Julia D'Rozario '24
New Media Editor
Welcome back to the Law School Astrology series. This week’s Law Weekly will be the last edition of my 3L year, making this the third, and final, installment of the series. It’s bittersweet—bitter, because I love writing these, and sweet, because I’ll finally be able to stop looking over my shoulder for enraged, pitchfork-wielding Sagittarians.[1] With that said, keep reading for one last poorly researched, deeply biased take: Which Law School class are you, based on your zodiac sign?
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Patent Law
Capricorns have an unfortunate reputation for being snobby and unapproachable. But the truth is, you’re really not! People are intimidated by your intellect and don’t take the time to get to know you and realize that you can actually be incredibly fun. For this reason, you are Patent Law. I’m in the class now, and the number of people who have told me that they “could never” is absurd. If you’re reading this and have an interest in intellectual property, just go for it. I swear you don’t need a tech background. Capricorn, you may feel like people just don’t “get” you… and you’d be right. But I really like you anyway.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Torts
Aquarians are the human equivalent to those Torts fact-patterns they teach to 1Ls. Every once in a while, you’ll encounter one that’s borderline normal. But the other 99% of the time your immediate thought is just, “how in the ever-loving f*** did this happen?” How does a snail get into a ginger beer? Who takes a bunch of sheep on a boat and just lets them roam loose on board? Why would you ever get on The Flopper if you didn’t want to fracture your knees?
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Legal Aid Justice Center Clinics
Pisceans are widely considered to be the “empaths” of the zodiac. You are known for being tender-hearted and emotional; this, in turn, makes you sympathetic to the needs of the people around you. Like the various Legal Aid clinics, you are driven by your desire to help others.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
Negotiation
You are fun, I’ll give you that. But you’re also entirely unhinged. You’re essentially a permanent manifestation of the unscrupulous, shenanigan-prone negotiation goblin that emerges from the depths of the human psyche during an in-class Negotiation simulation exercise. And, like those Negotiation simulations, my memories of you trigger my fight-or-flight response.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Seminar in Ethical Values
If you’ve ever taken a Seminar in Ethical Values, and if you’ve ever met a Taurus, you know this comparison is a no-brainer. I’ve previously compared Tauruses to a fuzzy blanket or a sunny Spring afternoon—which is to say, laid-back, wholesome, peaceful. Seminars in Ethical Values have that exact same vibe. I like.
Gemini (May 21 – June 21)
Constitutional Law
Gemini, as a constellation, is known as “the Twins”, and Geminis are recognized for their inherent duality. At your best, you are flexible, easy-going, and curious about the world around you. At your worst, however, you can be non-committal, inconsistent, and flaky. Like Constitutional Law.[2]
Cancer (June 22 – July 22)
Law and Literature
I quite literally recommend this class to everyone. It’s fun, unique, and has made an immensely positive impact on my time in law school. There is also no other class in the law school where you will read something and then get asked, “how did that make you feel?” Like Law and Literature, I believe everyone needs an emotional-support Cancer to improve their law school experience and talk about their feelings with.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Advanced Verbal Persuasion
Leos are known for being charismatic, warm-hearted, and extremely confident—you’re never afraid to take center stage. For this reason, you are Persuasion. I’m in the class now, and I love it. I can be very quiet,[3] and I get nervous before giving a speech, but the class is so welcoming and gentle in nature that it’s slowly pulling me out of my shell. Leo, like Persuasion, your confidence and welcoming nature inspire those around you–even if your extroversion makes us want to hide from you at first.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Evidence
Firstly, I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that both Virgos and Evidence are excessively fixated on rules and order… to the point that no one is having fun anymore. But also, If you’ve read the other installments of this series, you know that I have a long and troubled history of Virgo-related emotional anguish. Therefore, despite recognizing your many good qualities, I choose to actively avoid you. Just as I have avoided taking Evidence, despite being informed like twice a day that I’ll need it for the Bar . . .[4] Vir-Go away.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Fed Courts
I’ve written in the past about how Libras are the aesthetes of the zodiac—you are known for being a lover of art, philosophy and intellectualism. While this can manifest as external appreciation, it can also manifest as internal hyper-awareness… you’re extremely concerned with how others perceive you and often find yourself doing things not because you want to, but because you think it will impress others. Like taking Fed Courts. I promise, you don’t have to do this to yourself. No one else cares.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Repugnant Transactions
Scorpios are often known for their fascination with the weirder, more taboo sides of humanity. Your friend who watches Vice Informer videos in his free time? A Scorpio. Your friend with a My Strange Addiction addiction? Also a Scorpio. Your friend who took Repugnant Transactions, and now won’t stop talking to you about blood and plasma sales, illicit organ markets, sex work, and drug legalization? You guessed it—a Scorpio.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Civil Procedure
Why are you the way that you are?
In all seriousness, having been subject to my anti-Sagittarius bias in the last two articles, you may be here searching for answers. Like Civil Procedure, you find yourself thinking, “am I really that bad? Or am I just complicated?” The truth is that you are both complicated and that bad.[5]
---
jkd2dd@virginia.edu
[1] See Julia D’Rozario, Which Niche Area of the Law School Are You, Based on Your Zodiac Sign, Law Weekly, Sep. 21, 2022; Julia D’Rozario, Which Law School Event Are You, Based on your Zodiac Sign, Law Weekly, Sep. 20, 2023. (in which I was extremely mean to Sagittarians, because it’s my article and I can do what I want).
[2] To quote Nikolai Morse ’24, the Chief Justice Emeritus of this fine paper, “Con law is Gemini. Two-sided, always changing, and contradictory. And also moody."
[3] Yes, when I’m not running my mouth about astrology, I’m fairly quiet.
[4] People keep telling me this. I would have had to learn it for the Bar even if I took the class. Rules have a way of flying out of my brain 0.2 seconds after the final.
[5] Last ever Sagittarius disclaimer: as I mentioned in parts one and two, I actually like you. Truth be told, several of my closest friends are Sagittarians. But I do also have exactly one mortal enemy, who is also a Sagittarius. And hell hath no fury like an astrology girl with a keyboard.