Stan Birch ‘22
Interviewed by Phil Tonseth ‘22
Hi Stan the Man! Welcome to the Hot Bench! Our readers have heard a lot from you over the years, so I’d like to switch up our usual questions to probe deeper into what makes Stan tick. But first, tell us where you’re from and why you decided to become a lawyer?
First, I’d like to apologize to the readers for everything I’ve ever said but thank them for their continued audience. I will always call Atlanta, Georgia, home. I grew up in Atlanta, went to high school in Connecticut, then moved back home to Atlanta for college. I grew up surrounded by the law. At the age of five, I appeared before a Federal Judge to argue the most important case of my life so far: Bicycle Riding v. Overprotective Parents. The Honorable Judge Birch was direct with his questions, but I had prepared my argument for months. When the opinion was published, I didn’t have to prepare an appeal, I had won. I walked away from that living room courtroom with a bicycle and one thought, “I never want to be a lawyer.” I started undergrad as an engineering major, but was roped into the mock trial team as a witness since I had acted before college. I wasn’t enjoying engineering, and after I did some legal research for a professor: the rest is history. My mom likes to say that I fought the law and the law won.
Okay now the hard stuff, is a hotdog a sandwich, and why?
Oof. Coming out the gate with a controversial question. On the advice of counsel, I will not be answering.
If you were reincarnated to be any zoo animal, which would you be and why?
A Galapagos Penguin. They live in a tropical paradise, swim around so fast, and seem to have a pretty great life. If I had to be in a zoo though: Panda. It seems like a pretty chill day, taking naps, eating bamboo, and falling off of things.
Do you have plans to be productive as a 3L, beyond sharing notes with me in PR? If yes, why?
I’m trying to stay on top of things like everyone else, but definitely planning on enjoying Charlottesville as much as I can. I’ve started working on my pilot’s license, and my class schedule is conducive to getting plenty of flying time in.[1] I’ll definitely aim to be active outside of the classroom, but if I let things slip too much in class, I just feel guilty.
When you look in the mirror, what’s the first word you think?
Oh…
I see that on your Instagram, you like to scuba dive. Would you rather wear a mask and snorkel or a cloth face mask on an everyday basis?
Here in the Law School? A cloth face mask. I think it’d be much weirder and much more annoying for everyone else if I was in a dive mask and snorkel. If I could find a way to be a lawyer and wear a mask and snorkel as often as possible, that’s the dream.
If you were a kitchen appliance, which would you be?
A blender. It looks nice and is meant to make healthy things, but makes way too much noise and usually just makes frozen drinks.
What would your “real housewife” catch phrase be?
“In my defense…”
It’s the end of the world, what four other people would you pick to be on your apocalypse survival team?
I feel like I have to say you, but you’re also not a poor choice to make it relatively far. I’d bring my significant other along, since she’s also in good shape and has put up with me this far. I’ll throw a celebrity in here and say The Rock. I feel like he’s usefully fit and would help to keep spirits up. Also, every movie where he’s just a “regular guy” ends with him saving the world, so he’s had some practice. Finally, someone who’s just the slightest bit slower than me in case we really get into a tough spot.
Knowing what you do now, would you go back in time to still come to law school?
As long as it was Virginia, absolutely.
You have a pretty dope car collection. Tell me about them and how you got interested in cars.
A: I think the thing that started it all was a model of a 1965 Mustang a family friend gave my parents for my first birthday. It was a really detailed model that I admired as I grew up and was a car that was around when my dad was in college. It’s still one of my favorite cars of all time, and I’m lucky that I have one myself now. My first car was older than me and broke down consistently when I needed to get somewhere, so I got used to making quick repairs and it kept me interested in how everything under the hood works. I’ve rewired and modified an old Honda motorcycle as well, but I keep that in storage mostly as a project. Around Charlottesville you can see me cruising when the weather is nice or at one of the car meets at Barracks Road.
In being able to call myself your friend, I know you frequently brew your own libations. How tricky is the process and what’s your favorite batch from Blackbirch Brewing?
The process isn’t all that tricky and was a great hobby my significant other and I picked up in quarantine. At first it just takes time and involves following directions like baking something would. Recently we’ve been crafting our own recipes and just made a Tropical IPA called Queen ‘Rona’s Revenge that we are very proud of. Three months in fermentation is the longest a beer we’ve made has taken, but I don’t think we’ll make another Belgian Tripel anytime soon. Happy to share for those of appropriate age and eventually, when it’s safe to have house parties again, I’ll host a tasting.
With so much power as the Managing Editor of the Law Weekly, comes much responsibility. What are your plans to exercise the power of Big Brother this year?
Between the Law Weekly and Libel, my goal will be to accurately represent what life at the Law School is like in an enjoyable way. As far as influencing and controlling the masses, I leave that behavior to my much more motivated Editor-in-Chief, whom I will constantly attempt to reign in.
What’s been your favorite thing about UVA Law?
Readers like you. No really, the people I’ve met at UVA that I get to call my peers are the best thing about our corner of North Grounds. It’s pretty and all, the faculty are great, and we’re getting a phenomenal education, but it would all be so much worse if I wasn’t doing it alongside all of you. To everyone I have met, welcome back. To everyone I haven’t, I look forward to meeting you soon.
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sfb9yu@virginia.edu
[1] The author has been informed he will be going for a flight eventually, but will be updating his life insurance policy beforehand.