We received a flood of emails last week from readers who tried “Pickles an’ Cheese” and are now threatening us with law suits. We spoke with our attorneys, and, after careful consideration, they have advised us to double down. That’s right—we’re publishing a second week of recipes, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Except try making them, which you should totally do, you litigious bastards.
Darius’s Chickpea Stirfry
This meal is vegan, high in protein and vitamins, and really filling. I tried to simplify this dish as much as possible to keep things simple. Add it on top of some rice if you wanna get fancy, or eat it out of the pan. I don’t use measurements, and I don’t think you should, either. Learning techniques instead of blindly following recipes is what will make you a competent cook. Swap out ingredients you don’t have, and taste as you cook.
• 1 can of chickpeas
• Couple of splashes of oil
• Some chopped onion
• Frozen vegetables
• Squeeze of tomato paste or a few tablespoons of pasta sauce
• A few dashes of ground cumin
• Hefty amount of ground black pepper
• Lots of garlic (in any form)
• Some chili flakes
• Soy sauce (to taste) or salt
Set your burner to medium high, and heat up enough oil to cover your pan. While you are waiting, drain your chickpeas, and chop your onions however you want. When the oil is hot, add your chili flakes, tomato, pepper, and onion. Stir that up until the onions soften. Add in the drained chickpeas, and let them fry in the oil mixture for a bit. Add in the garlic, and let it cook until it’s fragrant. Add the frozen vegetables, and let them defrost and cook through. Add soy sauce or salt to taste.
Rachel’s Family Chili Recipe
My family made this a lot growing up, and it’s always been a fan-favorite comfort food. It may take a little more work than some of the other entries here, but it’s still relatively simple and makes about six (freezable) quarts, so that small amount of effort will go a long way. It’s healthy, filling, and works well as a complete meal.
Ingredients
• 1 large onion
• 2+ bell peppers
• 2+ lbs meat (e.g., stew meat, ground beef, sausage, literally whatever you have on hand and like)
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• 1–3 habanero peppers and/or jalapenos, very finely diced (Keep it to one habanero unless you want it noticeably spicy)
• 4–5 regular-sized cans’ worth of beans, drained and rinsed (I normally use kidney and black beans)
• One 7 oz. or two 4 oz. can mild green chili peppers (undrained)
• Three 14.5 oz. cans diced tomatoes
• Two 6 oz. cans tomato paste (adjust upward to make thicker)
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 2 teaspoons marjoram
• 1–4 cloves garlic diced/crushed (lower if you used heavily seasoned meat)
• 2 bay leaves
• For serving: cheese, chips, salsa, guacamole, lettuce, or whatever you like
Steps
1. Cook onion, bell pepper, and meat together in olive oil. Drain excess water/juice.
2. Add the cooked ingredients and the rest of the ingredients together in a Crockpot (or similar dedicated slow-cooker) (preferred) or Instant Pot and stir.
3. Add extra tomatoes, tomato paste, and beans as necessary to balance the mix.
4. Set to cook. It’s better the longer you cook it. Crockpots cook more efficiently than Instant Pots, and my family’s has options for 4–10 hours, but I’d recommend starting the chili in the morning for it to be ready by dinner. For an Instant Pot, put it on the high slow-cook setting, set the knob to vent (or use a well-fitted tempered glass lid with a vent), and cook for about twelve hours (ideally stirring once or twice part-way through).
Rachel’s Loaded Potatoes
Need something quicker than chili? Use an Instant Pot to steam potatoes. Recipe originally from the Pressure Cook Recipes by Amy + Jacky blog.[1]
1. Add a cup of water to the Instant Pot.
2. Rinse potatoes, use a fork to poke holes in them, then place them on the included wire rack. Pro tip: Make extra potatoes. They refrigerate and reheat in the microwave well. But don’t stack them on top of each other.
3. Measure the circumference of the largest potato, then cook on high pressure according to the following chart:
• 7” Potatoes (~17.8 cm): 25 minutes
• 7.5” Potatoes (~19.1 cm): 28 minutes
• 8” Potatoes (~20.3 cm): 31 minutes
• Etc. (+3 minutes for each additional ½ inch)
4. Natural release for ten minutes, then quick release the remainder of the steam.
5. Cut potato in half, then cut slits lengthwise for the butter to melt into.
6. Top with butter (I like the Kerrygold Garlic Herb Butter), shredded cheese, and chopped bacon.
NIKO’s Buff Chick Dip
You might think that buff chick dip is only for game day, but shouldn’t you treat every day like it’s game day? Give yourself the fuel and fiery flavor you deserve—not to mention a dish which lasts for at least a week and a half in your fridge. Remember, food duration is much like law school: It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Ingredients:
• Pre-cooked chicken (either half of a Costco rotisserie chicken, shredded with a fork, or—for those of you without a Costco membership—6 cans of Swanson’s canned chicken will do nicely)
• Frank’s Red Hot™
• 2 blocks of cream cheese (if you’re trying to be healthy, can mix and match with greek yogurt but I mean… blech)
• Kraft Three-Cheese shredded cheese
• Tortilla chips of your choosing
• Salt
• Pepper
Recipe:
1. Shred the chicken with a fork, and place in mixing bowl
2. Add in cream cheese and Frank’s Red Hot, mix well with chicken. Add salt and pepper to taste.
3. Put dip into plexiglass baking dish
4. Sprinkle shredded cheese on top (do as much as you like, but keep in mind that there is a point of marginal decreasing returns where the thickness of the cheese is just going to break your tortilla chips)
5. Bake in oven at 375 degrees for fifteen minutes
6. Let sit for ten minutes, then enjoy!
7. Optional: Add jalapeno slices on top
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[1] https://www.pressurecookrecipes.com/instant-pot-baked-potatoes/