Barrister’s revelers. Top row from left to right: Luke Smalanskas, Kareem Ramadan ’20, Jake Rush ’20, Ben Bhamdeo ’20, Ethan Silverman ’21. Front row from left to right: Anna Noone ’20, Megan Mers ’20, Allie Block ’20, Kayla Seltzer ’20. Photo credit Kolleen Gladden ’21.
Phil Tonseth ‘22
Staff Editor
7:53 a.m.: Wake up, crack a cold one. Senior prom way back in 2011 didn’t go as well as it could’ve,[1] so today will make up for everything that night wasn’t.
8:02 a.m.: I lace up the Nikes™ to get a jog in. I specifically tailored my pants to show off my assets, so this run is my last hope I don’t split my pants breaking it down to “hot girl bummer.”
8:19 a.m.: That was the worst two miles I have ever run in my life. Bud Light burps don’t coincide well with regrets over running at 8 a.m. on a Saturday.
8:20 a.m.: Bud Light Seltzers are both delicious and also water-like. Classic form of both hydration and intoxication. Cheers to you, Bud.
11:31 a.m.: Turning twenty-seven next week means it takes a three-hour nap post-run to recover. Time to start the day, part two.
11:32 a.m.: In typical 1L fashion, I’m doing homework on the weekend. Will I remember any of this ConLaw on Monday? Doubtful, but that’s equally attributable to my pending drunkeness as to ConLaw being utterly made up nonsense.
2:05 p.m.: Football is back on TV. I have abandoned all hope of productivity for today. Bud Light, DiGiornos, and the XFL. Could this be more American?
3:17 p.m.: It’s not drinking alone when you get your two cats to have a glass of Pinot Meow and Mos-Cat-o with you.[2]
6:13 p.m.: My mandatory friends,[3] who I know voluntarily hang out with me, have catered in Italian food for our pre-game. I lovingly support this suggestion, because it’s a classy way to request pizza. However, thumbs down to Charlottesville for not having an Olive Garden. That’s true Italian-o.
7:22 p.m.: I asked for one thing for my birthday: a dinosaur tie-tack. I have lost said tie-tack. I am morose.[4]
7:23 p.m.: My girlfriend has informed me that she already put my tie-tack on me, as she knew I’d forget it. At least one of us is smart; she’s earned her keep. Maybe forgetting my tie-tack on my chest is a sign, I should slow down on the beers. Then again, I paid $65 for an open bar and will get my money’s worth. Sorry, Mom.
8:10 p.m.: I showed up fashionably on time. Benefits? The open food bar had pizza and chicken and waffle bites. I should’ve worn expandable pants.
8:43 p.m.: $2 for a professional picture? That was a steal. I crossed off a new headshot for LinkedIn, my next Christmas card, and something to send my mom to show her I know how to tie my own tie now.
Abby Porter ’22, Marlyse Vieira ’22, Emily Anne Owen ’22, and Megan Ong ’22 at Barrister’s Ball. Photo credit Kolleen Gladden ‘21.
10:15 p.m.: Good thing my drink is cold. Apparently “dabbing” and hitting your girlfriend in the face isn’t the best way to show I can break it down low.
10:29 p.m.: The DJ played “Hit Me Baby, One More Time,” “Party in the USA,” and “Get Low,” all within ten minutes. I wasn’t prepared to relive my angsty teenage years, but am very thankful for the open bar now.
11:07 p.m.: S/O to Kolleen Gladden for taking pictures all night. I may have taken forty different shots, but the camera loved me. I can’t apologize for that.
Caroline Spadaro ’22 and Jack Zipple ’22 pose at Barrister’s Ball. Photo credit Kolleen Gladden ‘21.
11:25 p.m.: Coat check is getting wild. Plus side, they keep bringing pizza by so I can steal a slice. Double plus side, I forgot I put slices of bread in my peacoat. Snacks for days.
12:37 a.m.: Common House’s chairs are so comfy that I may have actually fallen asleep waiting for a drink. Time to go home. Until next year, Barristers. #lawhoos
1:05 a.m.: This is the one time that future me loves past me. Saving a slice of DiGiornos pizza for my drunken stupor was the best idea since sliced bread.
1:06 a.m.: Turns out I had one last piece of sliced bread in my pocket. I cannot decide which is better now. My stomach is very content.
1:22 a.m.: My cats are very miffed that I’m up, eating, and keeping them awake. They’re off their cat-nip high now, guess it’s my turn to sleep too. Case dismissed.
Christina Luk ‘21
Executive Editor
So, I was asked to give a 2L perspective on Barrister’s this year, but I'm just going to talk about eating dumplings, which is how I actually spent the evening of February 8, 2020.
Big Tuna was busy this week. Joy Wang ’21 and Christina Luk ’21 hold up Diversity Pledge.
Step One: Fail to procure a ticket to Barrister’s and rejoice in the freedom this brings you.
Step Two: Find a mom-friend who will host your sorry ass on a Saturday night and convince her that this would be a great time to gorge yourselves on dumplings because you do not have to fit into a little black dress. (My mom-friend is Kunchok Dolma ’21, who makes amazing Tibetan momos—y’all can find your own. I will not share.)
Step Three: Show up at her house in your most comfortable hoodie with your Nintendo Switch—because why the heck not—and two other friends.
Dumplings (above) made by Christina Luk ’21 instead of attending Barrister’s. Photo credit Christina Luk ’21.
Step Four: Fold dumplings. Am I actually going to explain this? Yes, because I haven’t met my word count yet. We’re starting with imaginary store-bought dumpling skins because I’m too lazy to imagine making them myself. Make sure they’re circular, we’re making pot stickers here, not wontons, jeez. Now place one dumpling skin flour-side up on your palm and fill with your filling of choice. Dip your finger in a saucer of water and run it along the lip of the circle. Now bring the bottom edge of the circle up to the top and crimp the skin toward the center until you’ve closed the gap. If that made zero sense to you, then you read it right. The proper way to learn how to make dumplings is to watch your grandmother make them and then be relentlessly ridiculed until you’re old enough to tell someone else they’re doing it wrong. I am available on Friday evenings to laugh at anyone who wants to learn.
Step Five: Eat the dumplings while reading and laughing at all the group texts you’re getting that say, “are u here yet?” “come dance~” or “omg there’s pizza here.” Hahahaha. Man, those dumplings were good.
Barrister’s photo from left to right: top Marc Petrine ’21, Jacob Sillyman ’21, Jacob Jones ’21, Zane Clark ’21, Will Joyce ’21, bottom: Jonah Panikar ’21, and Samwise Pickett ’21. Photo credit Kolleen Gladden ’21.
Taylor Elicegui ‘20
Features Editor
The time-honored tradition of law students getting dressed up to get down on the dance floor has come and gone, and I’m here to provide the jaded 3Ls take on An Affair to Remember.
Despite some snafus, I’d say Barrister’s was a hit, and people (those who could attend) had a great time. However, I feel compelled to get my critiques out of the way before moving on to the positive things. Obviously, the event venue wasn’t big enough. Given the lack of tickets to the main event, it was particularly unfortunate that Common House reached capacity and wouldn’t let people in. I know it’s hard to find a venue in Charlottesville and I did appreciate being somewhere other than The Omni, but 600 tickets are not enough for a school the size of UVA plus non-law significant others. My other critique: The entire dance floor was just one giant spilled drink, which was brutal on the dress shoes. I know we had an open bar, but we clearly all need to work on being a little less klutzy.
Now, on to the positives. First and foremost: Damn, this school cleans up well. I appreciated that you all brought your A-game. Tuxes and ball gowns, the student body did not disappoint and looked incredibly fly. The DJ played some good music, and I really enjoyed seeing everyone let loose and have fun on the dance floor. We were also treated to an extra-special dance performance from our very own Griffin Peeples ’20, who sure knows how to break it down.[5] The Jefferson was a nice change of pace and the bars moved quickly enough that the wait for drinks wasn’t too bad. The snacks were also delicious—particularly the chicken and waffle bites. Big shout-out to whoever picked out the snacks.
Law Weekly 3Ls (minus David Ranzini ’20) abuse their last week of power to get featured in the Law Weekly. Please send your complaints to Christina Luk ’21 and Michael Schmid ’21. Photo credit PETER.
All in all, my final Barrister’s was a ball. I think we had the fanciest attire I’ve seen in all three years and I enjoyed getting to dance the night away one last time.
___
pjt5hm@virginia.edu
cl3eh@virginia.edu
tke3ge@virignia.edu
[1] If you’re reading this Alee, you were a wonderful date. I, on the other hand, was a typical teenage boy and wish I could re-do things.
[2] This is cat-nip wine, not actual alcohol. Please don’t call PETA on me. I have no other friends besides my cats.
[3] S/O big J.D. energy
[4] It’s a brontosaurus, my go-to dino. Did you guess right? Refer to Vol. 72, No. 13, “What Type of Dinosaur Are You? The Results Will Shock You!”
[5] The Editor-in-Chief would like to publicly express her disagreement here.