Nicky Demitry '26
Production Editor
In a stunning turn of events, local developer Wyatt Güy (it’s German) has declared his intention to exercise a lesser-known legal maneuver known as “imminent domain” in order to seize control of the long-abandoned Dewberry building in downtown C’ville.
While most citizens are familiar with the concept of eminent domain, where the government can acquire private property for public use, imminent domain flips this attribute of political sovereignty on its head. In this case, it is the citizen(s) who are eager to acquire the government's property, or at least hold it hostage until something is done about it.[1]
Pictured: Rat King asserts adverse possession of Dewberry Building
Photo Credit: Nicky Demitry
Güy, known for his bold real estate ventures and penchant for controversy, has vowed to "rescue" the Dewberry building from its roughly 15-year slumber. However, his plan involves a hefty price tag for the city – a sum that many speculate could rival the GDP of a small country.
"It's simple economics," Güy explained with a smirk. “The City has neglected this prime real estate for far too long. Now, they'll have to pay the price – quite literally.”
The Dewberry building, also called the “rotting heart of Charlottesville,”[2] “the Parthenon of C’ville,” and “the lair of Ushegrim the Plaguebringer and His Rat Horde,” has become a notorious eyesore for over a decade. Its hulking metal frame serves as a grim reminder of bureaucratic inertia, also sometimes called “70k a year in property taxes to the city.”[3]
"It's about time someone took matters into their own hands," remarked local resident Sheila Thompson. "If the city won't do anything about it, why not let someone else have a go? Like the rats? They need a place to live too. When does adverse possession kick in?”
But not everyone is amused by Güy’s audacious scheme. City officials have called his bluff, insisting that they have no intention of relinquishing control of the Dewberry building – at least not without a fight.
Pictured: Victims of Rat King
Photo Credit: Nicky Demitry
"The Doctrine of Imminent Domain does not apply when we refuse to acknowledge or take actual possession of the property,” argued Vice Mayor Prian Binkston. “The Dewberry still technically belongs to John Dewberry, who pays us to keep this rat party going. And more importantly, do you wish to anger the rǎtş? Have you looked upon the face of the Rat-King? Have you ever felt real fear?”
Meanwhile, Güy remains undeterred, confident that he holds all the cards in this high-stakes game of rat real estate roulette. “Imminent domain, eminent domain – call it what you will,” Güy quipped. "But at the end of the day, it's all about who's got the deepest pockets—NOT the biggest or most mutant rats, trust me on that.”
As the battle for control of the Hellsmouth Dewberry building heats up, one thing is certain: we cannot—cannot—anger the rǎtş.[4]
---
ncd8kt@virginia.edu
[1] This doctrine has most notably been used in recent times in defense of the “insurrectionists” that “stormed the Capitol Building.” Their counsel, an “attorney” who has “not yet passed the bar,” and goes only by her initials (NCD) went on record wearing a balaclava to say, “This bold new legal strategy asserts that these Patriots were merely exercising their right to ‘imminent domain.’ We all know that eminent—I mean, imminent domain is an inherent attribute of political sovereignty. My clients are aware that imminent domain mandates that the property seized be utilized for “public good,” and maintain their seizure of a table from the Lower West Terrace of the Capitol Building was indeed for public good. As in, members of the ‘public’ put it to ‘good’ use by reimagining it as a battering ram against the police.” See CBS News, Conservative social media influencer charged for her role in Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol.
[2] “They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night…Have we not a perpetual inclination, in the teeth of our best judgment, to violate that which is Law, merely because we understand it to be such?...it is the beating of his hideous heart!” -MontrealBagelFan on Reddit, obviously referencing Poe.
[3] The city says the developer paid $71,902.08 in 2022, and $70,693.26 in 2021. See 29 News, The Dewberry stands empty, and it’s silence from the developers.
[4] I’d like to go on record stating that I legit love rats, but I do divide them into Day Rats and Night Rats, and the Night Rats once stole a scallop from me. Also, how funny is it that the city tried to file a blight suit in 2013 and Dewberry was literally just like “nah.” Bro this isn’t even your building anymore, it belongs to the rats.