ANG Meets the Class of 2028
This past Thursday, the Law School rolled out the red carpet for its newest batch of future attorneys—assuming there is still a legal profession once they graduate in the far-off year of 2028. Members of the Law Weekly board were in attendance at the Admitted Students Day org fair to mingle with the fresh-faced hopefuls and trick them into someday writing for us. During the fair, we met some truly unforgettable characters. Here are just a few of the brightest stars of the incoming class:
The Aspiring Thomas Clerk
Meet Chadwick “Chad” Remington IV, a Georgetown legacy who perked up when we mentioned that the Supreme Court once cited the Law Weekly. Chad, clad in a Brooks Brothers suit he described as “business casual,” asked whether the Editorial Board had any originalists. He seemed disappointed when I dodged by mentioning our “substantive honor” doctrine. Still, Chad was undeterred, saying he’d love to write for the paper as long as he could cover both sides of the recent “Are court orders binding?” debate.
The Future Student Government President (Whether We Like It or Not)
Sarah has already created a detailed Google Sheet for “constructive changes” she plans to implement as SBA President, though she has yet to commit to attending UVA. “I just think transparency in student government is so important,” Sarah said. She was charming at first until she mentioned her plans to slash the Law Weekly’s (already meager) budget. She also mentioned that she has never lost an election. We would fear her were we not so blissfully aware of SBA’s inefficacy.
The Gunner in Sheep’s Clothing
Michael seemed chill at first. “Oh, I’m just happy to be here,” he said, thumbing through the latest issue of the Law Weekly. But then Michael asked if our paper follows Bluebook format, frowning slightly when I answered no. Michael offhandedly mentioned his recent visit to Yale, before asking all of us what we’re doing this summer. I told him my plans to move in with ANG under the bleachers. For some reason, he left.
The Future Softball Injury Causer
We barely spotted Ryan, as he almost blew by our table wearing a UVA Law Softball t-shirt he had somehow already acquired. But Ryan quickly doubled back when he saw our nameplate. “Whoa, Law Weekly! You’re the ones with the free beer, right?”
The Philosopher-King of Slaughter Hall
Sebastian, an admitted student with round tortoiseshell glasses and an aura of self-importance, seemed disappointed that the “Critical Legal Studies” table didn’t exist. He spent most of his visit to our table explaining that he is “thinking about law school the way Derrida would,” and that he plans to “disrupt the dominant epistemic paradigms of the American legal system.” He told us he had read recent issues of the Law Weekly and was sad to see the ousting of our Maoist EIC. Me too, buddy.
We wish the Class of 2028 the best of luck. They’ll need it.
