M. Eleanor Schmalzl ‘20
Hot Bench with Eleanor Schmalzl ’20
Deposed EIC of Law Weekly and Softball Nerd
Hi Eleanor, after three years of working on Law Weekly, you are finally eligible to be Hot Benched. I hope you’re pumped! Now, please tell our readers how you like your pizza.
Extra cheese, extra pickle, cheesy crust. And if anyone thinks that’s weird, they can come to Law Weekly, SL 279 on Mondays at 5:30 p.m. to try it for themselves.
Okay, but seriously, where did the pickle thing come from?
Thinking back, it came from my mom. She's from a small town called Maysville, Kentucky, and there’s a pizza place there owned by my cousin’s dad (like I said, small town) and one of their specialties is pizza with pickles. My mom gave us pickles with pizza as kids and my siblings and I all love it.
I see! And did you grow up in Kentucky?
I’m from Walton, Kentucky, a growing city about thirty minutes south of Cincinnati, Ohio.
That’s fascinating, so what’s great about Walton?
It’s a pretty nice area with a really good school system and good homes, but it also has that Kentucky flavor of being Southern. We had a “ride your tractor to school” day in high school, horse and cow fields that sit next to the country roads, and prominent Southern accents.
Tell us more about that good ol’ Kentucky southernness.
Wish I could debunk the rumors, but I do know someone who has married and had a love child with his cousin... But all the stuff about Kentucky bourbon and horse racing is true, too. People are obsessed. Those are the good things that I like to focus on.
When did you start thinking about law school?
Middle school/early high school. I knew I wanted to come to UVA Law––it was the only school I applied to and, despite that arguably foolish decision, it worked out. My parents both came to the Law School and met on Copeley Field, so I grew up hearing stories about UVA Law (but really, about UVA Law softball. They didn’t mention the fact that law school here is actually challenging).
So I take it you were rearing to jump into 1L softball?
Oh yeah, you can ask anyone in my section. I was the softball gunner, as ridiculous as that sounds. We still have a section team, currently named The Apples (don’t get me started on the name), and it’s been one of my favorite things at the Law School.
Speaking of favorite things at the law school, let’s bust out an old favorite! What are the 7 wonders of the law school?
The snakes that live under the WB floorboards
The UVA Law art collection
Lisa Napier’s sunshine of a personality
The third floor of Slaughter, and all the hidden Slaughter Hall staircases generally
The theft of the RFK bust
The temperature of the WB classrooms
The swimming pool on the roof
What’s something that would surprise our readers about you?
I’m afraid of railroad tracks. The first time I ever heard about railroad tracks, it was in a story my mom told me about how her horses got hit on railroad tracks. Torts didn’t help much with alleviating this fear. I cross them only when necessary.
What’s something you know now that you would tell yourself coming into Law School?
That it goes really fast. You should only commit to stuff you really care about, because people are always happy to add to your plate if you’ll let them. You have to have your priorities straight, whether that’s student organizations, school, going to wineries with friends, or getting to live up to the 3L stereotype of doing nothing at all.
What have been your core priorities at the Law School?
The Law Weekly, NGSL, and probably my section and my relationships with people here––I try to prioritize time for fun, and school...kind of, when there’s time for it.
What does NGSL do?
So, contrary to popular belief, we do great things. As a 501(c)(3) charitable organization, we donate $20,000 a year to ReadyKids, an organization that helps youths deal with trauma and creates better opportunities for them to beat the odds and find the best life that they can. We’ve donated a quarter million to ReadyKids thanks to NGSL’s annual softball invitational (April 3-5 this year) and everyone should come out!
Let’s do a lightning round!
Favorite food?
Spaghetti. I eat it the night before every exam.
Anti-Stress Hobby?
Sleeping, sometimes working out, and eating too many snacks (if you believe in such a thing).
Favorite word?
Malapropism. I very often use the wrong word in common sayings or phrases (fun fact: you “home in” on something, not “hone in”), which is what malapropism refers to (mistakenly using a wrong word that sounds similar to the word you meant). When I use the wrong word and sound silly in the process, I bust this word out to try and cover up my poor vocabulary.
What’s one movie that left an impression on you?
A Knight’s Tale.
If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?
Pay half of it to taxes––honestly, that’s the reality––and spend the other half finding ways to complain about it.
If you could pick one song to play in the background of your life, what would it be?
“Party in the USA,” Miley Cyrus.
Is cereal soup? Why or why not?
What? No, it’s not soup. I’m a soup expert (you can ask my roommates, I eat soup four times a week). And soup is, by my expert definition, served hot. Cereal objectively does not qualify.
What inanimate object do you wish you could eliminate from existence?
Onions. They’re gross. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ordered something off a menu that doesn’t list onions in the ingredients and then, surprise, there are onions. The worst.
If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be?
This might sound harsh, but I’m a big believer that the only person who can ask hypotheticals in class is the one writing and grading our exams. Student hypos never end well.
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mes5hf@virginia.edu