Phil Tonseth ‘22
Production Editor
Founded in 1948, the Law Weekly has regaled students with the antics that have occurred on North Grounds for the past seventy years.[1] Composed of students who, instead of miserably attempting to write onto Virginia Law Review, would rather write entertaining pieces or detail current events around the school, the Law Weekly boasts a robust membership and contributor base. Published weekly, the Law Weekly is not just for lighthearted stories about Barristers, Foxfield, or visiting speakers. The newspaper can also hang its hat on the fact that it has been cited by the Supreme Court[2], the Fifth Circuit[3], and numerous other state supreme courts.
How can you join such an illustrious organization, and are there any cool incentives to do so? The Law Weekly wishes for everyone with an opinion to join, from all walks of life and all organizations. In fact, after attending three of our weekly editing meetings, an attendee officially becomes a ‘Staff Editor’, which, if you’re asking the author, is a pretty cool resume addition.
What would you do as a member of the Law Weekly, and does being a ‘Staff Editor’ mean having responsibilities? At its base, the position doesn’t require any formal work; rather, one can work/help as much as they wish.[4] Members are asked to edit pieces submitted by the various authors for grammar and spelling and to help contribute fun ideas for articles. Plus, if a member has a particular interest, they’re encouraged to write to their heart’s desire about such topic.[5]
Why would you want to give yourself more work by joining this organization? Well, first, the Law Weekly is the funniest band of misfits around the Law School. We turn all of our gripes into weekly opinions on the Court of Petty Appeals, channel our frustrations into the comments section, “Around North Grounds,” and share the funniest professor quotes we hear with the masses. Additionally, pre- (and hopefully post-) COVID, we have free Domino’s pizza at each weekly meeting. Lastly, we also have a corner office in Slaughter Hall with a brand new refrigerator and coffee maker. I cannot sweeten this offer any further.
If you’ve gotten this far in the article, I applaud you. However, I need to provide a disclaimer that, while all of the above information is accurate, I was contractually bound to write it. Here’s the real truth. Ever read 1984 by George Orwell? Did you notice that it came out in 1949, a year after the Law Weekly was founded? If you made that connection, I hope you also connected the dots and noticed the similarities between the Ministry of Truth and the Law Weekly. The Law Weekly is the underground organization that controls what is fact around these parts, and we work hard to make sure our narratives fit those truths.[6] You may be thinking, this would violate the First Amendment and chill speech, especially in a time when political commentators are facetiously arguing for ‘alternative facts.’ You may even attempt to use my boy Scalia’s own remarks against me, when he said “[t]he mere fact that a private individual can chill somebody's speech does not say, well, since a private individual can do it, you know, the ‘Ministry of Truth’ can do it.”[7] Respectfully, we disagree.
Pictured: Where truth is formed, pizza is served, and the Law Weekly controls the world. Photo Courtesy of reddit.com
At its core, the Law Weekly is its own propaganda machine.[8] We alter the facts to fit our own desired narrative, often requiring the Law School to change its tactics to continue to appease us.[9] What I didn’t tell you about our office is that it's strategically located directly above the dumpster behind the Law School. Ever wonder where graded exams go that students thought they did well on? Our dumpster. Ever wonder where positive articles go about politically charged student organizations? Our dumpster. Ever wonder why the administration continues to let us post ridiculous stories about ranking bread, playing Zelda, or Call Her Daddy? The administration knows we can throw them in our dumpster.
We chose to spotlight our club, the Ministry of Truth, both as an invitation and a warning. For all of those with similar worldviews who like pizza, you are more than welcome to join our pseudo-cult. For those students who believe you can undermine us, good luck and come give it a shot. We are both the institution and the resistance. We are absolute and never wrong. We are Big Brother. Join at your own risk.
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pjt5hm@virginia.edu
[1] https://www.lawweekly.org/about-virginia-law-weekly
[2] Patterson v. New York, 432 U.S. 197 (1977)
[3] Thermo King v. White's Trucking Service, 292 F.2d 668 (5th Cir. 1961).
[4] See, another reason why Law Weekly is more fun than being on a journal.
[5] See Love in the Time of Corona by Ben Stievetar ’22 or the multiple features on Antitrust by Donna Faye Imadi ’22.
[6] DISCLAIMER: the Law Weekly takes pride in publishing true and honest news stories.
[7]https://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2014/04/22/supreme-court-reviews-ministry-of-truth-election-speech-case
[8] We are an actual news organization; this is all satire. Please don’t take this or me seriously.
[9] For instance, we forced Student Affairs to bring back Weekly Wind-down Fridays because we wanted more cookies in 1L Cookie Monsters v. UVA, 370 U.Va 100 (2020).