2. “You know, the expression like, you know, sir, this is a Wendy's.”
Aaron Nielson’s awkward use of this phrase revealed a slightly better command of Internet culture than that of the Chief Justice, but that’s not saying much. Nielson, counsel for Texas in Paxton, said this seemingly in an effort to rebut the argument that social media platforms have editorial rights and assert that they are instead more like telephone companies. Yeah, I don’t get it either. But then, hey, does anyone think the Justices even know what this phrase means when used correctly? Well, maybe Justice Kagan does.
3. “I’ve been fortunate or unfortunate to have been here for most of the development of the Internet.”
In fairness, Justice Thomas didn’t really get anything wrong here. Thomas took his seat on the Court in 1991, and Section 230—which to some extent “created” the modern Internet—was passed five years later. Despite this experience, Thomas seems to be the least online member of the Supreme Court. My guess is he feels more unfortunate than fortunate to have been along for this ride.
4. “Twitter users one day woke up and found themselves to be X users and the content rules had changed and their feeds changed, and all of a sudden they were getting a different online newspaper, so to speak, in a metaphorical sense every morning, and a lot of Twitter users thought that was great, and a lot of Twitter users thought that was horrible . . . .”
Do I even have to tell you that this was Justice Kagan? Legend. If this example seems awfully specific, that might be because of Kagan’s (in)famous anonymous Twitter account.[3] One can only guess if Justice Kagan is in the camp of users who thought the Elon Musk/X makeover was “great” or “horrible.” Hm…
5. Honorable mention: “I want to have a Catholic website. I can keep off somebody who’s a notorious Protestant.”
Honestly, this one from Paul Clement has nothing to do with Internet cultural knowledge or a lack thereof. But the phrase “notorious Protestant” made me laugh, so I felt the need to include it.
Someday, we, too, will awkwardly try to talk about new things we don’t fully understand. And the very successful among us will perhaps even get to do so in the esteemed halls of the Supreme Court. But for now, I’ll continue to point and laugh at those who are older and no longer in the loop.
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tya2us@virginia.edu