Corpus Linguistics and Legal Interpretation: A (Very Brief) Introduction


Rachel Martin ‘23
Staff Editor


There are many, sometimes overlapping theories of how judges should interpret laws. One is textualism, which favors applying the ordinary meaning of the law as written.[1] However, this position naturally raises the question of what that ordinary meaning is, which is itself often highly debatable. “I think we are . . . falling short on some of the promises of textualism,” Justice Thomas R. Lee of the Utah Supreme Court, a pioneer of corpus linguistics in judicial interpretation, once explained.[2] The problems are part theoretical—what is meant by “ordinary meaning”—and part operationalization—how to objectively determine that meaning.


One possible definition of ordinary meaning might be the meaning, or “sense,” which is most frequent in a given context.[3] However, this can be surprisingly complicated to ascertain. A judge’s (or any other person’s) intuition is not necessarily representative. And dictionaries are not much better, as they merely tabulate potential meanings. For example, in Muscarello v. United States, the defendant was charged with carrying a firearm during drug trafficking when he had a firearm in the locked glove compartment of his vehicle.[4] The defendant argued that “carry” only applied to having a firearm on one’s person, but the Supreme Court determined that the “primary” meaning of “carry” was to transport by vehicle because that is the sense of the word that comes first in the dictionary.[5] However, that sense was only first because the earliest recorded example of the word was used in this way.[6] “Somewhere in the thirteenth century, somebody who was speaking something that looks a little bit like the English that we speak today started using the verb ‘carries’ to describe somebody conveying something in a vehicle,” Justice Lee commented. “Of course, our languages evolve in ways that don’t have anything to do with etymology.”[7]


This is where corpus linguistics comes in. Put simply, a linguistic corpus is a large, often searchable body of texts taken from real-life use. While some are limited to narrow domains, such as the self-explanatory Wikipedia Corpus, others, such as the Corpus of Contemporary American English (COCA), are taken from a wide variety of spoken and written sources and are designed to be representative of overall language use.[8] By searching corpora, one can determine how frequent the given senses of a word are in different contexts. For example, if one wanted to analyze the issue in Muscarello, one could run a search for all instances of “carry” and its conjugations within a certain distance of words such as “firearm” or “gun.”[9] One would then go through the sentences the search returned and compare how frequent each sense of “carry” is. In the context of firearms, it turns out that it is overwhelmingly more common for “carry” to mean “have on one’s person” than “transport in a vehicle.”[10]

Pictured: Full of options, corpus linguistics presents a myriad of ways to address complex legal language and approaches. Photo Courtesy of thoughtco.com

Pictured: Full of options, corpus linguistics presents a myriad of ways to address complex legal language and approaches. Photo Courtesy of thoughtco.com

Of course, even if a most common meaning can be identified,[11] there may be valid reasons for using a different interpretation in any given instance. However, “textualists are trying to find out what the statute actually means . . . and the idea that we would ignore the well-developed systematic tools that have been developed in linguistics . . . is like trying to do antitrust law with no economics,” argues UVA Law Professor Lawrence Solum.[12] While corpora and other linguistic tools may not be a panacea for the issues of legal interpretation, they provide one way to introduce more transparency and methodological rigor into decision-making processes.

---

rdm9yn@virginia.edu


[1] Because languages change over time, this philosophy can be further split by whether original or contemporary ordinary meaning is prioritized. For a brief overview of this issue, see Thomas R. Lee & Stephen C. Mouritsen, Judging Ordinary Meaning, 127 Yale L.J. 788, 824-826 (2018). 

[2] Presentation by Justice Thomas R. Lee and UVA Law Professor Lawrence Solum to The Federalist Society at UVA Law (November 4, 2020) (recording accessible at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GetPdHEjSQQ).

[3] Another possible definition is a linguistic “prototype”—what first comes to mind when a word is mentioned.  For example, if you hear “bird” without additional context, you are more likely to picture something akin to a sparrow than a penguin or flamingo.  The “ordinary” bird you picture is a prototype.

[4] Muscarello v. United States, 524 U.S. 125, 127 (1998).

[5] Id. at 128.

[6] Dictionary ranking may be chronological, random, or based on dictionary makers’ intuitions. For a more detailed discussion of the misuse of dictionaries in legal interpretation, see generally Stephen C. Mouritsen, The Dictionary is Not a Fortress: Definitional Fallacies and a Corpus-Based Approach to Plain Meaning, 2010 B.Y.U. L. Rev. 1915 (2010).

[7] Lee & Solum, supra note 2.

[8] See generally Mark Davies, https://www.english-corpora.org/pdf/english-corpora.pdf (last visited Jan. 24, 2021).

[9] Words that often occur together are called “collocates.” Collocates are useful for understanding how a word is used in practice, and most modern corpora allows an individual  to specifically search for or narrow results by them.

[10] Mouritsen, supra note 6, at 1964–65 (using COCA to find that in this context, approximately 64% of instances involved the “on person” sense, 1% involved the “transport” sense, 32% were ambiguous between the two, and 3% fell under neither category).

[11] Which will not always be the case.

[12] Lee & Solum, supra note 2.

The 1L's Guide to a Section Softball Title


Nathan Wunderli ‘22
Sports Editor


I feel bad for 1Ls. I’m sure at this point they are sick of being pitied (there’s enough pity going around for all of us), but what really gets me is the fact that 1Ls missed out on what could have been the greatest sporting triumph (or failure) of their entire lives due to the disease-that shall-not-be-named. Of course, I feel even worse for myself. As the Sports Editor of the Virginia Law Weekly, there has been a dearth of material to pen about. Yes, life is tough for a law school sports editor without any law school sports. I would feel worse for the 1Ls, but I have yet to actually meet a 1L in person, and I am yet to be convinced they exist as a species. But, to make up for my absence, and in preparation for softball’s triumphant return, I have resolved to make a guide for 1Ls. Something to catch them up to speed in the softball world, as well as simultaneously make them jealous of the experiences they are missing out on. So, here are three keys to a successful softball team.


Number One: Fielding

            You will soon find out that law school, while full of bright, motivated, intelligent human beings, is not exactly a breeding ground for talented athletes. Most sections are going to be equipped with one or two great players, another two or three competent players, followed by, well, smart and lovable law students. Putting your talent in the best possible position to make plays is critical to your team’s success.

            There are three positions that are absolutely essential: the pitcher, shortstop, and first baseman. The pitcher must be able to throw strikes. When a weak hitter comes up, sometimes the only way they can get on base is through a walk. Generally, it is best to avoid the piercing gaze from your infielders that happens when you walk a poor hitter only to find a good hitter up next. The best pitchers place pitches to try and force people to hit it towards one side of the field (and therefore towards their best fielders). For instance, throwing a ball to the inside portion of the plate to direct a  hitter to pull the ball towards the shortstop. Good pitchers also know when they can get a batter to chase a bad pitch and will pitch out of the zone on purpose to get the intended effect. A majority of batted balls also go to one of two positions, the pitcher or the shortstop. The pitcher has to be able to run up to a weakly hit ground ball, turn, then  fire accurately to first base. The shortstop is tasked with a variety of ground balls, as well as ranging all across the field for short fly balls, even ranging to second base or short centerfield. Being a ball hog is just about the biggest compliment one can give to a shortstop in section softball. On any ground ball, in order to make the out, the first baseman must be able to catch. The better the first baseman is, the less pressure the shortstop and pitcher have to make a perfect throw. By locking down these positions, you are going to get the simple outs you must make, thereby avoiding the dreaded 10+ run innings that can be catastrophic to your team’s morale. Having an outfield and third and second basemen who can make plays will make your team elite, but making sure you fill the three key positions will prevent a blowout and keep you competitive in most games.


Number Two: Batting

            An electrifying offense is key to any squad looking to make a run for the title. Unlike in fielding where talent can be sparse, the best offensive teams have deep lineups where everyone is capable of getting on base, providing no easy outs for the opposition. So how to build this sort of offensive juggernaut? This is where one must decide where one’s priorities lie. Typically, a good section can find nine to ten players who can hit, and the shorter the lineup, the more your best hitters are going to be able to come to the plate. Section J made its name last year (and took the title) by having the fewest number of players show up to the tournament, allowing ex-college players like Nick Roberti ’22 to bat just about any time he felt like it. Nothing is more frustrating as a defense to see a guy score and then come up again two batters later. Did anybody like Section J after the tournament? No. Did we accuse them of scaring away the rest of their section, prioritizing winning over fun? Most definitely. But they did get some sweet photos with the trophy for their Instagram feeds, which I’m sure got them tons of followers. On the contrary, section C managed to get 20+ players to come and participate during the tournament. I respect and sometimes envy section C for their stalwart attendance, but unfortunately being the most welcoming section has a direct inverse relationship to wins. So, if you want to score lots of runs, come tournament time it may be best to come up with a short, effective lineup. Then again, you may decide that your goal is just to get as many players to participate as possible. This is also a noble goal, just one that can lead to a quick tournament exit.


Pictured: UVA Law is known as 'Softball-University' for a reason. Photo Courtesy of ngsl.com

Pictured: UVA Law is known as 'Softball-University' for a reason. Photo Courtesy of ngsl.com

Number Three: Baserunning

            Often one of the most overlooked facets of the game of slow pitch softball is baserunning. My section lost our first game to an underwhelming section E team solely on baserunning mistakes, as we were caught in two triple plays and a double play because of a misunderstanding of the tag-up rule. Explain the tag-up rule early and often, but also send baserunning coaches who understand the game to make sure teammates  know when to go and to hold. Knowing when to stretch a triple to a home run, or when to stay put are situational decisions that take time and experience. For instance, if you got your best batter up next, you may just want to play conservatively and wait to be driven home. However, if you see that the ball is being relayed to the second baseman who you know does not have a good arm, it may be safe to go for extra bases. Again, having a baserunning coach can simplify the game for everyone and minimize frustrating mistakes.


Editor’s Note

            That concludes the first official guide to a 1L softball title. The extended version is available online in PDF form or for purchase on Audible. You may be thinking, what gives me the credentials to write an article on winning a section softball tournament? You may have gathered that unfortunately the softball gods have yet to grace my beloved Section A with a title of their own. We have had great wins, once coming back from eleven runs down in the final inning to capture our first victory; and crushing defeats, losing to the same team months later in the tournament semifinals with a comeback of their own (still waiting for the grudge match, Section G). Through the ups and downs, we have forged friendship, trash-talked opposing teams, cried a little, laughed a lot, and experienced the wide array of emotions that comes from competitive sports. For many, softball provides a fun, relaxing escape from the rigors of higher education. But it can also provide much more than that. Softball and sports, in a way, are a sort of life within a life, often detached from reality but posing real-world challenges though a different lens. As someone who has competed in sports from a young age all the way through the college level, I am no stranger to the emotional hills and valleys a game can provide. But even I was surprised at the raw excitement and emotion that comes after hitting a walk-off homerun or the sinking feeling in my stomach when my section suffered a brutal defeat in the tournament. The mistakes, the luck, good and bad, the unpredictability, and triumph of achievement can all be experienced within an hour-long softball match at UVA’s own Copley Field.

---

nw7cz@virginia.edu

2Hell: My Journey Through Finals


Phil Tonseth ‘22
Production Editor

The solemnity of December 2nd was not lost on me. Working towards that moment since early August, I knew that my results that afternoon would be determinative of my future career success. The weight of the impending hours called for a stoic and subdued dress code, hence my all black attire and backwards cap. Knowing my walk through tangled problems with nary a clear solution would be treacherous, I donned memory soled shoes in an effort to placate my soon to be beleaguered feet.

            Set for a shotgun start, I would not be eased into the problem set at hand. To be completed in an idyllic four hours, the examination did not begin with an easy lay-up, nor the ushering of me into a soft landing zone so I could feel a sense of comfort as soon as it began. Rather, the first problem seemed to map out a winding path towards the solution, but with traps along one edge and a forest of false outlets among the other. The choice of the path to reach the answer would be of my own, a multiple choice exam of sorts. However, the length I needed to cover was no chip shot, but rather an essay I would need to consistently iron my way through. After this first problem, I was discouraged. I had studied what I believed to be relevant material, practiced multiple different approaches prior to the exam, and felt assured I would be able to swing an answer that was up to par. Quickly I had to place that disappointment behind, many more problems awaited.

            Slogging my way through the afternoon hours of the 2nd, my answers frequently did not muster up to par, but the sight of infrequent but majestic birdies harkened to a sense of hope that my game face may once return to finish strong. Striding confidently through the final problem, a long uphill with a view at the top, flush with Azalea trees, I believed I would come close to acing the final piece of the test. Inches away from completing the round, hovering near the mark to score a 90 and pass with flying colors, I failed to spot one last issue. I overestimated how much the curve would help my final push, and my answer rolled just short. Dejected, but undeterred.

            There was no time to bemoan my poor performance nor blame it on the conditions, as three more tests awaited before I would cart myself home for Christmas. I spent the next two days taking different attempts at a range of problem sets, hoping to smooth out any hitches in my swing for the perfect score on the next test. The morning of the 5th dawned with beads of dew speckling the ground, a promising sign for a soft and gentle day ahead. Headed towards my next test, my driver eagerly indicated that I could trust in him to carry me far and quickly towards any solution. I knew I had already wedged myself into a dangerous trap though, as my confidence soared like an eagle before even beginning. This second test, while truncated in time, proved to be a much clearer line towards success. There was neither a wait nor a worry of anyone ahead of me, allowing me to press my luck and shoot for the soft landing zone that was the answer. Feeling more confident after completing my second trek, I knew that while I was halfway through my testing schedule, I was heading into my strongest stretch yet.

Pictured: Semi-accurate depiction of how hard I studied for 'finals' this past fall. Photo Courtesy of pinterest.com

Pictured: Semi-accurate depiction of how hard I studied for 'finals' this past fall. Photo Courtesy of pinterest.com

            Working through my two final tests, I had it rough. My attempts to cleanly strike a balance between power and poise in my shots missed the mark, showing there would be true social distancing between my goals and the ultimate score. Not one to rely on a handicap, I worked tirelessly, pulling all of the tricks out of my bag. I dressed in my Sunday best, sporting a red polo in the hopes to invoke the “Eye of the Tiger” and make an illustrious comeback from the ashes. Consistently scribbling and erasing, I could not get my scores to change at all. After the conclusion of my rounds, I settled for average, destined to ride the curve to mediocrity. Luckily, the clubhouse was selling beer for half price, so I eagerly entered and worked to forget about my four golf rounds those past two weeks. As for finals? I’ll use my mulligan and try again in the spring.

            For those questioning why one would dedicate so much time to golf, to only have their handicap rise and their GPA lower, I bow to the wisdom of my boi Antonin as he once opined “I am sure that the Framers of the Constitution, . . ., fully expected that sooner or later the paths of golf and government, the law and the links, would once again cross.”[1]

---

pjt5hm@virginia.edu 


[1] PGA Tour, Inc. v. Martin, 532 U.S. 661, 121 S. Ct. 1879 (2001). J. Scalia, Dissenting.

The Best Baked Good Recipes You Never Knew You Kneaded


Grace Tang ‘21
Foreign Correspondent



Since returning home for winter break, I have been in quarantine, then in a province-wide lockdown. Being stuck indoors meant getting creative and finding new recipes to try. I am obsessed with carbs, so I had to rise to the occasion and make all my favorite items at home. After months of whipping-up goodies in the kitchen, these are my three go-to recipes. They are all very versatile, easy to make, and not too sweet. So, without further ado, let’s get rolling

 

Pictured: While not Bodo's, these bagels are equally as delicious. Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21

Pictured: While not Bodo's, these bagels are equally as delicious. Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21

BODO’S APPROVED BAGELS

When I posted my bagels on my food Instagram, foodventures_with_grace, Bodo’s Bagels complimented my bagel (I’ve peaked, proudest moment)! For most of my life, I thought bagels were extremely difficult to make. However, after looking up recipes, I realized they’re easier to make than normal bread, and they taste amazing fresh or toasted.

 

Six medium sized bagels – Recipe adapted from Sally’s Baking Addiction https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/homemade-bagels/

Bagel Ingredients:

●      ¾ cups warm water around 100 °F

●      2 teaspoons of yeast

●      2 cups of bread flour + more to dust

●      1 tablespoon of sugar (white or brown)

●      Pinch of salt

●      1 egg white

●      1/8 cup honey for boiling

 

Bagel Instructions

Combine warm water and yeast; leave for 5-10 minutes to dissolve. Make sure the temperature is not over 110 °F or it will kill the yeast.

Combine flour, brown sugar, and salt and incorporate with the yeast and warm water. Knead the dough on a lightly-floured surface until smooth, ~10 minutes.

Grease a bowl and place the dough in the bowl. Cover with towel, foil, or wrap, and leave in a warm room for 90 minutes until it doubles in size.

After the dough rises, shape the bagels by dividing the dough into 6 pieces and shape the dough appropriately.

Preheat the oven to 425 °F.

Boil water with honey and reduce to medium-high. Boil the dough by adding 3 bagels at a time for 1 minute on each side.

Remove bagels from the water bath and place them on a lined baking sheet. Bake for 18 to 20 minutes until golden brown.

Pictured: If your mouth doesn't water at the sight of those bagels, you're wrong. Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21.

Pictured: If your mouth doesn't water at the sight of those bagels, you're wrong. Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21.

 KOREAN MOCHI BREAD

These babies are crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside—like mochi—and they are also dangerously irresistible. Mochi bread is more like a dessert than real bread. The great thing about this recipe is the endless flavor possibilities—original, sesame seed, and matcha are variations I have tried so far and they all taste great.

Pictured: This donut-hole look-a-like will leave you wanting more. Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21.

Pictured: This donut-hole look-a-like will leave you wanting more. Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21.

 Note that the recipe must be followed closely or the batter will not be thick enough to pipe. For best results use a food scale for measurements. 

 

For Twenty-Four Mochi Breads (Three-inch each)

 

Mochi Bread Ingredients:

●      46 grams of egg – about one and a half

●      30 grams of flour

●      130 grams of tapioca flour or starch (they are the same thing)

●      150 grams of milk

●      30 grams of sugar

●      2 grams of salt

●      1 teaspoon of matcha powder or 2 tablespoons of sesame seeds (optional)

 

Mochi Bread Instructions

Preheat the oven to 350°F. In a saucepan, add milk, sugar, salt, and butter. Melt on medium heat until the mixture boils, then turn down the heat to very low.

Add in flour and whisk quickly to incorporate, otherwise the mixture will be lumpy.

Once the mixture thickens and becomes smooth, add in the tapioca flour 1/3 at a time. Fold in the tapioca flour slowly.

Once all the tapioca flour is incorporated, add in the beaten eggs 1/3 at a time. Add in matcha or sesame seeds after the eggs are combined. The batter should be thick but liquid.

Transfer batter into a piping bag or ziplock bag and cut the corner. Prepare a baking sheet lined with parchment paper or silicone mat.

Pipe the batter into two-inch mounds, this recipe should make ~24 mochi breads.

Bake in the oven for 18-20 minutes. The mochi bread will rise, become very round, and form a crispy shell on the outside. Eat while warm; they taste best fresh out of the oven. 

 

FOOL-PROOF CINNAMON BUNS

Cinnamon buns are the classic comfort food. They are truly an unbeatable combo when topped with cream cheese frosting, and the whole house smells AWESOME when they bake. Pro tip—I actually use cinnamon bun dough to make bread (just add in an extra egg and half a cup of flour for a slightly denser dough). I think cinnamon buns make a great breakfast or snack, and they go well with coffee and tea!

Pictured: Heaven in a pan. Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21.

Pictured: Heaven in a pan. Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21.

 For Eight Cinnamon Buns- Recipe adapted from Gimme Some Oven https://www.gimmesomeoven.com/1-hour-easy-cinnamon-rolls-recipe/

 

Cinnamon Bun Ingredients:

●      1 cup milk

●      ½ cup butter softened – ¼ cup for dough and ¼ cup for cinnamon sugar

●      3 ½ cup flour – 3 cups for dough and ½ cup for dusting

●      ½ cup of white sugar – ¼ cup for dough and ¼ cup for cinnamon sugar filling

●      1 teaspoon salt

●      3 tablespoons of yeast

●      1 egg

●      ¼ cup of brown sugar

●      2 tablespoons of ground cinnamon

●      ¼ cup of chopped walnuts (optional but highly recommended)

 

Cinnamon Bun Instructions

Heat milk and ¼ cup of butter until it reaches 100°F. Pour into a mixing bowl, then add yeast and combine the ingredients. Leave the mixture for 10 minutes.

Add in 3 cups of flour, ¼ cup of white sugar, and salt. Add in the egg. Stir ingredients well for 10 minutes. This is best done with an electric mixer as the dough is sticky, or use a spatula and stir by hand.

Once the dough is smooth, form a ball and put into a greased bowl and cover for 1-2 hours until the dough doubles in size.

For the cinnamon sugar filling – combine ¼ cup of brown sugar, ¼ cup of white sugar, ground cinnamon, and walnuts together.

After the dough rises, remove the dough and place onto a floured surface and roll the dough into a large rectangle (approximately 8 inches by 15 inches). Spread the remaining ¼ cup of softened butter over the dough surface and sprinkle evenly with the cinnamon sugar filling.

Roll the dough into a large log (along the shorter side of the rectangle) about 15 inches in length. Use dental floss (recommended) or a knife to cut dough into 10-12 equal pieces.

Place the cinnamon rolls into a greased baking dish and rest for 30 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 350 °F. After cinnamon rolls rise, place in the oven and bake for 15-18 minutes until cooked through. Cool for 5 minutes after removing them from the oven.

Drizzle with icing and serve warm!

Pictured: The final product, enjoy at your own risk. Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21.

Pictured: The final product, enjoy at your own risk. Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21.

 Cream Cheese Icing Ingredients – Combine ingredients and mix until smooth

●      ½ cup of softened cream cheese (4 ounces)

●      2 tablespoons of softened butter

●      1 teaspoon vanilla extract

●      1 cup of powdered sugar

●      1-2 tablespoons of milk if necessary

---

gt5ay@virginia.edu

Movies with Flimsy Legal Premises


Jacob Jones ‘23
Features Editor


After spending almost two and a half years in law school, I know almost as much as someone who practices in a state with diploma privilege.[1] While that does not give me the ability to practice law, it does give me the insight to criticize the decisions of movie characters and their lawyers. And what else is there to do these days other than watch movies? After watching the trailer for Double Jeopardy in class and concluding that the protagonist can’t actually get away with murder,[2] I decided to write about movies with flimsy legal premises.


The Firm is a 1993 film, starring Tom Cruise, where all is not as it appears to be.[3] Based on a John Grisham novel of the same name,[4] the film’s plot centers around a Harvard Law graduate, Tom Cruise,[5] who graduated near the top of his class and chose to work at a boutique firm in Memphis, Tennessee (this is not the flimsy premise). Famous for the line “No associate of this firm has ever failed the bar,” the movie’s plot centers around the fact that the super-niche firm actually represents the mob and is being used for things like money laundering. What’s the flimsy legal premise? That Tom Cruise can’t leave the firm without being disbarred because he would violate attorney-client privilege. Tom Cruise is so concerned about this that he decides he has to find a whole separate crime that the lawyers of his firm have committed: overbilling!

Pictured: Tom Cruise may have failed the bar, but he did not fail at rocking his role in The Firm. Photo Courtesy of letterboxd.com.

Pictured: Tom Cruise may have failed the bar, but he did not fail at rocking his role in The Firm. Photo Courtesy of letterboxd.com.

Although I’m a pretty big fan of going after lawyers, this is entirely unnecessary. The reason? As any law student learns in professional responsibility, you can reveal information if your client uses your legal services to accomplish a crime. Tennessee legal ethics Rule 1.6 is clear about this: “A lawyer may reveal information relating to the representation of a client . . . to prevent, mitigate, or rectify substantial injury to the financial interests or property of another that is reasonably certain to result or has resulted from the client's commission of a fraud in furtherance of which the client has used the lawyer's services.”[6] But without this unnecessary legal hurdle, there would be no reason for Wilford Brimley to chase Tom Cruise around the landmarks of Memphis. So I forgive you, John Grisham.

Next, we turn to Marriage Story, a 2019 film where Kylo Ren (played by Adam Driver) divorces Black Widow (played by Scarlett Johansson). In addition to having an exciting scene featuring service of process (thanks, Pennoyer v. Neff!), this film accurately depicts lawyers as the bad guys. But most importantly, Marriage Story incorrectly represents legal ethics rules.[7] In one scene, Kylo Ren goes to a bunch of lawyers around town because he needs one for his divorce. But they all turn him down because Black Widow has already gone to the good divorce lawyers around town, told them her story, all in an attempt to disqualify them. And it works! So poor Kylo Ren gets stuck with the bad attorney from M*A*S*H.

But again, Hollywood gets it wrong! Maybe they didn’t read the comments to California legal ethics Rule 1.18.[8] Under comment 2, “a person . . . who communicates information to a lawyer without a good faith intention to seek legal advice or representation, is not a prospective client.” Of course, there is the in terrorem effect that potential sanctions could have. But I’m pretty sure Black Widow abusing the system is pretty clear here.

So there you have it. Consider me the Mythbusters of legal issues in movies.

---

jmj3vq@virginia.edu


[1] You do you, Wisconsin.

[2] Spoiler alert: It’s a terrible movie.

[3] Is it ever as it appears to be at first?

[4] In case Mr. Grisham actually reads this (doubtful), I do not mean to offend. But at the same time, where’d you get your law degree, Grisham, Mississippi?

[5] Played by Tom Cruise

[6] [bluebook citation omitted].

[7] Can you tell I’ve been studying for the MPRE based on the issues I’m spotting?

[8] Bluebook citation omitted again.

Among Us: The Ultimate Law School Study Break


Devon Chennelle ‘23
Staff Editor

Among Us is the world’s new gaming obsession. For those still unaware of this fantastic fad, Among Us is an online multiplayer game released in June 2018. It drew little notice initially, but, like a film that was first unheralded but later became a cult classic (e.g. Blade Runner), the game has recently experienced rapid growth in popularity. Apparently much of this newfound fame has been driven by TikTok content, though I wouldn’t know. As a twenty-five year-old man, I think having a TikTok gives Chris Hansen probable cause to search my van.

            The game places you on a map, usually a spaceship, and assigns you one of two roles: Crewmate or Impostor. In a standard game, there will be around eight Crewmates and two Impostors, though exact proportions vary. The Crewmates must complete tasks around the game map while evading the murderous Impostors. The dastardly Impostors seek to sabotage the ship and assassinate the Crewmates before all the tasks are completed. The pacifistic Crewmates’ only way to fight back is by voting them off, a la Survivor, in voting sessions that may be called by a Crewmate or automatically convened upon discovery of a hapless Crewmate’s corpse. There, in the words of Anakin Skywalker, is where the fun begins. During a voting session, all players can argue for who should be ejected and defend their own right to stay. What ensues is a cavalcade of lies, misdirection, and fabrication sufficient to win the heart of even the most Saul-Goodman-esque attorney.

Pictured: Can you tell who the Imposter is? Photo Courtesy of stayhipp.com

Pictured: Can you tell who the Imposter is? Photo Courtesy of stayhipp.com

            Now, why does all this make Among Us the ultimate complement to my law school coursework? I generally find myself only capable of trying to force Civil Procedure into my head for around fifty minutes at a time, and therefore I set a timer on my iPhone for fifty minutes whenever I study. Once those glorious bells chime, I pace about the Law School and gaze at the disappointed stares of my illustrious forebears’ portraits before resuming my studies. Yet, often I have not sufficiently regained focus after such a sojourn. In such a situation, Among Us constitutes the ultimate method of further procrastination. This is partly because a game of Among Us lasts roughly ten minutes, providing a natural stopping point. But it is also because the game itself hones one’s legal abilities.

            Unlike most, I prefer playing as Crewmate, the role which is also most conducive to the development of legal acumen. Crewmate is far more relaxing than a heart-racing game as Impostor. One simply trundles about the map, completing tasks by pushing buttons and solving simple puzzles. Each rewards me with a pleasant noise, removing me for an instant from the care and turmoil of my daily existence. Additionally, during the voting sessions, one can sharpen one’s skills in written advocacy, advancing powerful arguments about the Impostor’s identity. It is great fun to practice one’s advocacy skills before preteen gamers rather than septuagenarian professors. In those meetings one also practices investigation skills by deducing which team members are clearly not Impostors and singling out those who are, as well as evidentiary skills (a simple assertion of “red sus” will likely not suffice without an accompanying “I saw red vent”). Furthermore, participation in a fast-paced team of six to nine individuals working towards a common goal prepares one to collaboratively problem solve in the world of high-stakes corporate litigation.


            Playing as the Impostor also has its charms. One can run around murdering Crewmates, pretending they are that kid from your section who couldn’t stop talking about the major memo. Additionally, once you come under suspicion, you will be forced to apply your skills in misleading argumentation and deflection as never before. Though many of us are unlikely, burdened by student loan debt as we are, to ever pursue the interesting lifestyle of a criminal defense attorney, we will get to approximate that thrill by defending ourselves against truthful accusations of guilt in the safe context of Among Us. Furthermore, if one is a clever Impostor, one will get to enjoy bandying about wildly false accusations in order to deflect attention from one’s own malfeasance—without the fear of incurring Rule 11 Sanctions.


            It is for those reasons—its short game length, inculcation of key skills for both transactional and litigation practice, and relaxing nature—that make Among Us the perfect study break for law students. So, this finals’ season, if you truly want to beat the curve, do yourself a favor: Drop Quimbee, add Among Us. You can thank me later—for now, I have another game to start.

 ---

dnc9hu@virginia.edu

UVA Law Works of Art (Part III)


The Law School is home to a number of interesting works of art. Invariably, art elicits different and quirky opinions. We here at the Law Weekly believe it is our duty to not only share the copious amounts of artwork at the School, especially with our virtual readers, but also give you our seasoned art critiques. All photo credits to Devon Chenelle ’23 unless otherwise indicated.

N

Name: Untitled

Douglas Graebner '21: Very throwback to early AbEx, feels like a very “half Gorky, half very very early Pollack, some level of ties to Klee.”

Kathryn Querner '22: Here, we have a painting of masks. Ahead of its time, I know.

Ben Stievater '22: The first letter you see in this painting is the same as in your future spouse’s name —or at least it would be if you were ever going to find love, nerd.

Name: Armistead Mason Dobie

Name: Armistead Mason Dobie

Ben Stievater '22: Incredibly unique! If only there were another two dozen like it scattered around the Law School.

Jacob Smith '23: At least this painting makes me feel good about my hairline. Also, what is about being a judge that makes wearing a red sash around your neck cool?

Name: Wagon Wheel by Stephen Keene

Name: Wagon Wheel by Stephen Keene

Leah Deskins '21: Reminds me of Andrew Wyeth’s artwork. I once saw a poster with an Andrew Wyeth painting on it while riding the metro in D.C. #Cultured.

Jacob Jones '21: I’ve seen a house before. I’m not that impressed.

Ben Stievater '22: A depiction of Mimilshak’s famous 2015 social experiment on whether blaring “Wagon Wheel” by Old Crow Medicine Show would bring all the fraternity brothers to the yard. As hypothesized, it did.

Becoming the Chair: A Beginner's Guide to Yoga


Jonathan Peterson ‘23
Staff Editor

Vinyasa. Crow’s pose. Warrior one and two. If any of these terms mean something more to you than having some vague connection with yoga, you are more prepared than I was for SBA’s Wellness Wednesday Yoga, which takes place every week at 7:30 p.m. I joined the Zoom call at 7:31, fashionably late, and totally unsure of what to expect. Hidden behind the safe, warm, gray Zoom tile of anonymity, which I knew would keep my yoga failures and foibles hidden from the gaze of the collected and accomplished instructor, Eliza Robertson ’22, I pulled the trigger and began my career as a yogi.

            Suffice it to say I was not expecting what I entered into on numerous levels. The first surprise came when, upon joining, I realized there were only two others in the call—the instructor and a 1L braver than I, evidenced by her active participation in Zoom’s video features. This was not a level of intimacy I had anticipated. Can one, in good faith, not participate in a pre-yoga discussion when you make up one-third of the participants? Is there yoga etiquette that covers this situation? Should I have studied? Muted and unseen, I experienced an internal struggle the gravity of which few men encounter in their lives.

            Ultimately, the choice was a simple one—inaction is always more comfortable than action, and I am certainly a fellow with quite a bit of inertia. Thus, my level of yoga participation will probably come as no surprise to my readers, but news of my actual attendance may be quite the surprise to my fellow participants (participant?), who neither saw nor heard hide nor hair of me throughout our transformative hour-long-experience. However, this fact is probably for the best. My yoga experience was anything but graceful; full of sweat, shaking legs, poorly timed breaths, and a miserable attempt at “playing around with the crow’s pose,” my participation would have only added comedic value to the whole venture.

             This is not to say, however, that yoga did not bring value into my own life. While I may not offer much to yoga or the yogi community, I found immense enjoyment in the activity. Law school is hard. I’m a wee little 1L. There’s a lot on my plate, and there’s little better for dealing with that overburdened plate than an hour of low intensity yet somehow very taxing physical activity, which also incorporates a mindfulness component. Yoga makes the muscles feel alive, allows the unruly and unfocused mind to be tamed for a short time, and narrows your existence into the stretch of ligaments, the tired-yet-unfinished tremble of legs, and the slow roll of a droplet of sweat descending down your forehead and across the brow, landing with a soundless splash upon the ground, the mat, the carpet, wherever you choose to be in the moment. It is one of those special activities that requires both physical presence and presence of mind, which is what I found to be yoga’s true draw—its ability to draw me away from the stresses of life and really be mentally present, at least for an hour.

            Yoga manages to do this, I believe, thanks to two aspects of the activity. The first is the intense stillness of the holds. Yoga is not like other exercises. It isn’t running. It isn’t swimming. It isn’t squatting or deadlifting or jumping rope or anything. Yoga is yoga. Yoga is still, quiet, and collected. It is predicated on large fluid movements that require precise control and strength to complete in the slow and effortless fashion of the public-place-yoga-dude we all make fun of under our breaths, but whose confidence and poise we are secretly envious of as we shuffle along the sidewalk. The intense stillness of the holds creates, as I quickly learned, quite the strain on one’s muscles. At first, the pose feels simple. Pretend I’m sitting in a chair? I’ve done this with a chair a thousand times, no problem. But, after you’ve cycled through your self-made chair a few times, the legs of that chair—your very own legs—quickly lose their former stability. They ache, and they burn, and they wobble, and there is nothing you can think about but the physical sensations coursing through you. You become the chair, albeit a chair in substantial pain, as the instructor calmly repeats breathing instructions. The focus required and the physical strain inherent in doing these intensely still movements over a long and repetitive period of time is part of what enables yoga to pull one away from other stressors in the moment. It demands both your physical and mental presence.

            The second aspect of yoga that allows this is the breathing. The entire time, while straining to complete pose after pose, your breath is something you must keep under control. Again, this activity requires being mentally present to the degree that it does not allow one to worry about outside stressors. It is one thing to breathe while sitting here, writing this piece. It is an entirely other task to focus on one’s breathing, control it, and fall into a conscious rhythm. And even that process doesn’t compare to achieving those results while also engaging in the sort of physical strain which accompanies yoga. To do so requires a level of control that I do not yet possess, but I find inspirational. And to do so requires constant mental presence. There is no room between the ears for tomorrow’s reading while this second’s breathing is on the line.

            In summation, despite my lack of experience and the unexpected intimacy of the zoom call, I firmly enjoyed my time and would absolutely recommend yoga to anyone interested. I, personally, will certainly be returning next week. Who knows, perhaps this time I’ll turn my camera on.

---

jtp4bw@virginia.edu

Spooky Candy Rankings


Drew Calamaro ‘21
Satire Editor

Dear reader, we are at the point in the semester where the writer no longer cares about providing you with quality, time-invested candy rankings. Instead, we are going to just feed you artificial, mass-produced, easy-to-digest-but-something-you-regret-reading rankings articles. Sort of like candy. This is, of course, a definitive ranking of candies.

 

10. “I Want Candy” – NOT Aaron Carter, 1982

            Who the hell knew that “I Want Candy” was first written and sung by Bow Wow Wow? I didn’t. I always thought this was an Aaron Carter song. Either way, this is a classic and is automatically stuck in your head the second you read the song title. I will say, the original song is the one I am thinking of, but Jesus, I had no clue it was this old. 1982. Anyways, this is spooky because, statistically speaking, someone who worked on the production, writing, music video filming, acting, or distribution of this song is probably dead.

 

9. “Chocolate Rain” – Tay Zonday, 2007

            This guy is a legend of the viral video game. He was a weird-looking guy back then, and guess what—he’s a weird-looking guy now. The only thing that I remember about this song is him singing the words “chocolate rain,” and that’s about it. No, I am not rewatching this song. Maybe I will, but not right now. Sad story—a video title of an interview with this guy says that he lost millions by not putting the song on iTunes. This is a lesson for you incredibly talented musical geniuses in the legal field, of which there are many—make hay while the sun shines, baby.

 

8. “Sugar (feat. Wynter)” – Flo Rida, Wynter Gordon, 2009

            I am terrible at memorizing lyrics, but by God, I can sing like half of this song cause it’s just ripped (sampled) from that “I’m Blue” song. This song was a banger, but I feel like it got overshadowed by other candy-themed songs that came out around the same time. Or maybe not, and I am out of touch with the pop culture world, which I most certainly am. However, not as out of touch as MANY in this school, who don’t even try to engage with, like, society. Anyways, fantastic song, and God bless Flo Rida.

 

7. “Chocolate Salty Ball” – Chef/Isaac Hayes/South Park

            I mean this song has absolutely everything—a FULL recipe for chocolate salty balls, including directions on how to make it, sung by the righteous and legendary voice that is Isaac Hayes. Fun fact, the recipe doesn’t call for salt. If you don’t think Chocolate Salty Ball is a funny song, then you have a big dump in your pants. Also, if you think the Law Weekly shouldn’t be referencing something “lowbrow” like this, then you, too, have a big dump in your pants. Find a toilet and learn some potty humor before judging me for my choice in songs is all that I am saying. Also, show Isaac Hayes some respect.

 

6. “Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows” – Lesley Gore, the 60s I think

            Like Rodney Dangerfield’s comedy near the time this came out, this song doesn’t get enough respect. It is constantly used in movies, and you always know something bad is going to happen like right after the scene is over. Usually, it ends mid-song with a little echo or something, and the protagonist has a dumbfounded or horrified look on his or her face. Fantastic song for setting that vibe up.

 

5. “The Candyman” – Sammy Davis Jr. version, 1971

            This isn’t so much about candy as it is about the Candy Man. I have always thought it was a creepy song. It’s like a well-meaning version of Lollipop, which just doesn’t bode well. That being said, this, too, is used a lot in movies. Usually, the main character is on drugs. Don’t hold me to that.

 

4. “Sugar, We’re Going Down” – Fall Out Boy, 2005

            “One night and one more time, thanks for the memories even though they weren’t so GREAT.” That’s what I think of when I think of this song. Those lyrics aren’t even from this song. Honestly, I shouldn’t even be putting it in here, but I know people would get mad if I didn’t. You could even say I didn’t want to deal with the FALLOUT! Ok, next song.

 

3. “Lollipop” – Lil Wayne, 2008

            Unbelievable this isn’t number one, I know. I agonized over that, but I have to give precedence to the next song. Something like a little under a year after its release, “Lollipop” sold over nine million copies (if you’re looking for a footnote, it ain’t happening, buster. Go look it up on Wikipedia yourself). What else is there to say other than “Sh, sh, she lick me like a lollipop.” Thank God for Lil Wayne.

 

2. “Candy Shop” – 50 Cent, 2005

            Legendary. Just incredible. I don’t know anything about music history or music theory, but I know that this song makes me weep with joy. It speaks to our humanity—nay, it defines it. This is who we are, and we all bow down at the throne of 50 Cent’s “Candy Shop.”

 

Actual number one:  the edible grass in “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory”

            I have been thinking about this all week. The grass really did it for me. Just blew my mind as a little second grader when I first saw this movie, and I still want to try it. Alas, I never will, and I find that very sad. But also a metaphor, p’raps, about how we will never achieve perfection in this life. All I can hope for is to be carried on a chocolate river’s liquids in the next life and to be washed up onto an edible, candy-grass shore. That is the true meaning of Halloween.

Pictured: Willy Wonka is emblematic of Halloween. Photo Courtesy of pbs.twimg.com

Pictured: Willy Wonka is emblematic of Halloween. Photo Courtesy of pbs.twimg.com

 

Honorable mention: “Laffy Taffy”– D4L

---

dac6jk@virginia.edu

Empty Trails and Open Air: Social Distancing at Its Finest


Stan Birch ‘22
News Editor


The last time I wrote for the Law Weekly about camping and social distancing, it was not the best of “camping” trips but provided ample comedic content for the paper.[1] So, naturally, when I planned another camping trip, I figured a second article would either prove I actually knew what I am doing or would continue to provide comedic relief. This article, dear readers, does a little of both.

Quarantine has been a drag on everyone and keeping socially distanced can feel frustrating, but the moment I am on a hiking trail I want as few people near me as possible. This makes backpacking the perfect activity to avoid people while forgetting that avoiding people is all you seem to do these days. My significant other, an awesome person and also cooped up at home, readily agreed to pack up our bags and go backpacking. Having been in and out of Shenandoah National Park many times during quarantine for drives, day trips, and another backpacking trip, we knew that, in order to miss the fall crowds, we needed to pick a more difficult and sparsely traveled trail. We settled on Rocky Mount and Gap Run trails, right off Two Mile Run Overlook on Skyline Drive.

Pictured: The cold, bugs, and sweating was well worth this view. Photo Courtesy of Stan Birch '22.

Pictured: The cold, bugs, and sweating was well worth this view. Photo Courtesy of Stan Birch '22.

Driving in on a Friday afternoon, the park was beautiful with great foliage all around us. Or so I’m told. I was focused on avoiding the many drivers who seemed to forget they were behind the steering wheel of a large moving piece of metal and were busy looking out at the scenic views or filming for their Instagram story.[2] After arriving at Two Mile Run, I got a chance to enjoy the view myself, including the rocky cliffs far in the distance, and all the foliage in full fall swing. We loaded up our packs, locked the car, texted our parents where we were and when we’d be back, and headed off to the trailhead.

It was quiet and there weren’t other cars parked at the overlook, so we felt confident that we were some of the only people on the trail. That confidence was bolstered when we repeatedly walked face-first into very large and very ornate spider webs spun right across the trail. As the sun started to set and the light faded, our goal became finding a good place to set up for the night. We made it to a fork in the trail and started searching for a nearby flat space. Since this is backcountry camping, there weren’t any ideal pre-cleared spaces, so we found a seemingly flat space[3] and started pushing the fallen leaves off to the side to set up our tent. We were greeted by more of our arachnid friends from earlier. After shooing off a few particularly large friends, we were left alone for the rest of the night and set up our tent without too much trouble. This meant it was chow time.

Opting for light and convenient, we went with freeze-dried pouches, just adding boiling water. While packing, I found an old freeze-dried granola from my Scouting days[4] and thought I’d bring it (along with a spare) to see if it was still any good. Things we learned: While many freeze-dried meals last for nearly three decades, some of the powdered milk options decidedly do not.[5] I say “we,” because after taking two bites and not being sure if I should keep eating, my camping companion tried a much smaller spoonful and could not spit it out fast enough. The spare granola was immediately prepared, and the remnants of the spoiled meal scattered far away from our campsite. After this, we packed up the rest of our food into a bear bag, found a suitable tree, tossed a line, and hoisted our breakfast and power bars to safety far from any prying paws.

After taking care of dinner, it was time to climb into our home-away-from-home. This tent was a change in gear from our previous trips. Being lighter and smaller meant it would pack and carry easier, but it also meant less space inside. This proved not to be too much of a problem, until the ever-so-slight slope meant one of us was continually being sandwiched between the tent wall and another soundly sleeping party. Ultimately, everyone slept well through the night despite the gravity-induced snuggling.

The next morning involved some highs and lows. The highs: Nothing getting into the food bag overnight, freeze-dried biscuits and gravy tasting several times better than expected, and the views when we reached the peak. The lows: It started to drizzle as we started packing and we ended up seeing a few other people on the hike. After rushing to pack everything away and putting pack covers on, we headed for the peak—only for the rain to stop. The trail marker said 1.2 miles, but I am not sure what definition of a “mile” they had in mind.

It was all worth it. The view was wonderful, it was quiet and full of changing leaves and colors, and we had it all to ourselves. In the far distance I noticed a white car parked at an overlook and realized I was standing on the rocky face I had seen when we first loaded up. On our hike back we passed a few groups heading in as we made our way back to the car. After getting off the trail and remembering what I said earlier about drivers on Skyline, we decided to walk along the wall to avoid hiking against the road. This was a great plan—but it seems that a little snake had the same idea. After a rapid series of high-knees and sly slithers to avoid one another, we walked up to the car and planned what to get for lunch. On the way out, the lines of cars getting into the park were each about seventy or eighty long. I was glad we were on our way out.

Overall, this trip proved much more enjoyable and much more adventurous than the time I camped “near” the Law School. If you can safely do so and feel any inclination to hike or explore the Shenandoah, I can’t recommend it enough. Who knows, we might see one another on the trail and awkwardly  shuffle past each other.

---

sfb9yu@virginia.edu


[1] 4/12/20 Article “Practicing Social Distancing and Adverse Possession”

[2] If you go to Shenandoah to see how beautiful it is, and you very much should, use an overlook. Put your car in park. Take it all in. Don’t be these people.

[3] It was not.

[4] Approximately 2011.

[5] Rule of Thumb: If it tastes like cardboard and smells weird, stop eating.

What Happens Next: Thoughts on Post Election


Will Palmer ‘21

You know that feeling you get when you get onto a roller coaster at an old theme park in Eastern Europe, and the tracks look real rickety and the seatbelts are made out of rope, but Yuri the ride operator says it’s fine to ride, so you get on and it starts up the hill, and you look back and realize that Yuri is blackout drunk on cheap vodka, and also never worked at the theme park in the first place, but it’s too late to get off the roller coaster? My friend Dennis sure does.[1]

            Let me back up a bit. I feel like this analogy went a little off the rails.[2] I was in the process of writing a hilarious article poking fun at President Trump–seriously, it was great, I even managed to get a Marvin Gaye reference in there–but, well, this situation calls for something a bit more well-crafted than put-downs about daddy issues.

            Let’s begin with a quote. I believe it encapsulates the philosophy of Trumpism’s most ardent and aggressive supporters[3] pretty accurately:

 

Power is in inflicting pain and humiliation. Power is in tearing human minds to pieces and putting them in new shapes of your own choosing . . . The old civilizations claimed to be founded upon love and justice. Ours is founded upon hatred. In our world, there will be no emotions except fear, rage, triumph and self-abasement. Everything else we shall destroy. Everything . . . There will be no art, no literature, no science. When we are omnipotent, we will have no more need of science . . . But always . . . always at every moment there will be the thrill of victory, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is hopeless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face–forever.

            -1984, George Orwell (O’Brien speaking to Winston)

 

            I reject this vision of the world. I like people. I like art, literature, and science. What I don’t like is inflicting pain and humiliation on other people, especially when it is done solely to inflict pain. I feel like these are easy things to agree with. Here’s another premise: A victory for the sole sake of trampling upon others is no victory at all; it is a monstrosity. Looking at life as a zero-sum game is a good way to hamstring us all. Cooperation is the way to move forward, not internecine brawling. So to that world of power and hate and trampling, I say no. I will always say no, and I trust that you shall as well. (In a more literal sense, getting stomped in the face sounds like a bad time, and boots taste like crap anyway.)

            The extremists who agitate for violence in support of President Trump are not people for us to be afraid of. They are afraid themselves but cannot point to what, specifically, they truly fear–and so their fear, their rage, their hate, is directed outwards, always outwards. They represent a challenge for our nation to overcome, not a group for us to loathe or run from. What they dream of, what they want, is fire and death, bodies in the streets, shell casings on the pavement. What we will show them is something they are not prepared for: reason, and understanding, and unity among people like you, and me, and our friends and family; a mutual desire to bring our great, ugly, beautiful country into a brighter, better tomorrow. And hopefully, those same people who live in such fear of life can see that it is a much more beautiful thing when you live it without distrust and hate toward fellow human beings.

            Now is not a time for violence, or unmitigated rage, or destruction of property. It is time for us to rise up in defense of our country’s values and institutions, yes, and rise we shall, but we must not permit ourselves to stoop to the level of the hateful, myopic individuals we are facing.

            Trust in each other. Help each other. Avoid paramilitary folks looking for trouble, no matter what side they’re on (although, let’s be real, one side might try and fail to burn down the local Starbucks while the other side stands around looking for a reason to machine gun unarmed minorities, so it’s not like they’re exactly on the same level of messed up). Keep an eye out for police looking for an excuse to hurt people (I’m not saying all police are looking for an excuse to hurt people. I’m also not saying some of them aren’t). Stock up on canned goods. Do not practice violence or vandalism. The basics are pretty simple.

            Here are a couple of quick recommendations if you’d like to get involved. Protect the Results is a joint project organized by Indivisible and Stand Up America intended to coordinate nationwide efforts to protect the legitimacy of the democratic process from interference. You can look them up at protecttheresults.com. If you’re looking for further reading, I recommend obtaining a copy of the Training Manual for Nonviolent Defense Against the Coup d’État.[4]

            We’ve had tough times before, and we’ll have them again. That’s part of being human, and it’s part of being American–but only part. The other part is getting through those hard times. Have faith–faith in the ideals you believe in, and the future you want for our country–and we can work together to make all of our Americas closer to reality.

---

wtp7bq@virginia.edu


[1] R.I.P. Dennis. I told you not to go to theme parks in Yugoslavia.

[2] Just like Dennis did.

[3] Being politically conservative doesn’t make someone a bad person. Neither does being a registered Republican. Conservatives, liberals, independents and all other voters have the most important things in common: We care for America, and we are human beings with innate worth.

[4] Available for free at https://www.nonviolent-conflict.org/resource/training-manual-for-nonviolent-defense-against-the-coup-detat/.

Spooky Times at TikTok High


Sai Kulkarni ‘23
Staff Editor


TikTok and Halloween are intimately involved, and I’m not talking about the spooky vibes that come from foreign data collection and smart algorithms. If you’re interested in that, go bother 2Ls and 3Ls that know more about IP and national security law or any of the talented 1Ls who were STEM majors. No, this week I will try and explain why TikTok has Halloween to thank for much of its popularity, why the phrase “spooky, scary skeletons” brings back nostalgia for users like me, and why you should join the app during these dark times (if the aforementioned spooky vibes don’t scare you).

Pictured: By the time quarantine is over, law students won't need a costume to look like this. Photo Courtesy of youtube.com/watch?vv=-1dSY6ZuXEY.

Pictured: By the time quarantine is over, law students won't need a costume to look like this. Photo Courtesy of youtube.com/watch?vv=-1dSY6ZuXEY.

            Before I go further, it is important to acknowledge that the only reason TikTok exists as a platform  is because our old friend Vine has haunted many of us for four years, just like the spirit of dear old Harambe. Short videos with most of the content replicating others’ original ideas was a groundbreaking idea that combined our generation’s short attention span with the monetization of unoriginality. True genius is often underappreciated, and that is why we are left with only Vine’s ghost due to the gruesome betrayal of Twitter. Although there have been attempts by Vine’s creator to bring back Vine with Byte, as with Frankenstein and his monster, the revival is not exactly performing the same way. Thus, with this elegy written, let us move on to the current object of terror: TikTok.

            Around mid-2019, TikTok’s ad campaigns started exploding. I would cite a source but I don’t think you need one. The YouTube ads, billboards, and even ads on traditional cable were everywhere, promoting awkward home videos, Rube Goldberg machines, and cosplays. I fell victim to them and eventually downloaded the app just to check it out. I won’t lie and say I never went back. But my pattern of downloading and deleting the app ended with Halloween 2019. It was around that time that the rapid turnaround of trends entered its current form. Almost every two days, a new spooky themed trend began and people put their own twists on it. Individual communities on the app  grew larger and more defined: Anime, goth, witches, LGBTQ+, and “TikTok dances” were among these. The app began to boom with these holiday-themed trends, and the mainstream media has chronicled the growth since last October.[1]

            I have a theory why the holiday season particularly fostered the trends that led to so many people hopping on the bandwagon: simplicity. A simple trend replicated time and time again brings more people on board to do it themselves. They were threaded together by the shared experience of the holiday season and that only added to the situation. Here is where the skeletons come in. One specific user, minecrafter2011, posted a daily dance to audio titled “Spooky Scary Skeletons.” Their consistent posting over Spooktober encouraged members from every subcommunity  to attempt the dance. Another user started a (too early) weekly countdown to Christmas with a trap remix to “Here Comes Santa Claus” that garnered millions of views. Among others, these two creators fostered a sense of community and simplicity in odd times. The cosplay and art communities shared their time-appropriate works and the processes that went into making them. Cooking creators showcased their own delectable treats. Holiday times have become so rote for us, with the dressing up, partying, and seasonal drinks appearing like clockwork, that this app provided new and exciting takes on classic ideas.

            The year ended with hundreds of “end of the decade” compilations with predictions for the next year that were wildly off—for obvious reasons. But it is the very spooky thing I have avoided mentioning this entire article that makes this discussion necessary. At first glance, this article looks like a 1L taking advantage of the fact that his EIC told him he could write whatever he wanted on this topic. That is a harsh thought, and I am offended you even dare to entertain it. This article actually serves as a plea to the readers. We have been going through dark times this year. While I hope my narrative about TikTok trends was amusing, I want to continue to keep your spirits up in the dark times as they continue. Join the app if you aren’t uncomfortable with the privacy issues. I promise that through the cringe and dances, you will find a community and content for you. The laughs and good vibes TikTok provides are exactly the break we all need as we enter a time where exams dominate our lives. And seriously, dear readers, you need to let the ghost of Vine pass onto the great beyond. Most of you only saw the compilations after the tragic passing anyway.

---

omk6g@virginia.edu


[1] Sherman, A. (2020). TikTok reveals detailed user numbers for the first time. CNBC. https://www.cnbc.com/2020/08/24/tiktok-reveals-us-global-user-growth-numbers-for-first-time.html#:~:text=January%202018%3A%2011%2C262%2C970%20U.S.%20monthly,June%202020%3A%2091%2C937%2C040

Virginia is for Apple Lovers


Dana Lake ‘23
Staff Editor


Virginia is apple country, and it’s time to finally reap the benefits. Autumn spoils us with options: apples hand-picked off the tree, fresh-pressed apple cider, hot cider donuts, caramel apples, apple pie . . . there are almost as many ways to eat apples as there are kinds of apples to eat.


If you surveyed five different people on their favorite apple variety, you would have five different answers. Unfortunately, if you surveyed 500 people, you would probably still have only five unique answers. There are over 100 apple varieties grown commercially in the United States, and, with that many options, it’s easier to stick with what you know. For the same reason you keep buying Pinot Grigio instead of trying an Arneis or Viura, we limit ourselves to the sad but comfortable binary of Red Delicious vs. Granny Smith.

Pictured: The amount of apples to choose from in this picture rivals the amount at your local grocery store, absurd. Photo Courtesy of Dana Lake '23.

Pictured: The amount of apples to choose from in this picture rivals the amount at your local grocery store, absurd. Photo Courtesy of Dana Lake '23.

The world of apple tasting is deeper than you would believe if you don’t regularly spend over fifteen minutes in the fruit section of Harris Teeter. Apple varieties exist on a crispness scale ranging from one (soft like a banana) to ten (hard like a cracker). They have complex flavor profiles and acidity levels, and different types are better suited for different purposes. Companies and universities spend years crossing and re-crossing different types to reach the perfect combination of crispness, sweetness, shelf-life, and shipping ability. They spend hundreds of thousands (sometimes millions) of dollars on the research, then convince orchards to plant their new variety. They trademark and sue for infringement. The drama is even more interesting than you think.


But we’ll take things slow. This is your introductory guide to apples, meant to furnish you with the simple tools you need to annoy your friends and enhance your grocery shopping experience.


Pink Lady

Crispness: 7/10

Taste: sweet-tart

A cross between Golden Delicious and Lady Williams. You’ve probably tasted this variety without even knowing it—this is one of the main apples used for pre-packaged slices. It’s slow to oxidize after cutting, so Pink Ladies are great for putting out on a tray for guests. The tartness makes it a good pair for caramel dipping.


Fuji

Crispness: 6/10

Taste: very sweet

A cross between Red Delicious and Ralls Janet. Originally developed in Japan. Taste is very sweet, texture is firm,  and they are about fist-sized. A good apple for bringing on a hike.


Gala

Crispness: 7/10

Taste: mellow-sweet

A cross between Golden Delicious and Kidd’s Orange Red. The apple most likely to be substituted for the variety you paid for in a Walmart Grocery delivery. Queen Elizabeth of England’s favorite apple. Highly overrated.


McIntosh

Crispness: 4/10

Taste: sweet-tart

The apple variety my friend’s mom uses for making homemade applesauce for the Jewish High Holy days. She will search through stores to find this particular variety; no substitutes allowed. Makes the best applesauce you’ll ever eat, also well-suited for juicing.


JonaGold

Crispness: 8/10

Taste: sweet-tangy

Cross between Golden Delicious and Jonathan. A variety grown on Carter Mountain, available for hand picking. Large and sweet, with a thinner skin that makes it a good pick for baking but bad for carrying in your backpack.


Honeycrisp

Crispness: 10/10

Taste: sweet

Cross between Keepsake and MN1627. This editor’s favorite apple. A perfect combination of crispy bite and honey flavor, large enough to be a satisfying snack. Pairs perfectly with a good cheddar cheese. Doesn’t ship well and isn’t very widely grown, so treat yourself if you find it available near you. Very refreshing, very delicious.


Cosmic Crisp

Crispness: 50/10

Taste: sweet-mellow

Cross between Honeycrisp and Enterprise. The newest apple variety on the block. Released in 2019 after 20 years of development at the University of Washington. Check out The Indicator podcast episode “The $100 Million Apple” for a deeper dive into apple lore than you thought possible. The crispness is truly cosmic, but the flavor doesn’t live up to the awesome expectations of the Honeycrisp.


Pippin

Crispness: 7/10

Taste: tart

A heritage variety, one of the oldest American apples. A green apple, to avoid accusations of bias in this guide. Sometimes called the Albemarle Pippin, this variety was a favorite of Thomas Jefferson and a popular export to Victorian England. These apples need to be stored for a few months after harvest for them to be edible, as they are hard and sour right off the tree. Worth trying if you manage to find it at a farmer’s market here in Virginia; great for pressing into cider.


Do you have a favorite variety not included here? What apple do you use for your family recipes? Do you think we’re likely to receive a pointed letter from an attorney for besmirching the Cosmic Crisp name? Are you interested in practicing Apple Law? Let us know.

---

dl9uh@virginia.edu

Fall Activities — Social Distancing Edition


Kathryn Querner ‘22
Executive Editor

Carter Mountain Orchard, boasting fall treats and some of the best panoramic views in Charlottesville, has adapted to offer fall fun in a pandemic-friendly manner. Last year, I had the opportunity to visit Carter Mountain with my sectionmates during its Sunset Series and again in early November with an out-of-town friend to pick apples, so I was excited to make another trip up and curious to see how this experience would differ.

Pictured: Carter Mountain never fails to impress with its views. Photo Courtesy of Kathryn Querner '22.

Pictured: Carter Mountain never fails to impress with its views. Photo Courtesy of Kathryn Querner '22.

            Having visited this past Thursday, October 22, I can say that yes, in fact, the experience differed in several ways. It was a fun and fall-filled experience nonetheless, though, and I highly recommend that those looking for a socially-distanced and fall-themed activity for the season check it out.

            A few differences of note: For one, you need to book a time-slot ahead of time on the Carter Mountain Orchard webpage to visit the Orchard. There are offerings every day of the week, and you simply select either a morning, mid-day, or afternoon three-hour slot. For certain weekdays, the ticket price is waived; weekends and Fridays  require a paid ticket. Second, if you choose to pick apples, you prepay for either a small bag or a larger box, and then you are free to fill the bag or box up as much as you’d like. Also, masks are required when you are within six feet of another party.

            Carter Mountain offers all sorts of fall activities. From a small pumpkin patch to picking many apple varieties in the Orchard, shopping for fresh-baked apple pies, apple cider donuts, and other fall treats—the three-hour time limit barely allows time to engage in all of the activities. For those coming at mealtime, a small food menu and drinks are available at the front. And of course, the scenic views from various overlook points at the entrance and throughout the Orchard provide spectacular landscape views that aren’t easy to find in Charlottesville.

            I walked away from the Orchard on Thursday with a bag of about twenty apples —mostly Granny Smith and Fuji —and feeling invigorated from the wholesome fall experience. Now onto the next fall endeavor—making apple pie!



Kolleen Gladden ‘21
Photographer

 

If you’re looking to get out of the Charlottesville area without traveling too far, I highly recommend the Blue Ridge Mountain Maze, located by Wood Ridge Farm Brewery in Lovingston, Virginia. I first learned of Wood Ridge when the Outdoor Club stopped there after a hike in early February. I was surprised to be hearing of it for the first time and have been more surprised to hear that this brewery is somewhat of a hidden gem.

Pictured: Good luck getting out of this corn-maze. Photo Courtesy of Kolleen Gladden '21.

Pictured: Good luck getting out of this corn-maze. Photo Courtesy of Kolleen Gladden '21.

            Overlooking the gorgeous Blue Ridge Mountains (as the name suggests), the Blue Ridge Maze is a new, seasonal feature of the brewery, open until November 8. Christian Sorenson ’21 and I visited in mid-October and were delighted by the experience. The open atmosphere made it easy to socially distance, and there were a plethora of fun fall activities. We began with the maze. Before entering, maze-travelers are equipped with a crayon and sheet of paper with Virginia trivia on it. The goal is to find trivia “posts” set up throughout the maze and attempt to answer the questions posed. Depending on the answer you give, the maze will instruct you to take a different turn (for example, if you choose “Answer C”, it may tell you to turn left), with successful answers leading you in the correct direction to complete the maze. We somehow finished the maze without visiting each of the posts, which baffled us all. We chose to go in the early evening, but the maze becomes a “night maze” after dark. How the “night maze” differs from the day maze is a question we never had answered, so proceed at your own risk.

            Along with the maze, the Blue Ridge extension has a pumpkin patch where you can even slingshot pumpkins, admire farm animals, and eat plenty of fall treats such as caramel apples (which were reasonably priced and delicious) as well as pies from the Pie Guy. Once we exhausted these activities, we ventured over to Wood Ridge for food and drinks. The brewery has an outdoor food truck from which you can order and plenty of spaced outdoor seating. I am in no way a beer connoisseur, but I was told that the drinks were very good. I can attest to the quality of the food, which was also delicious. They have a variety of options that can be made vegan, including totchos and veggie burgers, which I thought were great. Overall, it was a wonderful experience and a great way to get out of the house in a distanced manner.

---

kmq8vf@virginia.edu
kcg3ar@virginia.edu

“Now More Than Ever,” the Law School Needs Immigration Law Faculty


Michael Berdan ‘22
Opinions Editor

Ida Abhari ‘22
Guest Writer

More than one in seven residents of the United States was born in another country, and about eleven million of them are presently undocumented. The current President was swept into office due in no small part to his (let’s call it) “aggressive rhetoric”[1] against immigration, and his administration has abided by this anti-immigrant ethos in policy,[2] rulemaking,[3] and procedural reform.[4] Since immigration courts are not Article III courts, but rather fall under the Justice Department, asylum seekers have limited due process rights—most glaringly, they have no guarantee of legal counsel. More than one attorney has referred to our asylum system as “doing death penalty cases in a traffic court setting.”[5] About one in five asylum trials are conducted with the immigrant-petitioner appearing pro se. The ABA has called on legal professionals to step up pro bono work for asylum seekers, saying that such help is needed “now more than ever.”[6]

Many law firms have responded to the call, bringing their abundant resources and manpower to bear on this problem. Firm websites routinely boast of their attorneys’ participation in asylum, visa, DACA, and other immigration matters.[7] Many law schools have expanded their immigration offerings, with more and more law students entering intent on studying and practicing immigration law in direct response to current events.[8]

UVA Law currently offers the following courses on immigration law: Immigration Law Clinic (year-long, eight students); Immigration Law and Policy: Business and Family (fall, twenty students); and Border Policy and Politics (Spring, twelve students). Notably missing from this list is a foundational, black-letter course in Immigration Law. This was most recently taught by Professor Kevin Cope in Spring 2019 and Spring 2018, but he did not teach it last spring, and it is not scheduled to be taught next spring. Immigration Law and Policy: Business and Family, taught by Adjunct Professor Bill Benos, deals only with a select few avenues for entry which are applicable to Benos’s practice at Williams Mullen, where he is a partner.[9]

Last spring, Professor Cope taught International Law of Migration and Refugees, which “explore[d] the international law of migration, with a focus on refugee law,” particularly regarding international treaties and their impact on migration but also touching on US-specific law and policy regarding refugees and asylum. This international and comparative focus plays to Professor Cope’s scholarly strengths: He researches and writes on international and comparative law, with a particular focus on migration; he is not a US immigration law scholar. Katie Carpenter ’21, who took Immigration Law with Cope in Spring 2019, notes that Cope favors international law topics over domestic immigration law, and that he seemed less comfortable when discussion turned to the mechanics of US immigration law. Cope, when contacted for this article, acknowledged that he “came to immigration law from international law and comparative law, which encompasses most of [his] research,” but also pointed out that he has had experience with immigration removal cases as a lawyer and law clerk, experience which is helpful in the classroom.

This exposes another gap in UVA Law’s slate of immigration offerings. Professor Cope is the only non-adjunct faculty member with any immigration law expertise, and he is not a scholar of the Immigration and Nationality Act (INA), the central body of immigration law in this country. Students seeking to do independent research on aspects of the notoriously technical INA are left with few options.

Ariana Smith ’23 is dismayed by this shortcoming: “Given the current political climate in our country and the world, and the increasingly large role that immigration is playing in intra- and international dialogue, it is extremely important that UVA Law hires a full-time professor who specializes in US immigration law. It is UVA Law's duty to provide additional professors, courses, and resources to students who are studying or are interested in studying immigration law.” Jordan Woodlief ’23, who was an immigration paralegal before coming to the Law School, commented, “Immigration law is a specialized, ever-changing, and ever-growing field of law, and students need a source of guidance as it changes every day. Immigrants are often underserved and exploited in the United States, and UVA should be taking the lead in training the next generation of lawyers who will face this challenge head-on.”

Both Smith and Woodlief are also members of the International Refugee Assistance Project (IRAP) at UVA Law, which mobilizes law students in support of direct legal aid and systemic advocacy for refugees and displaced persons. While IRAP at UVA Law offers its members trainings on topics relevant to its pro bono work, membership is subject to an application process, and the lack of institutional resources for immigration law from the Law School itself “makes it hard to generate interest when students see that there aren’t many opportunities to pursue immigration law beyond discrete pro bono projects  and may lose interest as a result,” according to Dominick Giovanniello ’21, IRAP at UVA Law’s vice president.

In preparing this article, I corresponded with both Dean Risa L. Goluboff and Vice Dean Leslie Kendrick. I asked whether they felt a sense of urgency about bolstering the Law School’s offerings in immigration law, particularly with respect to adding a foundational, black-letter course and hiring US immigration law faculty to supervise student research. Dean Goluboff responded that since the 2016 retirement of Professor Emeritus David A. Martin, the Law School has sought to hire immigration law faculty (Cope’s hire being an example of success) and continues to do so “specifically and affirmatively.” Dean Goluboff noted that immigration is “a challenging field in which to hire,” but did not give particulars on what the University is doing to meet that challenge.

Dean Kendrick noted that the Law School has offered an Immigration Law course in nine of the past ten years. (This math must count Bill Benos’s course in business and family immigration, as it was previously labeled simply “Immigration Law,” a label which frustrated students, as the course does not cover refugee, asylum, or other parts of the more “humanitarian” side of immigration that one thinks of as crucial in a foundational course.) Dean Kendrick also acknowledged that “teaching the basic immigration course is important . . . and I expect we will offer it again next year.” As for UVA Law’s immigration-minded students, and the future clients who will depend on them, they can only hope that this means the administration intends to reassess and redouble their efforts to assemble a UVA-caliber immigration law faculty.

---

mwb4pk@virginia.edu
ia7rh@virginia.edu


[1] See, e.g. "When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. They’re not sending you . . .They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems . . . They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people." -Donald Trump’s campaign announcement speech, June 15, 2015.

[2] U.S. and Guatemala Enter into Agreement Designating Guatemala as a “Safe Third Country” - https://www.aila.org/infonet/us-guatemala-agreement-safe-third-country

[3] Trump Officials Rush to Make it Tougher for Skilled Foreign Workers to Gain Visas - https://www.reuters.com/article/usa-election-immigration-workers-idUSKCN26C2T4

[4] Trump’s ‘Remain in Mexico’ policy has thousands of asylum seekers still stuck at the border - http://www.americamagazine.org/politics-society/2020/09/25/trump-remain-mexico-policy-asylum-seekers

[5] https://www.americanbar.org/groups/litigation/publications/litigation-news/practice-points/death- penalty-cases-traffic-court-setting-lessons-front-lines-immigration-courts/

[6] https://www.americanbar.org/groups/gpsolo/publications/gpsolo_ereport/2020/july-2020/asylum- seekers-need-pro-bono-lawyers-now-more-than-ever/

[7] https://www.cravath.com/news/pro-bono-client-granted-new-asylum-hearing-with-appellate- victory.html

[8] https://www.wbur.org/edify/2019/06/19/law-students-immigration-clinics-boston

[9] I am in that class right now, and it is a fantastic class, but it is not a foundational, black-letter Immigration Law course.

Jacked Up—Adventures with Jackfruit


Kolleen Gladden ‘21
Photographer

It was my sophomore year of college when I first became interested in veganism and a plant-based lifestyle. I have become increasingly serious about it over the years, and although I have not fully perfected my habits (and thus would shy away from calling myself a true vegan *just yet*), I would definitely say I am, at the very least, plant-based. This way of life improved dramatically when Christian Sorensen ’21 expressed an interest in joining me, because he has the skills and patience for cooking.[1] As we researched potential recipe ideas, we set our sights on the jackfruit.


            Jackfruit is part of the fig, mulberry, and breadfruit family, originating in the region between southern India and Malaysia. Its neutral flavor, meaty texture, and nutritional value also makes it an ideal candidate for a meat substitute. After I had no luck at my usual stops of Trader Joe’s and Kroger, I reluctantly decided to inspect Whole Foods. Armed with naïve confidence, I made my way over in search of the fruit.


            Quickly, I found my target. A single jackfruit loomed large over all other produce, a massive beacon. There’s no way we can use all of this, I thought to myself. I texted a picture of it to Christian to get his thoughts. Later I would find out that he had completely missed the diminutive looking pineapples, dwarfed by the massive jackfruit they flanked. His reply was simple. “Buy the fruit, coward.” I looked up from my phone and made eye contact with the Goliath. How much could this thing weigh anyway, fifteen pounds? I picked it up, and it felt lighter than I expected. I made my way over to the counter and plopped it in front of the wide-eyed cashier. Within minutes, I realized I’d made a grave error. The jackfruit was not fifteen pounds; it was twenty-seven. I watched in horror as the display screen showed “Jackfruit: $100.01.” One hundred dollars. Nearly half of my typical monthly grocery budget. It was too late to sprint out of the store, never to return. I paid for it and walked out of the store, slack-jawed and wild-eyed with my haul.

Pictured: Yeah, it's that big. It could've provided enough food to survive all of quarantine so far. Photo Courtesy of Kolleen Gladden '21.

Pictured: Yeah, it's that big. It could've provided enough food to survive all of quarantine so far. Photo Courtesy of Kolleen Gladden '21.

            When Christian greeted me on arrival, he laughed so hard he cried, before proudly carting the jackfruit back to his apartment like it was a prized pig. For the next three hours, we disemboweled the beast and strewed its flesh about his kitchen and dining room.[2] We decided to use a container at a time, freezing the rest. For the next two months, that jackfruit was the star of a number of recipes and supplied countless dishes, so I am significantly less disgruntled over the initial price tag. Without further ado, here are some of the things we tried.

  • Pulled pork nachos. We sauteed the jackfruit until it could be pulled apart with forks, marinating it in barbecue sauce, layered it on top of chips, cheese, countless toppings and vegetables, then baked the entire thing and covered it with Trader Joe’s creamy jalapeno sauce. It was spectacular. Both of us agreed they were some of the best nachos we’d ever had.

  • Gyro bowls. We followed a recipe for gyro meat, substituting only the jackfruit, then layered it in a bowl with various veggies, vegan feta, hummus, and tzatziki. This again proved successful.

  • Jackfruit seed curry. Jackfruit seeds, when peeled and baked, have a nice, mellow flavor to them. I believe we used Savory Spin’s recipe for this one. The seeds absorbed the curry flavor and had a wonderful texture to them.

  • Pumpkin pie. This was Christian’s culinary genius at work. He decided to use the remaining jackfruit seeds as the crust for a vegan pumpkin pie. It was truly incredible. Instead of the extremely sweet, graham cracker taste, the seeds gave a crunchy, nutty texture that took the recipe to the next level.

  • Tuna salad. This was definitely one of my favorites. We made hot tuna melts, substituting jackfruit for tuna. It had all of the upsides of tuna without the ultra-fishy aftertaste. I’d call that a win in my book.

  • Teriyaki sushi bowls. Another super easy, delicious meal. We followed a recipe for teriyaki chicken and subbed jackfruit, then topped sushi rice with the teriyaki jackfruit mix, cucumbers, peppers, avocado, and finished with sesame seeds.

  • Mexican Pozole. The jackfruit tasted just like pork, and it was a perfect soup to kick off the cooler weather.

  • Crab cakes. Our final foray into cooking with jackfruit involved following a recipe for crab cakes and substituting jackfruit. These did not stick together quite as well as traditional crab cakes, but the flavor was excellent nonetheless.

Final thoughts: Even though the upfront costs of the initial price tag and disassembly time were rather high, I definitely think in the end we got our money and time’s worth out of it. Each of these recipes easily made ten servings, and the time and cost of buying different types of meats for each recipe would have been much higher. If you are looking to experiment, this might be something to consider.

---

kcg3ar@virginia.edu


[1] If left to my own devices, I will exclusively eat air-fried veggies, chips, guacamole, and hummus, Ben and Jerry’s non-dairy ice cream, Taco Bell, and oat milk lattes.

[2] Shoutout to Christian’s roommate, Zach Turk ’21, for being an exceptional sport during this charade.

Adam Silver for Coronavirus Task Force Chief


Sai Kulkarni ‘23
Staff Editor


In a year that began with the tragic loss of Kobe and Gianna Bryant, fans of every NBA franchise (except perhaps the Heat) can agree that it seems poetic that LeBron and Anthony Davis (AD) led the Lakers to clinch a championship, the seventeenth for the franchise. This season was mired with another tragedy, however, one we are all familiar with: the coronavirus. The season stopped abruptly and resumed months later with stringent precautions for the support staff, players, and management. They lived within a “bubble” in Disney World, Orlando. A place that I recommend everyone visit once the pandemic has passed, since your ticket fees pay into the state’s education fund. Have fun and do a public service on the side.


            Anyway, the real attraction, in my eyes, is how effective the league’s precautions turned out to be. Not a single player, coach, or staff member tested positive for COVID-19. With cases beginning to surge again in the Midwest and nationwide, it’s time to take a deep dive into the procedures Adam Silver and the NBA implemented to see if there are any lessons for someone[1] to learn in handling this pandemic. Let’s get the obvious out of the way: No state or local government can completely control its residents’ movements to the degree that the League did. But the League’s three most basic strategies are ones that scientists have recommended to us all. Wearing masks and social distancing were required of everyone. Anyone who left the bubble was told to quarantine for ten days.

Pictured: Adam Silver showed how the NBA could thrive and showcase its talent from a 'bubble' during COVID-19. Photo Courtesy of sporting news.com

Pictured: Adam Silver showed how the NBA could thrive and showcase its talent from a 'bubble' during COVID-19. Photo Courtesy of sporting news.com

            The League invested in proximity alarms that would alert their wearers when two people in the bubble got within six feet of one another. They added rings that tested for heart rate and temperature. Part of this was the huge financial investment the NBA could make, while the other was the NBA’s ability to exercise complete control over everyone in the bubble. Unlike other sports leagues like the MLB and the NFL, the NBA used their funds to invest in the safety and security of their players. What a unique idea: protecting the people an organization is responsible for!


            Now for the fanciest stuff: testing. I’m sorry, did I say fanciest? I meant bare minimum. The NBA invested in resources that let it test players and staff regularly. With periodic testing, they were able to ensure that their other, actually fancy, efforts worked. According to epidemiologists at Cornell, the aggressive testing strategy was part of the complete control that led to the efficacy of the program.[2] The general public doesn’t have access to a similar aggressive testing program. But with a large-scale government investment, especially at the federal level, this might be something we could implement. I wonder if there is someone I could direct these recommendations to?


            Of course, the NBA leadership did not directly create any of these plans by themselves. But they had the unique idea of listening to scientists to design a plan to protect their players. They went a step further than comparable sports leagues and considered the health and well-being of their staff. The staff members quarantined before the season began and were housed in the same bubble as players. The entire ecosystem was built on testing and contact tracing. Now, dear reader, you may be thinking to yourself that this seems like the ideal environment to do a scientific study on prevention and testing measures. Well, it seems that teams of researchers at Yale agree with you. The NBA provided an environment to try out a new test for COVID-19.


            These researchers tested out a new brand called SalivaDirect, which they found had 99.7 percent validity with minimal false positives. The two major benefits for the world are that these tests are easier to mass produce and less invasive than existing tests.[3] I still remember the pain of the nasal swab from the more invasive test and just the thought of an easier test soothes me. The bubble provided the ideal environment for this kind of scientific study, with more study results on the way. The lessons we gained from the simple existence of the NBA bubble will likely have positive externalities we have yet to foresee.


            This brings me to my main point and the title of this article. Adam Silver is no scientist. He is no politician. This entire experiment was built by the efforts of ordinary staff members and a team of researchers, epidemiologists, and healthcare workers. I am guessing that Mr. Silver had nothing to do with the plan other than to see what was proposed, look at the financials, and greenlight the idea. But I think that is exactly the kind of leadership we need in this pandemic. Someone who is willing to make large scale investments knowing that the returns in the economy will be worth it. Someone who can listen to scientists and simply go out there and sell the idea to the public and to the people he is responsible for. Thus, I nominate Adam Silver to sit there, listen, and greenlight the ideas of the actual scientists on the coronavirus task force.

---

omk6cg@virginia.edu


[1] I’m looking at you, Mike Pence.

[2] Baggaley, K., “The NBA bubble was a one-of-a-kind COVID-19 success story,” Popular Science (2020).https://www.popsci.com/story/health/nba-coronavirus-bubble-success-science/

[3] Ogbunu, C., “How the NBA conquered COVID-19" (2020) https://theundefeated.com/features/how-the-nba-conquered-covid-19/

Hear Ye, Hear Ye, Drama in the CourtZoom


Anna Bninski ‘23
Staff Editor

In unprecedented times, with 1Ls entering law school in a uniquely weird way, extracurriculars have completely changed. Y’all get the picture. In today’s funky, pandemic context, the Mock Trial E-Board went above and beyond to put together a tournament that would give 1Ls a chance to do a very typical law school thing in very untypical circumstances. Over Zoom, of course, with a batch of video-conferencing procedural specifications. Here is one bewildered 1L’s tale.


I had tried out for Mock Trial with a blithe spirit on a sunny day back in September. I knew that I didn’t know anything about how to do mock trial, but, at that point, I didn’t really have a sense of how much I’d need to learn. I can confidently say that I have yet to learn at least 93 percent of it. 


That’s through no fault of my team (woohoo Team 3!) or of our JAG attorney coaches, who kindly took the time to look over our materials and walk us through lots of etiquette and objections in preparation for the Solicitor General Toby J. Heytens Trial Advocacy Tournament, October 15-17. Over the past couple weeks my teammates and I chewed over the fact pattern, worked on both sides of the case, tried to remember 50,000 things about hearsay, and spent a lot of time questioning each other on Zoom and leaning into recalcitrant witness personas. (Frankly, it absorbed a lot more time than I expected, even though our captain JP Baratta ’23, the only one of us who’d ever done mock trial before, shouldered more than his share.)


I was blessed with the opportunity to play the case’s defendant (a very large, very obviously unsavory man) in the first round, and brought all the excessive enthusiasm of a former theater kid.  (“I appreciate that,” our judge, Maj. Todd Chard, US Army, told me at the end of my mid-cross-examination rant about being unable to remember the specifics of grand jury testimony because I was a person, not a robot. “But do answer the questions.”)


My heroic teammates managed to convince our lone jury member to find me innocent on all counts.


“Doesn’t that mean you win?” my boyfriend texted me. I explained that we were, in fact, narrowly defeated through a tie-breaker and would not be moving on to the semi-finals.


“I don’t understand how this works at all,” he replied, and later elaborated, “That seemed incredibly stressful and I would never want to do it. But you definitely should do it again.”


He was correct, not sadistic. Since I was a witness for the defense in that first round, I didn’t advocate at all. Advancing meant swapping sides and swapping roles. I’d hate to throw in the towel before trying out both roles.  But when folks (my roommates) asked me if I was disappointed at losing the chance to deliver what reliable sources (me) described as a “bomb” closing argument for the prosecution, I had to reply honestly: not really.


Because even just working with my teammates and our coaches, I’d had an opportunity to learn some basics about approaching a case, structuring examinations, and that there are another fifty zillion things still to learn about hearsay. Plus, getting to collaborate with classmates was a serious bonus, especially during this semester where getting to know people is hard and weird.


I can only speculate about what it’s like to do mock trial during a normal semester. My guess: It’s hard and stressful and educational, just like it was this time around—but a serious amount of fun, too.


Also: major congratulations to the tournament winners, Zoe Li, Natalia Heguaburo, Grace Platt, Riley Segars (all '23)!

 

Results:

Individual Awards:

BEST WITNESS: Grace Platt '23

BEST ADVOCATES: Elizabeth Lapp '21, Natalia Heguaburo '23

 

Team Awards:

SECOND PLACE: Elizabeth Lapp '21, Autumn Adams-Jack '22, Jennifer Craddick '23, John Lawrence '23

FIRST PLACE: Zoe Li, Natalia Heguaburo, Grace Platt, Riley Segars (All '23).

 

The UVA Law Mock Trial Program expresses thanks and appreciation for the judges of the Sixteenth Circuit, White and Case, The Judge Advocate General's Legal Center and School, and all participating practicing attorneys for their support of the program. Special thanks to Solicitor General Toby J. Heytens ’00 for judging the final round and for being a true friend to the UVA community.

Pictured: Grace Platt, Zoe Li, Natalia Heguaburo, and Riley Segars, all '23, crushed the competiton and won the first Zoom Mock Trial event at UVA!. Photo Courtesy of Alex Law '21.

Pictured: Grace Platt, Zoe Li, Natalia Heguaburo, and Riley Segars, all '23, crushed the competiton and won the first Zoom Mock Trial event at UVA!. Photo Courtesy of Alex Law '21.

President of UVA Law Mock Trial, Alex Law ’21, added: “[T]his tournament would not have happened without tireless work from the rest of the executive board. Thank you to Matthew Cooper '21, Amanda Rutherford '22, and Joshua Hassell '22. It was important to all of us that we create an event so students could still have a classic law school experience this fall and this tournament achieved that goal.”

 ---

amb6ag@virginia.edu

From Farm to Table—A Food Adventure in Charlottesville


Grace Tang ‘21
Foreign Correspondent

My first farm to table experience was at a restaurant called Borealis in Kitchener, Ontario. The restaurant prided itself on being “Obsessively Local,” sourcing its ingredients from local farms and producers in the area. I was skeptical about the quality of the food at first. Wouldn’t the restaurant’s ingredients be limited? The restaurant couldn’t serve exotic ingredients, and sourcing from local farms must take more effort . . . I didn’t have high hopes. However, after my first bite of their twenty-eight-day-aged steak paired with delicious local vegetables, I was a believer. I loved how the restaurant changed its menu to adapt to the seasons and highlighted ingredients that were in season. During the fall, the menu featured squash, pumpkin, and root vegetables. In the spring, there was fresh fish, rhubarb, and asparagus. Going for a meal at Borealis was always a treat. Sourcing ingredients locally wasn’t a handicap for the restaurant; in fact, it made the food that much fresher and more delicious.

            Despite supporting Borealis and the restaurant’s values of sustainability, I never imagined that I could do the same thing at home. I always imagined farm to table cooking to be exorbitantly expensive and difficult. In my mind, I pictured $10 per bunch spinach and $50/oz steak. I assumed that only the ultra-wealthy and privileged could enjoy farm to table cooking.

            Things all started to change this summer. Through a series of interesting events, I began looking into shopping for meat in local farms. It turns out that a litigation partner at my law firm this past summer owns Broad Arrow, a farm market and butcher in Maine with her husband. They supply high quality, pasture-raised meat to all of the nice restaurants in the area. I looked into their website and was surprised to see how affordable their products were.

            This fall, after the school announced the Farm Share program, I started thinking about buying and cooking locally again. When I lived in San Francisco last summer, I loved going to the farmer’s market at the Civic Center every week. Local farmers would sell fresh produce at excellent prices. I started looking into similar options in Charlottesville and found a treasure trove of local options.

            This week, I managed to snatch a last-minute Farm Share slot. The Farm Shares are from Bellair Farms, located only fifteen miles from the Law School. To celebrate the amazing victory and free food, I devised a local food challenge for myself. I would have to create a full meal made from 100 percent locally sourced ingredients from around the Charlottesville area.

            Remembering Broad Arrow, I decided to look around the Charlottesville area for a local butcher and found Free Union Grass Farm. The farm is so named because grass is the only thing that the animals eat on the property. Free Union Grass is only a twenty-minute drive from the Law School and offers a variety of meats, including grass-fed beef, forest-fed pork, pasteurized chicken and duck, and even goose on special occasions.

            The drive up to the farm was absolutely lovely; blue skies and green hills flashed by with glimpses of golden trees and black fences. When we arrived at Free Union Grass Farm, a curious Australian Shepherd bounded up to us, wagging his tail. After purchasing a mountain of ingredients, including the very last pack of beef short ribs, we learned that the good boy’s name is Gus, short for Gustavo.

            Finally came the preparation of my locally sourced meal. The Farm Share I picked up from the Law School came with a variety of sweet peppers, salad greens, radishes, and carrots. For the farm to table meal, I decided to use some of the heritage pork chops and pair it with the fresh vegetables from Bellair Farms. I prepared the pork chops simply—salt, pepper, and then seared in a hot cast iron pan until cooked. The pork chops were about an inch thick, and I seared them for just over a minute on both sides. For the salad, I shaved slices of radish, carrots, and peppers on top of a bed of salad greens and topped off with some extra virgin olive oil, black sesame seeds, and balsamic vinegar. Et voila! Dinner was served.

Pictured: Yes, your mouth is now watering. Shop local and make wonderful meals like this! Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21.

Pictured: Yes, your mouth is now watering. Shop local and make wonderful meals like this! Photo Courtesy of Grace Tang '21.

            The meal was super delicious and fresh. The vegetables were newly in season, and the pork chops were tender and juicy. What’s more, I felt a great sense of satisfaction when enjoying the meal, knowing that each bite was grown and raised within thirty minutes of where I lived by car. Plates were cleared in no time.

            Overall, I was thrilled by my success in creating a farm to table meal consisting of only local main ingredients. Of course, some of the condiments like salt, pepper, balsamic vinegar, and sesame seeds were not sourced locally, but the key ingredients were all from the Charlottesville area. The quest for a local meal really changed my perception of farm to table food and eating locally. It made me realize that purchasing ingredients from local farms is much easier and cheaper than I previously imagined. The whole experience was fun and rewarding. I challenge fellow law students to create their own farm to table meals!

---

gt5ay@virginia.edu

Taste This: On Old Friends and New Ramen


Michael Berdan ‘22
Opinions Editor

In early elementary school, my friend Kevin was a character. I remember his frumpy bowl cut (it was the mid-90’s, not that my own kids don’t rock the bowl in 2020); I remember him saying a bad word to the teacher on at least one occasion; and I remember him taking his shirt off in line and getting scolded for it. I remember very little bold misbehavior of this kind at my idyllic suburban elementary school in Washington State, so Kevin’s antics stand out like paint splatter all through my early childhood. 


            Kevin disappeared for several years, though, before resurfacing in high school, returning from the Christian school where he’d been transferred. He rode my bus, since he lived in the nicer subdevelopment that exited onto my street. We became friends, as was easy to do back then. Videogames, girls, books, and food: four bridges between us that we crisscrossed in conversation every morning at the bus stop, on the bus, and after school. At least once a week, Kevin would come to the bus stop clutching a thermos, or a packet of foil, either one containing some delight concocted in the twilight hours—Kevin kept an irregular schedule. “Holy shit, Mike B. Just, taste this,” he’d almost shout as he approached, “You’re gonna fucking die.” I’d step back, wondering what it was he was going to present to me. More often than not, he didn’t give me an option. “No, dude, trust me. Open your boca.” He would often insist on pouring the homemade saffron-chai tea or habanero-Baileys hot chocolate into my mouth himself. Or on dropping a bite of bananas foster, swimming in rum, onto my tongue. Or he would crack the crust on one of three variations of crème brûlée, and spoon it into my mouth with a flourish. “Taste. That. Shit. Are you a little turned on right now? I am. God, Mike B, you’re looking sexy with that crème brûlée. Feel the cream on your lips? So good. Ugh. Right?!” Then he’d launch into a minutely detailed explanation of his process. “So. I chilled the eggs overnight. I used a candy thermometer to try adding the eggs to the milk at three different temperatures…”


            Food is like this. It’s the perfect meeting point between human basic need, sensual satisfaction, intellectual exploration, and interpersonal connection—food is intimate. That’s why restaurant ventures will always have a special intimacy to them. Every time I notice that a mom-and-pop restaurant has closed, I imagine conversations the proprietors must have had about dollars and cents, stamping out the creativity and generosity of spirit that drove them to open their doors, until there was no way forward.


            COVID-19 has been uniquely cruel on this front, particularly crushing restaurants that rely on in-person diners. It struck in this way against a unique restaurant in our city’s culinary tapestry: Druknya House, the only Tibetan restaurant in the area, which closed and vacated recently. I cannot speak to what it means for one’s cultural cuisine to lose its single foothold in the region, but I will say that we should be intentional about supporting unique cuisine in Charlottesville. In the place of Druknya House rose Mashumen, a new midscale ramen spot, and, in a twisted form of penance for not having saved Druknya House, my wife and I went to the soft opening on Saturday night.


            Mashumen has a fairly extensive menu, though the owner says it will expand further after the soft opening period. It includes several kinds of ramen: clear tonkatsu broth, creamy broth, miso broth, and all the variety of toppings you’d expect, over either straight or wavy noodles. There are also a variety of appetizers, vegetarian options, soupless noodles, rice bowls, and even handmade pastries for dessert. My wife and I had the Spicy Miso and the Mayu (creamy) ramen. Both were excellent.

Pictured: This isn't your $.25 ramen. Mashumen knows what they're doing. Photo Courtesy of Michael Berdan '22.

Pictured: This isn't your $.25 ramen. Mashumen knows what they're doing. Photo Courtesy of Michael Berdan '22.

            The owner came out to our table, greeted us, and asked us for feedback. “How was the soup? Was it too salty? Too spicy? Were the toppings all good?” I’m both the right and wrong person to ask, as I’m obnoxiously opinionated even when not invited to share, but I’m not a ramen connoisseur. I can wax Proustian about burgers, tacos, or pie, but ramen isn’t my niche.

            Talking to her reminded me of Kevin. She wanted me to like what she made. She wanted the next person to like it. She was willing to be vulnerable to see that happen. Kevin’s vulnerability often came masquerading as arrogance, and it got him into trouble. One day, in junior year, he stopped showing up to the bus stop. He wasn’t at school, and didn’t return my calls.  No one knew where he was. Weeks later, I ran into his mother at the store where I worked, and she told me they had shipped him off to a boot camp program in Utah. Kevin had been drinking heavily, sneaking out, stealing things, being aggressive with his parents, and despite his brilliance, failing school. When we connected on Facebook several years later, I found out he’d gone to a wilderness program, then an elite boarding school for academically gifted youth with behavioral problems. I haven’t seen him since he disappeared, though I hope to. I want to cook something for him.

Mashumen: 2208 Fontaine Ave, Ramen Bowls $12 - $20.

---

mwb4pk@virginia.edu