Sarah Walsh '23
Staff Editor
What’s in a name? Well, if it’s the name of a 1L section softball team, ideally the following: (1) a legal (or generally law-adjacent) pun, (2) a softball/sports pun, and (3) use of the section’s letter. These are the primary criteria that I will be using to rank the names of the 1L (and LL.M.) section softball teams. However, because these are Law School softball teams—and as we all know, there’s nothing the law loves more than being unnecessarily complicated—I will also be factoring in more subjective criteria, like (4) creativity and (5) “team naminess”[1] (basically, how closely the team’s name follows the traditional sports team naming format of “The [Noun]s” or, if you really want to get wild, “The [Adjective/Adverb] [Noun]s”).[2] Now, let’s get into the rankings.
First: Habeas Scoreplus (Section H)
Congratulations to Section H, winners of Dandelion and this team name ranking system! The name’s lack of emphasis on the section letter—as well as its use of a general sports pun rather than a softball-specific pun—can be overlooked, thanks to the name’s creativity and incorporation of a legal concept that the Section H students don’t even understand yet.[3]
Second: Aiding and Abatting (Section A)
Other than Section H, Section A was somehow the only team to include both a legal pun and a softball/sports pun in its name, so I’m giving them extra points for that. Section A did lose points on team naminess, but they managed to score some of those back with their use of section letter alliteration.
Third (tied): BarBarians (Section B) & Cold Callers (Section C)
This one was tough. Sections B and C succeeded together (legal puns, team naminess, emphasis on section letter), but they also failed together (lack of softball puns). BarBarians felt slightly more creative, but Cold Callers would definitely strike more fear into my heart if I were an opponent. Ultimately, neither name was able to gain a sizable edge over the other, so the teams get to share the last spot on the 1L Section Softball Team Name podium instead.
Fifth: LLM NFTeam (LL.M.s)
“NFTeam” isn’t really a softball or sports pun, but I’ll give it to the LL.M.s on this one, since it is still sports related. On the other hand, the legal puns are lacking, and I instinctively don’t like NFTs, so fifth place it is.
Sixth: Tortelini-e (Section E)
This one is getting ranked lower than it probably should for a couple of reasons. First of all, “tortellini” is spelled with two l’s.[4] Second of all: TortEllini. It’s right there. Just capitalize that E and you both make your tort pun clearer and avoid having to add the “e” at the end of a word that already ends in a long e sound. If you want to keep the hyphen usage, “Tort-e-llini” also works. Just something to keep in mind for the spring semester.
Seventh: I’s on the Ball (Section I)
While this team’s name isn’t necessarily the most creative, it does utilize both the section’s letter and a solid softball pun, and you could make the name follow the traditional team-name format if you really wanted to.
Eighth: Public InDecency (Section D)
I’ll be honest, this team never stood a chance. How could you, when the section team that preceded you by two years was named “Deez Nuts”? Obviously, this isn’t 1L Section D’s fault, and I’ll admit that it’s unfair for me to rate them against their predecessor when I’m not doing the same for the other 1L teams. But come on. Deez Nuts.
Ninth: F for Final Judgment (Section F)
It doesn’t have a softball pun, and it’s not particularly team name-y, but it does use both the section’s letter and legal terminology to create an appropriately dramatic and fear-inspiring team name that would’ve ranked higher if not for the arbitrary criteria that I outlined at the beginning of this article.
Tenth: Guilty as Charged (Section G)
Section G’s team name suffers from the same issue that Section H’s does in that while the section letter is used, it isn’t really emphasized. Unlike Section H, its scores on the other criteria don’t do enough to overcome the problem. Overall, it’s not a bad name, but it’s not spectacular, either.
Eleventh: J’s and Confused (Section J)
Use of the section letter is there, as is a softball pun—kind of, if you squint a little (or a lot). Dazed and Confused has a baseball scene, so I guess that kind of counts?
To close out this first edition of the annual 1L Section Softball Team Name Rankings,[5] I would like to state that regardless of what these rankings might seem to say, all of the sections named their softball teams well, and I appreciate the cleverness that went into each name. With that being said, now is the time for all the non-Section H 1Ls (and LL.M.s) to use their rage from losing to Section H—again—as fuel to propel them towards 1L Softball Tournament victory. Play ball.
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saw8rc@virginia.edu
[1] The law also loves using made-up terms that no one else understands.
[2] The Rule 12(b)ombers (2L § B’s team) and the Founding Fielders (3L § F) are perfect examples of section team names that meet all of these criteria, and quite frankly, this year’s 1Ls/LL.M.s are lucky they don’t have to compete against them.
[3] In fairness, it’s unclear how well the courts understand the concept, either.
[4] If this was supposed to be a “one l”/1L pun, it didn’t work.
[5] I don’t know if this will actually be an annual thing, but it sounds cool to say.