Julia D'Rozario ’24
New Media Editor
It may go without saying that a passion for the study of law does not often mix with a passion for astrology. Having failed to find fellow law students to talk astrology with, I have now decided to abuse my position on the Law Weekly to inflict poorly researched zodiac content on the School. Please enjoy my woefully uninformed, deeply biased analysis on a question no one wants the answer to: Which niche area of the Law School are you, based on your zodiac sign?
Gemini (May 21 – June 21)
The Microwave Corner
Before this became an astrology article, it was a “places in the Law School with very specific energy” article. My boyfriend suggested “the little microwave area” because, and I quote, “I feel like I’m being held captive when someone asks me how my summer went and I still have fifty seconds left on my burrito.” I think we have all had this experience at the Law School microwaves . . . and we have all had this experience with a Gemini. Geminis are the social butterflies of the zodiac. You are fun, outgoing, and friendly, and your extroverted nature means that—like the microwave corner—it is easy for you to start conversations. Also like the microwave corner, your propensity for small talk may take innocent burrito-warmers hostage.
Cancer (June 22 – July 22)
The Meditation Room
The meditation room is the single most comforting place in the Law School, and you are the single most comforting sign in the zodiac. Cancers are known for being nurturing, intuitive, and emotional. Much like the beloved meditation room, you are a safe space for others and have an almost supernatural ability to soothe people with your energy. Also, I actively seek you out and unload my emotional turmoil on you at the slightest inconvenience.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Specifically the Front Couches in ScoCo
The ScoCo front couches are always either pleasantly bustling and social, or overly noisy and overwhelming. Hit or miss. Leos are known for being confident and theatrical—for their innate ability to command attention. Like the ScoCo front couches, you are the center of attention, and you can sometimes be boisterous. You can also be hit or miss. Some of my best friends (and the best people I know) are Leos. An equal number of my mortal enemies[1] are Leos. You are either one of the friendliest, funniest, warmest people in the universe, or I actively fear you. There is no in between.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
The Gunner Pit
When I told my Virgo friend about this article, she immediately stated, “The Gunner Pit is Virgo. I’m saying this because I know.” Virgos are known for being diligent, organized, and logical. Just like the Gunner Pit, you are beautiful and incredibly smart. You also happen to account for roughly 80 percent of the romantic anguish I have experienced in my life, so I will continue to avoid[2] you like my life depends on it (again, just like the Gunner Pit).
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
The Murals
Many haven’t noticed this—I didn’t until recently—but the Law School actually has a collection of murals: replicas of the famous Clark Hall murals on Main Grounds.[3] As well as being beautiful, the murals tell a compelling story. Libra, you are known for being a lover of beauty. You gravitate to all things picturesque and tend towards aesthetics more than any other sign in the zodiac. Like the mural space (and Oscar Wilde), you understand that beauty is a form of genius.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
The Slaughter Hall Connector Room
If you’re asking, “what connector room?” you’ve come upon the very reason that this is a Scorpio space. To answer your question, there is a small, dark, soundproof room in the middle of Slaughter Hall, which inexplicably has windows looking into all the surrounding classrooms. Scorpios are often known for being mysterious, secretive, and observant. Much like the connector room, you are curious and mystifying to others. You are also probably watchful to the point of giving people the creeps.[4]
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
The Basement
Sagittarians are known for being adventurous, independent, and energetic. But that’s not what I’m basing this on. I have been to the basement exactly one time, and it was enough. I felt like I was in A Quiet Place. The corridors were long and narrow, it was weirdly dark, and the lights were flickering. I don’t know if the basement is usually like that or if I just went on an off day, but I will not be going back . . . with Sagittarius, like the basement, I am basing my entire assessment on one bad experience.[5] I will be choosing to ignore all your positive traits because of one really terrible Sagittarius I knew. Like, bad enough that he tainted the entire zodiac sign. Like the basement hallways, you might lead me to my ultimate doom, or you might not. I won’t be getting close enough to find out.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Third Floor of the Library
Capricorns are the hard workers of the zodiac, and are responsible and ambitious. For this reason, you are the third floor of the library. More so than any other study space in the School—including the Gunner Pit—the third floor of the library strikes me as a truly scholarly and intellectual place. Your work ethic is something to revere, and, like the third floor, intimidates the hell out of me.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
The Tiny Door
Those of you who have been reading the Law Weekly for a while will know that we, as a newspaper, are obsessed with the tiny, unexplained door in the second-floor hallway. Aquarians are known for being eccentric, rebellious, and unique. You aren’t concerned with what “standard” doors are “supposed” to look like . . . as an Aquarius, you keep people on their toes by being unpredictable. Just like our beloved tiny door, you play by your own rules. Unlike the tiny door, which is tiny and door-shaped, you are—to quote our Editor-in-Chief—a “human person of predictable proportions.”[6]
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
The Telephone Booth
For anyone who isn’t aware, there is a tiny room in the library designated as the “phone room.” It’s about six square feet in area. Picture Bender’s house in Futurama. It is absolutely empty, save for a call-for-help button, and is forbidden from having any furniture. In fact, let me take back my classification of it as a “room”: It is quite literally a closet. Considering the fact that it is directly next to the MyLab “cell phone zone,” which has tea, snacks, and sofas, I don’t know anyone who has ever opted to take a call in the closet. I do, however, know people[7] who have slipped in there to have a quick finals week cry or to scream softly without alarming their peers. Pisces, you are known for being sensitive and in tune with your feelings. You are not one to deny yourself your emotional needs. Like the telephone booth, you cry when you need to cry, you scream when you need to scream, and your emotional balance is better for it.
Aries (March 21 – April 19)
McGuireWoods Corner
McGuireWoods Corner is a corner. Quite literally. It is an ordinary corner wall near the bookstore’s entrance, which, for unknowable reasons, has been sponsored and is labeled “McGuireWoods Corner.” Aries, you are strong-willed and self-assertive. You have a strong sense of identity and know yourself better than most people. Like McGuireWoods Corner, which, I cannot emphasize enough, is literally a corner, you’re not afraid to tell the world exactly who you are.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Home
Let’s be real, you’re not at school unless you absolutely have to be. Tauruses are known for essentially being the personification of a fuzzy blanket. You crave relaxation and warmth, and you feel the best when you are cuddled up in bed, at home, with a good movie and some good snacks. If, by any chance, you ARE at school outside of class, you’re probably at the Student Affairs office, acquiring Cheez-Its.
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jkd2dd@virginia.edu
[1] Yes, I have mortal enemies.
[2] I went cold turkey off Virgos almost two years ago…
[3] For information on the history of the murals, read, Seven Wonders of the Law School: Clark Hall, by Monica Sandu ’24.
[4] Not me though—as a Scorpio myself, and an avid people-watcher, I condone connector room behavior.
[5] You were promised bias at the start of this article!
[6] See Ode to Tiny Door in the Second Floor Hallway, published exactly 364 days ago by our EIC, Dana Lake ’23.
[7] Read: me.