Hot Bench: Katarzyna Goebel '21

Virginia Law Weekly March 4, 2020

Where are you from?

Pittsburgh, PA (Go Steelers!).

What are you looking forward to the most about being a Head PA next year?

Becoming a Peer Advisor has been the most rewarding experience that I’ve had in Law School. I can’t wait to help shape the PA Program and develop relationships with incoming 1Ls and future PAs.

What’s something you now know that you would tell yourself before coming into Law School?

I would tell myself that I deserve to be here. I suffered from imposter syndrome, big time! I would also tell myself that there is no “right” way to be a law student and get through law school. Everyone learns, studies, and strategizes differently.

Let’s do a lightning round!

Favorite food?

Sour cream. No joke, I will put it on anything.

Favorite place in Charlottesville?

Carter Mountain Orchard, especially during the Sunset Series!

Anti-Stress Hobby?

Grocery shopping—nothing more relaxing than browsing the pasta section. I also love to read! I always return to Harry Potter and anything by Jane Austen.

Favorite word?

Coffee.

What’s one movie that left an impression on you?

Spirited Away. I know it’s technically a children’s movie. But trust me, it’s incredible.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?

This is a bit of a cliché, but I’m one of five kids and my parents sacrificed a lot throughout their lives for our sake. I’d probably buy my parents their dream home, then use the rest of the money to finance my coffee addiction—I’d never feel guilty about buying an overpriced latte from Starbucks again.

If you could pick one song to play in the background of your life, what would it be?

“Let it Happen” by Tame Impala.

What is your least favorite sound?

The sound of a single piece of cardboard ripping in half or the sound paper makes when you try and remove a label from something and it rips in half, creating that weird middle fuzzy paper layer. Cringe-fest.

If you could be in the Olympics, which sport would you compete in?

I would compete in softball since I’ve played on softball teams my entire life, but my barely 5’1” stature would probably put me at a pretty significant disadvantage.

Where’s a place you’ve never been, but would like to go?

Copenhagen, Denmark.

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kmg8nk@virginia.edu

Tweedledee and Tweedledum: Game Night Featuring Funemployment

Virginia Law Weekly February 26, 2020

Taylor Elicegui ‘20
Ex-Features Editor

Funemployment is worth playing.

On Friday, being the lame, over-going-out 3Ls that we are, I convinced Eleanor and a lucky group of sectionmates to join me for a game night (seriously underrated activity). After mulling over what games to play and starting off with Jackbox’s Trivia Murder Party, we settled on my newest game: Funemployment.

I thought Funemployment was like Cards Against Humanity, but with jobs and job skills. I was a little off; it’s more complicated than that, which makes it more fun. First, everyone gets four job skill cards and the “employer” gets one card per every other player (so, if there are five other players, the employer gets five cards). The employer lays all of their cards down, face up, and then flips over a job card. The players get a few résumé to go crazy and switch out their cards as they want, trying to create the perfect “resume” to apply for the job with four cards in their hand. Some examples of jobs to apply for include private detective, professional thief, and professional cuddler. Some skills that are available to use to build your résumé (aka on the résumé cards) are “literally the worst,” “three-piece suit,” and “handy.” Once you have a résumé of four cards, each player goes around and gets to tell a story using their “résumé” of cards they acquired, to convince the employer why they are the best person for the job. The employer uses the leftover skills not picked up during the mad dash to ask each candidate a question at the end of their pitch.

I was pleasantly surprised by the game once we got started. I thought it would be too confusing, but the group got the hang of it quickly and had a good time putting their persuasion skills to work to prove why they were truly the best candidate for the job. It got even more entertaining with the arrival of Lena Welch ’20, a master sh*t-talker who managed to roast everyone else’s pitches while also not totally crushing her own. All in all, I would definitely recommend Funemployment.

If you’re looking for some other game night recommendations, check out:

Pandemic
Codenames
Wits and Wagers
Ticket to Ride
Seven Wonders
Telestrations
Loaded Questions
Coup
Unstable Unicorns
Sequence

I can’t personally vouch for all of these, but I compiled the list from my personal favorites and The Strategist’s 2020 recommendations, and The Strategist has never steered me wrong. The Best Adult Board Games on Amazon, According to Hyperenthusiastic Reviewers, The Strategist (Aug. 23, 2019).

M. Eleanor Schmalzl ‘20
Deposed Editor-In-Chief

Funemployment is literally the worst game invented, ever.

If anyone knows me, they know I love a good game night. However, with that comes the reality that I am competitive. In fact, my family’s game night motto is, “If you aren’t willing to lose all your friends and family in order to win a board game, you aren’t playing hard enough.” You think I’m joking. Think again.

This past Friday, I visited Taylor Elicegui’s luxurious apartment at The Pavilion on North Grounds with every intention of having a good time. As Taylor mentioned, we settled on the game “Funemployment,” so I thought my goal of having fun was easily in reach. However, I soon found that the game, while “fun” in the traditional sense, was not for hardcore gamers.

First of all, it has the same problem that games similar to it (like Apples to Apples or Cards Against Humanity) have—the “employer,” just like the dealer in these other games, has full discretion to decide who wins and loses based on whatever arbitrary factors they deem relevant. This allows for rampant favoritism toward whatever party the dealer decides is “the winner” and leaves the losers feeling unsatisfied despite their (aka my) objectively more compelling and better-presented résumés.

Second, the game allows other players to comment on a person’s resume story while that player is giving the story. And while I respect any attempts to win at all costs, Lena Welch ’20 came in hot when she arrived at the end of the night; she had no ultimate goal of winning and just wanted to chirp and cause problems for those with the prize in mind. So, I guess this is less a criticism about the game and more a warning: Do not invite Lena Welch to game night.

For all you lighthearted folks who just want to laugh and have a good, noncompetitive time, this game would be great for you. I even laughed a time or two at some of the stories people built with their résumé cards, despite my goal of making everyone else’s stories sound inferior to mine. But, if you take games quote “too seriously,” as I may or may not be accused of every time I play board games, stick to the games of skill that give you the ability to win without the arbitrary approval of your peers.

___

ke3ge@virginia.edu
mes5hf@virginia.edu

Court of Petty Appeals: Extroverts v. Introverts

Virginia Law Weekly February 26, 2020

Extroverts v. Introverts
72 U. Va. 224 (2020)

PICKETT, J. delivered the opinion of the Court, in which GLADDEN, DESKINS, TANG, SCHMID, and LUEVANO, JJ. join.

Despite UVA Law’s reputation for collegiality, the recent surge in Bluetooth head gear has left various students stunned and embarrassed as they attempt to greet their friends and are shut down by silence and a glazed look of distraction. In this opinion, the Court will establish the substantive due right to bother people you know at the Law School by issuing an injunction against in-ear Bluetooth headphones in the hallway.

I would like to introduce this opinion by stating that I know this is a hot take. I know that many individuals hate talking to people and seek solace from the miseries of law school in their music/podcasts. In fact, I wanted to name the opinion “Extroverts v. Introverts” but I liked this title much better given that it sounds like the show about the OJ Simpson trial. I’m not even sure if the opinion I am writing right now is a majority, plurality, or dissent. But, given that I volunteered to write the COPA at this week’s Law Weekly meeting, I am claiming to be in the majority and taking my word to be the mandate of the Court.

I have also taken the extraordinary step of acting as the plaintiff, plaintiff’s counsel, and the judge in this matter, but heavily refute any claims of inappropriate bias. Sometimes you can find no one to sympathize with your complaints quite like yourself. And it just so happens that I am a member of the Law Weekly staff.

It is worth recognizing, however, what this case does NOT cover. The injunction does not extend to (1) talking on the phone into wireless headphones; (2) listening to music as you enter the law school, having just arrived and not yet settled into the rhythms of the law school; (3) big Bluetooth headphones or wired headphones that are present for all to see; or (4) using Bluetooth headphones at any other time, including on walks to and from school.

II.

On February 10, 2020, plaintiff Sam Pickett was walking down the hallways of the law school when he made eye contact with his good friend, Rue D. Boi. Pickett looked forward to saying hi to his friend and maybe even offering him a customary fist bump. Rue D. Boi didn’t particularly care to talk to people, but Pickett wanted to bother him anyway. Why did Pickett do this? Deep-seated psychological issues? A constant desire to reenact scenes of memorable friendship like those in romantic comedies? Watching too many cringey shows about high school? Watching too much High School Musical? Who knows, but he looked forward to saying hi to Rue D. Boi regardless.

But, as Pickett approached Boi and called out his name, stretching out his fist, his greeting was returned by an empty gaze. They passed each other, leaving Pickett heartbroken and embarrassed. He looked back at Boi with the kind of sadness contestants on The Bachelor look back at Peter as they realize he is messing up every decision he possibly could on that show. But at the last second, he saw in Boi’s ear a little black circle; Boi had been wearing headphones that were imperceptible without careful examination of his ears.

Pickett had had enough. It had happened too many times with too many different kinds of wireless headphones. AirPods, Android knock-offs, Covington AirPod knock-offs—he had seen them all and been burned too many times. He sued to enforce his substantive due right to bother people he knew.

III.

The right to bother people you know provides that students shall be permitted to be bothered when they are in open fields. The right strictly forbids students from completely isolating themselves from the world unless they retreat to a restricted space, such as their locker, the library, or their own homes. This includes, more specifically, a ban on isolating oneself in the world of good music or good podcasts; the right rather encourages people to delve into the world of good vibes.

The right to bother people you know is as old as time itself. It began with the cave people, who would bother each other by boring their friends with extraordinarily long stories, often involving the drawing of stick figures on the wall, about a hunt that actually hadn’t even been that eventful.[1] As society developed, so did the methods of harassment. Attila the Hun rampaged across much of Asia with his nomadic forces. Marcus Junius Brutus and the senators of Rome stabbed Julius Caesar twenty-three times with daggers. The French Revolution decapitated Marie Antoinette with a guillotine.

The right was first articulated, however, in the case of Professors v. Students Who Want to High Five Them in the Hallway, 268 U.VA. 13, 89 (1990), in which the Court held that “Professors have it pretty good here, the least they can do is give the overeager gunner the occasional high five.” More specifically, the Court ruled that the right to bother people you knew was a property right, claiming that “friendship brings with it the obligation to be bothered, and if you are willing to accept the positive of friendship, you must be willing to endure the bothering as well.” The right has been affirmed several times, with each new development of technology. There is the right to be sent unsolicited faxes with weird jokes in them. There is the right to send those weird chain emails that claim you will be cursed if you don’t forward them on. There is the right to send those strange texts with all those emojis and sexual innuendos to your friends on national holidays. And now, there is the right to just say a good old-fashioned hello, even in the face of rapidly advancing headphone technology.

This is not meant to take aim at headphones with wires, or people who listen to music with the huge headphones. Those people have sent a clear message that they will not be bothered—they have a reasonable expectation of privacy even in an open field. Does this opinion seem contradictory? I don’t care, because it is really a very narrowly tailored opinion—it applies whenever I, the plaintiff and judge, choose.

IV.

We hold in favor of the plaintiff and order an injunction against all of those weird in-ear wireless headphones in the hallways at school, unless excepted in this opinion or by Pickett personally. In addition, we hold that everyone must buy Pickett a drink at the next bar review.

CALAMARO, J., Dissenting:

This question of “the right to bother” is about entitlement. This issue of wearing earbuds in the hallway is about personal freedom. Personally, I choose to wear earbuds, not because I enjoy the songs I listen to far too many times, but because I enjoy walking around the law school, immune to engaging in niceties with those who I deem unworthy of them. Who among us hasn’t been saved by their earbuds in Withers Brown after making unwanted eye contact with someone whose name you refuse to say because it might be wrong? Who hasn’t wanted to have earbuds when walking by a talkative person, and all you want to do is get home and die on your couch, but instead you have to talk about the direction of the wind? There is solid utility for earbuds, and I will not give up my right to this utility for any reason.

Furthermore, if the majority chooses to invoke ancient Rome, I shall invoke ancient Greece, where Socrates, the man who damned us to answering inane questions asked by professors on auto-pilot, was so annoying in Athens because he would accost the rich and poor alike that they made him kill himself. This type of punishment is not preferred in this day and age,[2] but perhaps bringing the town stocks back for those who accost earbud wearers is an appropriate measure. I am open to suggestions, but ultimately, one is no more entitled to accost people in the hallways than Socrates himself was in the streets of Athens. I strongly stand against banning earbuds, and this court finds itself in grave error as a result of this ruling.

[1] See Neander T. Hall, The Cave People Actually Hated Those Drawings on the Wall and Wish You Would Stop Talking About Them, Va. L. Rev. 13, 29 (0009).

[2] An unfortunate consequence of some misguided thinking on proportionality of punishment.

___

shp8dz@virginia.edu

dac6jk@virginia.edu

Hot Bench: M. Eleanor Schmalzl '20

Virginia Law Weekly February 26, 2020

M. Eleanor Schmalzl ‘20

Hot Bench with Eleanor Schmalzl ’20

Deposed EIC of Law Weekly and Softball Nerd

Hi Eleanor, after three years of working on Law Weekly, you are finally eligible to be Hot Benched. I hope you’re pumped! Now, please tell our readers how you like your pizza.

Extra cheese, extra pickle, cheesy crust. And if anyone thinks that’s weird, they can come to Law Weekly, SL 279 on Mondays at 5:30 p.m. to try it for themselves.

Okay, but seriously, where did the pickle thing come from?

Thinking back, it came from my mom. She's from a small town called Maysville, Kentucky, and there’s a pizza place there owned by my cousin’s dad (like I said, small town) and one of their specialties is pizza with pickles. My mom gave us pickles with pizza as kids and my siblings and I all love it.

I see! And did you grow up in Kentucky?

I’m from Walton, Kentucky, a growing city about thirty minutes south of Cincinnati, Ohio.

That’s fascinating, so what’s great about Walton?

It’s a pretty nice area with a really good school system and good homes, but it also has that Kentucky flavor of being Southern. We had a “ride your tractor to school” day in high school, horse and cow fields that sit next to the country roads, and prominent Southern accents.

Tell us more about that good ol’ Kentucky southernness.

Wish I could debunk the rumors, but I do know someone who has married and had a love child with his cousin... But all the stuff about Kentucky bourbon and horse racing is true, too. People are obsessed. Those are the good things that I like to focus on.

When did you start thinking about law school?

Middle school/early high school. I knew I wanted to come to UVA Law––it was the only school I applied to and, despite that arguably foolish decision, it worked out. My parents both came to the Law School and met on Copeley Field, so I grew up hearing stories about UVA Law (but really, about UVA Law softball. They didn’t mention the fact that law school here is actually challenging).

So I take it you were rearing to jump into 1L softball?

Oh yeah, you can ask anyone in my section. I was the softball gunner, as ridiculous as that sounds. We still have a section team, currently named The Apples (don’t get me started on the name), and it’s been one of my favorite things at the Law School.

Speaking of favorite things at the law school, let’s bust out an old favorite! What are the 7 wonders of the law school?

The snakes that live under the WB floorboards

The UVA Law art collection

Lisa Napier’s sunshine of a personality

The third floor of Slaughter, and all the hidden Slaughter Hall staircases generally

The theft of the RFK bust

The temperature of the WB classrooms

The swimming pool on the roof

What’s something that would surprise our readers about you?

I’m afraid of railroad tracks. The first time I ever heard about railroad tracks, it was in a story my mom told me about how her horses got hit on railroad tracks. Torts didn’t help much with alleviating this fear. I cross them only when necessary.

What’s something you know now that you would tell yourself coming into Law School?

That it goes really fast. You should only commit to stuff you really care about, because people are always happy to add to your plate if you’ll let them. You have to have your priorities straight, whether that’s student organizations, school, going to wineries with friends, or getting to live up to the 3L stereotype of doing nothing at all.

What have been your core priorities at the Law School?

The Law Weekly, NGSL, and probably my section and my relationships with people here––I try to prioritize time for fun, and school...kind of, when there’s time for it.

What does NGSL do?

So, contrary to popular belief, we do great things. As a 501(c)(3) charitable organization, we donate $20,000 a year to ReadyKids, an organization that helps youths deal with trauma and creates better opportunities for them to beat the odds and find the best life that they can. We’ve donated a quarter million to ReadyKids thanks to NGSL’s annual softball invitational (April 3-5 this year) and everyone should come out!

Let’s do a lightning round!

Favorite food?

Spaghetti. I eat it the night before every exam.

Anti-Stress Hobby?

Sleeping, sometimes working out, and eating too many snacks (if you believe in such a thing).

Favorite word?

Malapropism. I very often use the wrong word in common sayings or phrases (fun fact: you “home in” on something, not “hone in”), which is what malapropism refers to (mistakenly using a wrong word that sounds similar to the word you meant). When I use the wrong word and sound silly in the process, I bust this word out to try and cover up my poor vocabulary.

What’s one movie that left an impression on you?

A Knight’s Tale.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?

Pay half of it to taxes––honestly, that’s the reality––and spend the other half finding ways to complain about it.

If you could pick one song to play in the background of your life, what would it be?

“Party in the USA,” Miley Cyrus.

Is cereal soup? Why or why not?

What? No, it’s not soup. I’m a soup expert (you can ask my roommates, I eat soup four times a week). And soup is, by my expert definition, served hot. Cereal objectively does not qualify.

What inanimate object do you wish you could eliminate from existence?

Onions. They’re gross. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ordered something off a menu that doesn’t list onions in the ingredients and then, surprise, there are onions. The worst.

If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

This might sound harsh, but I’m a big believer that the only person who can ask hypotheticals in class is the one writing and grading our exams. Student hypos never end well.

___

mes5hf@virginia.edu

Court of Petty Appeals: Honor Code Committee v. Fried Chicken Thieves

Virginia Law Weekly February 19, 2020

Honor Code Committee v. Fried Chicken Thieves
72 U.Va. 655 (2020)

Wunderli, J., delivered the opinion of the court, in which -insert names here- join.

Did the two students who stole an entire tray of Michie Tavern fried chicken from the free food table violate UVA Law’s esteemed Honor Code? Or is this just good ol’ fashioned free food table shenanigans?

The Honor Code is one of the most highly touted virtues of UVA. Never mind the foreboding warning about thieves and hiding your belongings displayed so prominently upon entering the library. This is a school where people are expected to be honest, and people frequently post on GroupMe about finding a lost textbook or cash on Grounds, which is often followed by a smattering of likes and praise. While we lambast other T14 schools for excessive gunnery and their getting-ahead-at-all-costs mentality, here at UVA Law we are different. We help each other, look out for each other, and wish success upon our peers. There is one arena, however, in which a certain amount of gamesmanship has been allowed to go on mostly unopposed: The Law School free food table. Much as in baseball, where a certain amount of sign-stealing and tomfoolery can be shrugged aside and even laughed at, there comes a point when, like the Houston Astros, one can take things a little too far.

On the night of February 4, two students (names are withheld out of concern for their safety) walked away with an entire tray of Michie Tavern fried chicken at approximately 6:15 p.m. from the free food table. The tray was full, with some estimates from eyewitnesses putting the total amount in controversy between five and ten pounds. The students walked away triumphant and laughing, like two kids who knew they took a little too much Halloween candy from the blind old lady across the street. Trying to avoid excessive onlookers, the giddy law students snuck out the back doors by Caplin Auditorium. Ari Anderson ’21 tried briefly to pursue them, but it was in vain, and the chicken was never seen again.

The rules surrounding the free food table have been briefly touched on by this Court,[1] although a firm line has yet to be drawn both out of respect for the common sense of UVA Law students and deference to the legislature. In Hungry 1L v. Hungry 3L, 68 U.Va. 220 (2013), this Court decided in favor of the 3L who took the last three pieces of Mellow Mushroom pizza, holding that (1) it is better that one student be filled than two students be only partially full, and (2) because free food is regulated mainly by luck and happenstance, a 3L has no duty to preserve food for anyone else after him as long as it is possessed and consumed in good faith. Later, in a split opinion in Honor Code Committee v Opportunistic 1L, 70 U.Va. 124 (2017), this Court upheld the right of a student to take home a gallon jug of milk and half a box of cookies at 9:45 p.m. that had been sitting there for over an hour, holding that the student, having seen the cookies and milk and knowing how long it was sitting there, gained a rightful claim to the items through adverse possession. Free food is aplenty at the Law School for those who seek it, and previous decisions have reflected the notion that an individual, by his own industry, has a protected right to obtain as much or as little as he sees fit without the interference of onerous restrictions. (See, e.g. Diversity Organizations v. That White Guy, 64 U.Va. 404 (2016), holding that one can obtain free food at any public event as long as she stays for the majority of the meeting, regardless of whether her sole intention is to eat a free lunch, or whether she is a member of the club or organization).

These facts before us, however, have taken basic free food principles and turned them into something monstrous, and it is for this reason the Court of Petty Appeals granted certiorari and this case is before us today. The prosecution argues that the two students who hijacked the Michie Tavern chicken and took it home, thereby depriving other law students of the enjoyment and benefits of the free food table, blatantly disregarded the third of the Honor Code’s three basic tenets: Do not steal. We agree. Although there is no limit imposed by this Court on how much one can consume from the free food table in the moment, there are certain undeniable restraints on what one can and cannot do with free food on the free food table. And while there are certain limited circumstances in which taking items not intended for immediate consumption is permissible, given that the act in question took place at peak dinner hours, and Michie Tavern fried chicken is a highly sought-after commodity, these two students must be held accountable for their grievous act. If acts like this continue to go unpunished, the whole institution of the free food table will be obliterated, and various clubs and groups will feel inclined to take the extra food home themselves, rather than leave it out for the voracious vultures of hungry law students who throng the free food table at the first sight, smell, or sound of sustenance. The free food table must live on, and the basic rights of access to the free food table must be protected.

The defense, citing Eight Cartons, argues that once the free food has been left on the table, it is abandoned property and anyone who wants to can lay claim to all or part of what remains based on her own volition and moral conscience. The defense argues that previous cases pertaining to the free food table provide a precedent for this, and although taking the fried chicken may not be morally sound or the right thing to do, it is well within the bounds set by this Court and the basic assumptions of free food.

We, however, draw a firm distinction between abandoned property and property intended for the use of the public as a whole, as is the case here. Although one can enter Costco and try as many different samples as she desires without the slightest intention to purchase the food items, it is a different matter entirely to take the entire sample tray and leave the store. And while one can enter Dean Davies’s snack room frequently to satisfy one’s candy and Goldfish cravings, one cannot take the entire bowl of Goldfish or candy and bring it to wherever one pleases. There are lines to be drawn, and depriving other law students of an entire tray of Michie Tavern fried chicken goes beyond self-serving gamesmanship of the free food table and into the territory of a high crime and Honor Code infraction. While this Court does not have the power or enforcement mechanisms to bestow Honor Code violations upon constituents of the Law School, this Court would like nothing more than to see these two students tried in front of a jury composed of mostly undergrads frat bros, as they debate whether this offense constitutes an Honor Code violation warranting dismissal from the school.

In conclusion, although this Court in the past has followed a general rule upholding the rights of students to game the Law School’s free food according to their will and pleasure, the facts of this case compel us to rule the two Michie Tavern fried chicken thieves guilty of first-degree free food table pilfery, as well as a potential Honor Code infraction to be decided in front of a tribunal of hungover undergrads. The rights of the many will not be infringed upon by the unrestrained impulses of the few.

VANDERMEULEN, J. Dissenting, In which Justice Luk joins.

Because the majority blatantly disregards our own precedent holding in Eight Cartons, I respectively dissent. The majority dispenses with that case’s clear holding, articulated famously by Justice Ranzini, “In the case of food abandonment and placement on ‘free food tables’ and other customary loci of disposal and dispersion, that placement, in some cases, may create a presumption of intention to abandon to the free consumption of such clarity as to approach to irrefutably.” The majority, in its quest to achieve a favorable outcome against admittedly unsympathetic defendants, does away with this ancient rule. I would not so lightly throw our Court’s precedents to the wind.

I dissent.

___
nw7cz@virginia.edu
cl3eh@virginia.edu

[1] See, Students of University of Virginia, the Federalist Society v. Eight Cartons of “Firehouse” Submarine Sandwiches, A Cask of Coca-Cola, and One Bowl of Pickles and Relishes, More or Less, 68 U.Va. 976 (2018).

Hot Bench: Marilyn Hajj L.L.M. '20

Virginia Law Weekly February 19, 2020

Marilyn Hajj L.L.M. ‘20

Hi Marilyn! Thanks for coming to the Hot Bench. Where are you from?

I’m from Lebanon, from the capital of the south called Sidon.

What do you like best about Lebanon?

I love Lebanon. My friends always joke that wherever I go I’m just like a Lebanese ambassador, because the sentence I use the most in every conversation is, “In Lebanon… in Lebanon…” My father is from the south, my mom is from the north, so they have very biased opinions about each region of the country. And I drive a ton in Lebanon, so I have favorite spots, and I love when people talk to me to tell me they want to come visit, and I love to be like a tour guide and show them around.

Why did you decide to get your LL.M. degree?

I just always knew that my passion was to become a professor and to teach. I love research, and I love conferences and just reaching out to other people, other universities, other countries, other legal systems—common law vs. German law, whatever. So, I applied, and the LLM was the option for me as a Master’s degree, in the hopes that I can apply for the SJD here. Fingers crossed.

So, are you saying that Virginia wine is not as good as French wine?

Actually, the best wine that I’ve ever had in my life was in Georgia—the country. Just better than French wine, and the bottles are the cheapest. Communism tastes so good.

Let’s do a lightning round!

What’s your anti-stress hobby?

Playing with my hair.

What’s your favorite word?

My favorite word in Arabic is “walaw.” Basically, it’s a tiny word that you say when someone tells you, “thank you,” you say, “walaw.” It means, “and if I could,” so basically it means “and if I could do more, I would have done more.” And I love it.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

I would love to live in Tbilisi in Georgia, so pretty. Honestly, I could see myself living a long while in Charlottesville, just so cozy and clean and nice. And in Bordeaux. The southern parts of countries, I like.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?

I would just find a way to buy a university and start teaching.

Would you hire all your friends? (#HireMe)

If they’re talented, yes. My criteria would be how theatrical you can be about teaching.

If you could pick one song to play in the background of your life, what would it be?

That’s a hard one. There was one by Rihanna, “I don’t want to do this anymore…” That’s what’s going on right now in my head.

What is your spirit animal?

I feel like the lion. Just obviously with the hair, but I’m also so inherently lazy, like the lion. We’re all just counting on our partners to do it for us.

What are the seven wonders of the Law School?

The free coffee and tea in the library.

The LLM class, absolutely.

Pavilion’s lobby. For the parties.

The staff, just so kind.

Our PAs.

Softball.

ScoCo. The light just reminds you that there’s an outside world is very much needed.

You’re like a social justice person and I want to highlight that. Can you tell us a little about your work before law school?

Basically, I’ve been working since I was sixteen in an NGO in Lebanon. It has a dual purpose: It’s to fight hunger and to fight food waste. On the side of fighting hunger, the NGO had soup kitchens, and through these kitchens I’ve dealt with Syrian refugees, Palestinian refugees, Armenian refugees, and Lebanese people from all around Lebanon.

At my most recent soup kitchen, I was responsible for seventy children, mostly Syrian refugees who were very much abused in camps. I taught them to dance hip-hop so they can relax and just get it out there without being violent, which was a big concern for us. The kids were just unhappy because they weren’t living their childhood. It got to the point where I would arrive at the soup kitchen, and I would have a child on my arm, a child on my leg, and a child in my hair. That was something I was very passionate about because it wasn’t really the main aim of the NGO, working with kids, but it’s something that I felt strongly about, because if I were in their shoes, I would like to have fun and just learn something new.

To promote awareness for the problem of food waste, I did Ted Talks in Lebanon. I used to give a yearly intervention at the Middle East University. Just speaking about what we do, how we can help, and how we can change our habits to reduce food waste is important because in our culture it’s a big, big problem. For us, culturally, if we have an invitation of ten people, I’m going bring enough food for thirty people because I would rather you be stuffed and not able to walk than to not have enough.

___

mh4ap@virginia.edu

Letter to the Editor: 2-19-2020

Virginia Law Weekly February 19, 2020

The UVA SBA Academics and Faculty Relations Committee is interested to know more about what current UVA Law students think about the course offerings for the 2019-20 academic year. To that end, the Committee has prepared a short survey where students can indicate their satisfaction with this year’s course offerings. Your responses will help the committee gauge the level of satisfaction with this year’s course offerings and will provide valuable insight into the academic preferences of current students. The survey can be accessed by visiting http://tiny.cc/SBAsurvey or by scanning our QR code. Please do not fill out the survey more than once. Thank you for your participation.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum: High School Musical

Virginia Law Weekly February 12, 2020

Sam Pickett ‘21
News Editor

High School Musical 3 > OG High School Musical

Lena and I are both huge fans of the High School Musical Trilogy. Beginning in 2006, High School Musical, High School Musical 2, and High School Musical 3: Senior Year, the trilogy follows the journey of two teens, Troy Bolton and Gabriela Montez, from very different worlds as they work to discover who they are and what they believe in.

We both agree that HSM2 is the best movie. The plot? Engaging and aspirational. Who hasn’t wanted to spend the summer working at a swanky summer resort with your friends? The music? Unmatched in any of the other films. “Fabulous” showed us the value of knowing what you want out of life; “Work This Out” taught us that anything can be a musical instrument; “I Don’t Dance” proved that baseball and dancing are the same game; “Gotta Go My Own Way” tore our hearts out and gave me my go-to karaoke song for the rest of my life; “Bet On It” graciously gave us the iconic image of Troy Bolton dancing passionately on a golf course and hitting his own reflection; and “Everyday” put the pieces of our hearts back together. This was also the first movie where we saw Troy and Gabriella kiss, so there isn’t really much argument.

So where do I diverge from Lena? I believe HSM3 is better than HSM1, and to be honest, if you disagree with me it’s because you’re being nostalgic. HSM1 is an excellent movie, but it is also the one where the characters are the least developed, the plot is the simplest, and the music is undeniably the worst.[1]

First, the characters in HSM1 are still at that stage in the trilogy where they embrace their typical high school stereotypes. Chad is still a basketball jock who lacks any big-picture view of life; Ryan and Sharpay are still the snooty theater kids; and Taylor is still the annoying science geek who hates all of the popular people. While the whole point of the first movie is how these characters break out of their shells, I would prefer for there to be no shell at all. The second and third movies are so good, in fact, because the characters are all friends and they have each others’ backs no matter what. The friends are so supportive that in the third movie Chad is even okay with his best friend Troy violating their childhood pact to play at the University of Albuquerque so that he can attend Berkeley to be closer to Gabriela. Watching these characters become more mature is one of the great joys in the HSM universe, and HSM3 is the best example of it.

Secondly, the plot of HSM1 is basic. A boy and a girl discover that they want to break out of the “status quo” society has set for them, but their friends don’t want them to. After some shenanigans, they all learn the value in being who they want to be, and they come together to accomplish all of their goals and everyone is friends. That’s it. It was perfect for 2006, but 2008 (When HSM3 was released) demanded more. In HSM3, the characters juggle the following conflicts: Troy and Gabriela must decide what will happen to their relationship when she goes off to Stanford; they must all organize and plan a musical about their high school careers; Sharpay must fight to maintain her role in the musical after her assistant almost takes over; Troy has to pick a college; and everyone must deal with the impending separation that college will bring. It is riveting. Also, Troy and the East High Wildcats won a championship at the beginning of the movie. How can a movie starting with “Rocketman” hitting a game winner NOT BE AMAZING?

Finally, there’s the music. Oh sweet lawd, the music. It starts with Troy leading a comeback in the state championship game with “Now or Never,” a song so inspirational that I feel ready to write the rest of this article after listening to it just once. It also features a touching moment between Gabriella and Troy, where she gives him the strength to win the game. All very intense. Then there is the classic “Can I Have This Dance?” where Troy and Gabriella dance BEAUTIFULLY and ROMANTICALLY on the roof of the school after TROY has just bought GABRIELLA tickets to the prom. Go watch the video of it and tell me you are not inspired. If Maria[2] saw that and wanted to leave me for someone who could dance like Troy, I would honestly help her because I also aspire to leave myself for someone who could dance like Troy.

I could keep going on about the songs, but I would also like to emphasize how intricate the choreography is for the film. “The Boys are Back,” filmed in a junkyard, features the boys doing sick acrobatic moves with the junk. “Scream” features Troy passionately singing and dancing in the school hallways WHICH START TO MOVE. AND TROY JUST GOES WITH IT. Then there is “Night to Remember,” which I watched the night of my senior year prom to get me hyped up for the main event. I could go on about every song, but I think my point is proven.

This is in grave contrast to HSM1, which features some classics in its own right, like “Start of Something New,” “Get’cha Head in the Game,” “Bop to the Top,” and, of course, “Breaking Free.” But those songs aren’t the ones you want to listen to over and over again. You hear them once, you acknowledge that they’re great, but then you move on. “Bop to the Top” does Bop, but it is also just a bit annoying after a while. Not true with HSM3.

Anyway, in conclusion HSM3 is the second best HSM, and anyone who denies it should re-watch the first and see how much of a difference two years can make in how EXCELLENT a movie can be.

[1] I want to be clear, worst is a relative term. The worst music in the HSM trilogy is still better than most songs in the world.

[2] My girlfriend.

Lena Welch ‘20
New Media Editor

What Team? OG HSM

Please email editor@lawweekly.org if you would like to see two dummies fulfill their upper-level writing requirements by dissecting the High School Musical franchise. I was supposed to cut down my original 1,129-word draft, but I ended up writing more…

I’m quite impressed by Sam’s argument, given how little merit it possesses. High School Musical, which Sam calls “HSM1” even though it is simply HSM, is the best in the HSM trilogy. It not only inspired generations of fans, but it helped to establish the DCOM musical era, a gift that kept giving.[1]

Before I demonstrate the superiority of HSM over HSM3, I want to note a few things about the best HSM film: HSM2. I don’t think I’ll ever be in love with someone as much as I was in love with Zac Efron in 2007. High School Musical 2 and Hairspray? An incredible combo. His darker, Link Larkin hair really made his eyes pop. Songs, summer, Sharpay. To borrow from the Hannah Montana movie, “What’s not to like?” My family had just gotten Verizon FiOS, and new customers were able to access HSM2 a week early. I watched it eleven times in that week (my friends who remember me talking about To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before during 2L fall won’t be surprised by this[2]), memorizing the dances to “What Time Is It?” “All for One,” and “Work This Out.”

I actually watched the premiere of High School Musical at the home of UVA Law alumna Laura Cooley ’18 (L.C.). I can’t describe everything that went down that night, but everyone in attendance knew that our lives had changed with the introduction of Troy.

Whereas Sam feels the characters and plot were nothing special in HSM, I have to respectfully disagree. These characters are complicated with motivations that change as they learn and grow, but they share a very important characteristic: ambition. This movie explains to its viewers that ambition, dreams, confidence, and drive are not things to hide, but things to cultivate and work to achieve. This is a particularly important message because it accompanies Troy and Gabriella’s discovery about themselves. The “shell” is necessary to illustrate that the boxes other people put us in—or that we put ourselves in—do not contain us if we are brave enough to try something new. You mean like going left?

I also want to stan for Sharpay for a moment. Back then, she was my idol. Her fashion was iconic. She was an independent woman who didn’t need no man. She just had to include Ryan (and let me be clear, I adore Ryan) because East High was too afraid to do a humble one-woman show. Now, she is my avatar for my Disney+ account. Mah!

I don’t have space to get into all of the songs, but I want to address something highly important. Some of y’all may know that Drew Seeley provided much of the singing voice for Troy in HSM. Maybe I’m just a Drew Seeley believer,[3] but I’m not sure Zac Efron could hit the right nOoOoOote in 2006, so it’s a good thing they brought in a ringer. Nevertheless, Drew Seeley could never do what Zac Efron did in his acting performance. You can’t fake his chemistry with Vanessa *Anne* Hudgens.

To try to touch on every song here are some stream-of-consciousness notes I wrote during Nonprofit Organizations because contrary to Sam’s argument above, these songs are exceptional:

The “Start of Something New” it was. Having just attended a karaoke night on iTrek, I feel prepared to say that this karaoke night was special. I actually stood on a coffee table to sing along when I watched on December 31, 2019. There’s no better song to ring in a new year.

“Getcha Head in the Game.” Again, shouts to Drew Seeley. The dancing is amazing, with some of the best prop work of all time.

“What I’ve been Looking For.” When my sister and I acted out this song, we would trade off between Ryan and Sharpay. Sharpay gets a time step, but Ryan gets jazz squares and a one-handed cartwheel. But, y’all, this is why we gather in this hallowed hall.

Reprise. On re-watches, it maintains the emotional power from the first time you saw Troy step forward. “I’ll sing with her.”

~*~CALLBACKS~*~

“Stick to the Status Quo.” I celebrated Thanksgiving with one of my childhood best friends. I can’t remember why, but at some point she and I burst out in a near-complete rendition of “Stick to the Status Quo.” Plus, this song features two of the loves of my life: baking and homework. Just kidding. But baking. Crème brûlée, baby.

“When There Was Me and You.”[4] The weak point of the movie, but it leads to the “But I”/“Me Neither” lines. Two of the most devastating lines of all time.

Pause for Troy singing on Gabriella’s balcony. It’s a pairs audition, baby.

“Bop to the Top.” Honestly, justice for “Bop to the Top.” Sharpay and Ryan are performers. They are here to entertain. And they would be happy to do it again for their fellow students, an audience they deserve.

My biggest issue with “Bop to the Top” is that there’s no way in this fictional world where Kelsey Nielsen wrote the winter musical that “Bop to the Top” exists in the same musical as “What I was Looking For (Reprise)” (because “if you do that part with that particular song I imagined it much slower,” “If…”) and “Breaking Free.”

“Breaking Free.” Look at me, right at me. And I have every day since Troy said that. This song made a couple of stars. There’s no denying it. And it could have made a couple more.[5]

“We’re All in this Together.” There’s no separating this song from High School Musical. The dance was so iconic that L.C. and I pitched some of the moves for our eighth-grade tap recital. I don’t think I could forget the moves if I tired. The song also features the characters in their most quintessential states (looking at you, Ryan, hip thrusting before your solo and jumping into everyone’s arms).

When we get to High School Musical 3, things had changed. I went to the movie opening night[6] with my friend Courtney, and I dressed up as Troy in the “The Boys are Back” scene. Don’t get me wrong, I was enthralled. If HSM2 is the Zac Efron abs movie (which don’t hold up on re-watches because we all know the heights he will reach in Baywatch), HSM3 is the Zac Efron’s outstretched arms movie. And the HSM line I quote most often is from the third movie: “Yo, yo, yo. It’s lunch time.” But the large scale diminished some of the things I loved about High School Musical, such as the CG fireworks over a grassy hill at what should be a snowy ski resort or dances that I can pick up in just a few viewings. How am I supposed to learn the dances in HSM3 without a partner? Because no one wants to the learn these dances with me. HSM3 also does my girl Sharpay dirty. She learned so much in the first two movies, and then they cast her as the villain once again. We all know who the real villain is: the costume designer who always gave Troy a shirt.

___
shp8dz@virginia.edu
lw8vd@virginia.edu

[1] Where would we be without Camp Rock? And I’m dead serious. I’ve seen the Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato upwards of ten times in concert.

[2] Email editor@lawweekly.org if you want me to review the sequel, P.S. I Still Love You.

[3] Seriously, scope out Another Cinderella Story, to get some more D.S. in your life. I’ve seen that movie at least five times, mainly to try to figure out if Selena Gomez is doing *any* of the dancing.

[4] If you’ve never liked When There was Me and You, I recommend watching High School Musical: The Musical: The Series, a Disney+ show that features a decent rendition in the sixth episode.

[5] Before law school, I worked at Johns Hopkins University, and I had to accompany the baseball team to Florida for their spring break games. During this time, the upperclassmen like to initiate the new kids by making them sing. And often they make the staff do this as well. I am a terrible singer, but I’m not quite as bad as my favorite student-athlete of all time, a kid I call Long Island. So, Long Island and I decided we would sing Breaking Free. Fortunately, the upperclassmen called on Long Island when I wasn’t there. He sang Sweet Caroline, and when they asked me to sing on the bus ride back to campus, I said no. And that was that. A star was not born.

[6] October 24. Which is now my best friend’s birthday, but I will always remember it because it was the night HSM3 came out.

Court of Petty Appeals: 1L Cookie Monsters v. UVA

Virginia Law Weekly February 12, 2020

1L Cookie Monsters v. UVA Law
370 U.Va 100 (2020)

"I have had a very long day; I am very small; and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress that I am under."

While comedian John Mulaney uttered these words in his 2015 Netflix special The Comeback Kid to describe the life of an elementary schooler, he also inadvertently articulated the plight of thousands of first-year law students across the nation. To be sure, law students of all years may relate to Mr. Mulaney's proclamation, but it is recognized that the days of 1L seem longer, that the 1Ls are indeed smaller in knowledge and experience, that they have no money nor any immediate prospect of money on the horizon, and that they are thus slightly more frazzled. It is within this context that the 1L class stands before the Court today. The facts are as follows:

For approximately 16 weeks during the fall semester, the Student Affairs Office hosted a "Weekly Wind Down" (henceforth, WWD) for 1Ls in the Withers-Brown Lounge on Fridays, wherein two to three trays of cookies were always provided with the exception of one week where mini cupcakes were substituted (See, 1L Anti-Cupcake League v. UVA Law 465 CoPA 213 (2019), wherein summary judgment was granted to the defendant after the Court found that mini cupcakes, though constituting a decrease in portion size, were an acceptable substitute for cookies in this singular instance due to the high quality of their buttercream frosting). These WWDs were, of course, pretense to grab as many cookies as their little 1L hands could carry back to the library to stuff their faces with as they read and cried, but they were nevertheless appreciated. Indeed, with a variety of cookie flavors to choose from, what was not to love?

[A two-page criticism of oatmeal raisin cookies, as well as an overview of the differences between a snickerdoodle and sugar cookie and why one should always choose the former, has been omitted.]

The smiles have now faded quicker than the dopamine hits from the sugar, however, as this semester there has been nary a cookie to be found. For three consecutive weeks since the start of spring semester, the 1Ls allege that there have been no WWDs and, by extension, no cookies. They come to us today with three causes of action that will be taken in turn.

The 1Ls first argue that they have an inalienable right to cookies, pursuant to our holding in Law Students Home for the Holidays v. Nosy Relatives 880 CoPA 251 (1988) in which we established that law students had a license to snack however much they so please and that they are entitled to tell relatives who ask if they’ve put on any weight as much. While the Court did indeed establish an inalienable right to snack that does encompass eating cookies, the 1Ls confuse this right with an expectation that the Law School provides them. No one contests that 1Ls have a right to eat cookies––it is the provider of the cookies at issue.

This leads precisely to the 1Ls’ second cause of action: that the Law School has a duty to provide them cookies. One generally does not owe a duty unless falling into one of four categories—statutorily compelled, landowners, custodians, and enablers. The 1Ls allege that the Law School owes a custodial duty to protect their well-being (i.e., hunger) by virtue of them paying tuition to the tune of $63,200 (but, hey, who’s counting?). The court has already ruled on this issue in our landmark decision in Hangry Law Students v. UVA Law 852 CoPA 777 (2015), where it was found in a unanimous decision that the faculty was required to provide sustenance in the form of snacks to law students, wherefore the “Snack Room” was created. The case before us is distinguished from Hangry, however, because students today already have an oasis of snacks in the desert of the Law School from which to seek refuge, that is to say, the “Snack Room,” whereas students before Hangry were left to wander as a collective, hungry Moses through the school. Options, albeit not as scrumptious as a Snickerdoodle, are nevertheless available to all. The Court declines to extend our holding in Hangry to require free cookies for law students at this time.

The 1Ls’ third and final cause of action is that the Law School breached a contract with the 1Ls when they did not continue WWDs in the spring semester. The Law School insists that providing cookies each week was gratuitous and is unsupported by consideration, to which the 1Ls again reply that they are paying $63,200. We side with the 1Ls that sufficient consideration exists. Undeterred, the Law School further insists the 1Ls never accepted any offer of cookies and that it is free to revoke its offer pursuant to UCC Section 2-206(2). UCC Section 2-206(1), however, makes it clear that unless otherwise expressly stated, acceptance by any manner or medium reasonable in the circumstances is valid. The Court can think of no more reasonable manner of acceptance than by eating the cookies which were offered. Furthermore, UCC Section 2-204 states that orders and acceptances exist as a routine process; therefore, since the 1Ls silence was routine in the fall semester, there was no need to specify that they would like the cookies to continue. As such, a valid contract was offered, accepted, and then breached by the defendant. UCC Section 2-713 dictates that the damages be the difference in contract and market price. However, to establish such a difference would require the Court to determine the weekly price of tuition, what percentage went towards cookies, and what a tray of cookies goes for these days. As the Court draws a hard line at participating in basic algebra, damages are instead to be nine trays of cookies (three for each week missed) provided in the WB Lounge on three discretionary days this semester, as well as the reinstatement of WWDs with cookies.

SHMAZZLE, C.J. dissenting:

The Justice sitting by designation (whose name is worse than mine, tbh) has come in hot with this decision demanding that the Law School provide cookies to 1Ls on Fridays. When I was your age, I never got cookies on Fridays, and especially none for free from the school administration. You twerps[1] get free cookies for 16 weeks, hand delivered on literal platters, and you’re now demanding more? While I do love and respect the desire to stick it to the Man, I think the majority is forgetting the second-most important rule[2] of this court: 1Ls always lose. And here again, the 1Ls should lose. If I had written this dissent before 7:21 p.m. the night of production of this paper, I am confident I would have won the hearts of the majority and my decision would have been elevated to the majority decision. But I am a 3L, and this is my last week in charge, so anyone expecting me to do that was definitely expecting too much.

Down with the 1Ls. End the coddling, no more free cookies. Face ConLaw and Property with an empty stomach like your 3L predecessors who came before you.

CALAMARO, J. Dissenting, in which LUK, J. joins:

I fully agree with Justice Shmaezal’s dissent, but believe that it is incomplete. The famous words of philosopher Laura Numeroff come to mind, writing in her opus If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, that “he’s going to ask for a glass of milk. When you give him the milk, he'll probably ask you for a straw. When he's finished, he'll ask you for a napkin.” I believe that Numeroff’s original intent, however, was to warn against giving 1Ls cookies for free, especially when they demand them of the school administration. Indeed, Numeroff later wrote that she would have added, “And when the mouse is done with the napkin, he will ask for a full scholarship from the administration and organize the students to sue the school in to obtain benefits.” These words hold as much weight today as they did in Numeroff’s time, and, indeed, across all times. Clearly cognizant of the burden that entitlements can have on an administration’s budget, Numeroff’s brilliant work has been a guidepost for many great legislators and was even the inspiration for Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged.

Perhaps the majority believes that it is okay to do away with tradition? P’raps they feel that mice like the 1Ls should get anything they want. Giving them only oatmeal raisin cookies is one thing, but, to provide these benefits, when they had no right to them in the first place, is going too far. I support the administration in its willingness to do away with these frivolous cookie programs, the execution of which was half baked at best.

___
bes4cf@virginia.edu
mes5hf@virginia.edu
dac6jk@virginia.edu

[1] Yes, I’m aware half of you are older than me, but by being a 1L you are opening yourself to name-calling by 3Ls, regardless of age or maturity level.

[2] With the most important being, of course, Rule of Petty Procedure 1: We do what we want.

Hot Bench: Jeffrey Stiles '22

Virginia Law Weekly February 12, 2020

Where are you from?

I was born in Peru and spent 10 years there, but in America I’m from near Gettysburg, PA.

What did you do before Law School?

I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Western Samoa after graduating college, but during the several-month gap between that and Law School I worked in a cardboard box factory.

What inspired you to do that?

I worked in some factories during breaks in college (mostly chip and pretzel factories) and really appreciated the perspective it provided. I wanted one last grounding experience in blue collar labor before starting Law School—it certainly did not disappoint. If you ever talk to me in person, this is your warning that bringing up boxes and the cardboard converting industry will get me going on a fifteen-minute monologue about the womb of capitalism.

When did you start thinking about law school?

I took a law course on international protection of human rights while studying abroad in Barcelona that really excited me. The actual material of the course itself was pretty cool, but I really loved my classmates and the way they thought.

What’s something you know now that you would tell yourself coming into law school?

It is okay to know nothing and look stupid. That’s probably how everyone actually feels anyways.

What kind of impact do you hope to have as a lawyer?

I hope I never forget that there are always actual people involved and impacted by the work we do—I hope their encounters with me help them see their inherent value and dignity.

Let’s do a lightning round!

Favorite food?

Picante de Choclo.

Favorite place in Charlottesville?

Not a specific place, but riding my scooter on the roads that meander through the horse farms.

Anti-Stress Hobby?

Dance-llipticaling (dancing on an elliptical).

Pet peeve?

Multiple long dissents that functionally say the same thing.

Favorite word?

Tort (shouted when something less than reasonable is being done).

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Barcelona—the public transportation system is divine and the city is marvelous.

What’s one movie that left an impression on you?

Hunt for the Wilderpeople.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?

After funding a 401(k), I would buy a huge swath of land and sow native wildflowers.

If you could pick one song to play in the background of your life, what would it be?

Donovan’s “Break it Down” aka the song that stole Britney’s “Crazy” (See generally, anyone in Buck’s LRW class).

What is your least favorite sound?

Nicholas Cage’s Voice.

What animal are you most like?

An otter.

Where’s a place you’ve never been, but would like to go?

The Moon.

What are the Seven Wonders of the Law School?

(1) Professor Rutherglen on an exercise bike,

(2) Professor Geis saying “I think that’s right,”

(3) the altars of sustenance (the free food table and Student Affairs),

(4) the neo-classical brutalist architectural style,

(5) the two painted portraits of women I have found,

(6) the water-bottle fill up stations that actually dispense water rapidly, and

(7) the numbering system of Slaughter

If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

We would sing “The Good Old Song” before every final.

___
jps6xb@virginia.edu

Diversity Week: Origins and Reflections

Virginia Law Weekly February 5, 2020

Christina Luk ‘21
Executive Editor

UVA Law’s Diversity Week is coming up on its thirteenth year. Each year, the Law School comes together to affirm our shared commitment to diversity and inclusion and to pledge that prejudice has no place in our community. Diversity Week celebrates diversity with a week of fun events including the Diversity Kick-Off on Monday, an interactive photobooth, a movie screening (Honeyland), a cultural game night, and a panel to discuss Diversity in Big Law with attorneys from top firms.

The origins of Diversity Week start with a “diversity sensitivity campaign” organized by Lambda’s vice-president, Robin Cook ’07, in response to an incident of intolerance. On September 24, 2006, two second-year law students were attacked at Foxfield by a fellow law student for being gay. The attacker asked them if they were gay, if they would prove it by kissing, and, when one kissed the other on the cheek, the attacker threw his drink at one student and called both of them “fags.”[1]

Within the week, a Letter to the Editor had been published in the Law Weekly, penned by the executive members of The Lambda Law Alliance and signed by twenty-one professors and 122 students. The Letter reported that the student who slurred and attacked the couple at Foxfield had apologized and applauded the “overwhelming and immediate support” the student body showed.[2] The Letter went on, though, to make a powerful insight that “neither the gay community here at the Law School, nor the larger community of minority students, can take this comfort for granted. Indeed, we must be ever-vigilant to assure that those who follow in our footsteps will benefit from the same levels of openness and tolerance we enjoy.”[3]

It is to that end that Diversity Week came about and it is to that end now that we would like to share the following student comments on diversity at the Law School:

[1] “Letter to the Editor: Community Must Be Supportive of All Students,” Virginia Law Weekly, Vol. 59. Number 5, September 29, 2006.

[2]Id.

[3]Id.

Jess Feinberg ‘21
Guest Writer

I walk around the Law School with a quiet hum of awareness in the back of my mind that the masculine way I dress marks me as different. Usually, it’s nothing more than that hum, but there are times when I become very conscious that I am being looked at, and as someone who has dealt with body image issues for my whole life, that is an intensely uncomfortable experience. For events like Barrister’s, dressing in a way that makes me feel comfortable with my gender is mutually exclusive to being able to blend in. Despite how much I’d like to, because the FOMO is truly terrible, the thought of being that visible and that different is scary and stressful enough that I’m not even going to Barrister’s this year.

Leah Deskins ‘21
Staff Editor

I think I was first exposed to the idea of “diversity” being a good thing sometime in college. I had grown up in a keeping-up-with-the-Joneses, fairly cookie cutter, middle-class, very white suburban area in Southeastern Virginia. “Diversity” was decidedly not a thing there. But when I started college, I found myself surrounded by people from across the state and country, from all kinds of different backgrounds, and whose approaches to life were so different from mine. It was a fascinating, whole new world.[1]

I’ll skip ahead a little bit: At some point during college, I learned that “diversity” was a good thing. But at the same time, while I knew it had benefits for other people, I felt like I never saw its effects or that it never really affected me. I assumed that whatever the benefits were, they were just beyond my comprehension.

That was my mindset throughout college, and it continued after I graduated. What was wrong with me? I knew diversity could be really valuable, but I felt fake supporting it without really understanding how it worked. And I felt extra guilty because I thought that, because of my own background, I should have been able to appreciate how bringing something slightly different to the table could yield positive benefits. Yes, I had come from a very white, cookie-cutter, definitely-not-diverse area, so maybe I was a little stunted in my ability to really understand the value of diversity, but I had also grown up as part of a very small Jewish community among a sea of Methodists, Catholics, and Baptists, among other Christian denominations. I was often the only connection my friends and classmates had to Judaism. I was an oddball at home. Why couldn’t I figure this “diversity” thing out? Little did I know, part of the problem was that I thought the effects of diversity would always be obvious.

Taking Dean Goluboff’s Con Law class last spring (rather, being automatically enrolled in it as a member of Section A) changed my understanding of the value of diversity.[2] I had never had a Jewish, female, similar-career-field-as-me teacher or role model.[3] I distinctly remember that there was something special about when she asked the class to verbally list the Commerce Clause cases we had discussed and then remarked that it reminded her of the recitation of the ten plagues at a Passover Seder. It made my classroom experience feel a little less sterile. I had the opportunity to learn from someone like me. For maybe the first time, I experienced for myself how being able to relate to someone else because you share something that makes you, perhaps, a little different can have beneficial effects. It wasn’t a huge effect for me, admittedly—I still don’t really understand or love constitutional law (I’m more of a rules girl). But, it mattered, and I felt slightly more engaged in the class knowing that I could relate to a professor in a way I couldn’t relate to many other professors or role models.[4]

The benefits of diversity don’t have to be so obvious that they slap you in the face. And society shouldn’t portray them as such. They can be subtle, and that’s okay. Nor do you need a grandiose experience with the value of diversity to feel its effects. It can make a difference even on a smaller scale.

[1] I remember being shocked that so many people had the guts to wear “Obama” apparel (it was the fall of 2012, right before his reelection) around campus. Little did I know, there is a mysterious realm out there known as “Northern Virginia” that breeds Democrats. Maybe it comes from something in the Potomac River? Maybe eating at that Russian/Uzbek, Rus Uz, restaurant on the corner of Fairfax Avenue and North Randolph Street in Arlington makes people a little more inclined to vote for left-leaning politicians? I don’t know.

[2] No, I’m not talking about Grutter v. Bollinger or Gratz v. Bollinger.

[3] I am DEFINITELY no Dean Goluboff and could not aspire to come even remotely close to achieving her level of academic or personal “coolness,” but she is an accomplished, smart, and spunky person, and there is a lot to admire about that.

[4] I have since looked back at my college days and wondered why I hadn’t had this experience sooner, maybe with a female professor. Then, I realized that all but two of my college professors had been men. *facepalm* Case in point.

Melina Sonis ‘20, LL.M.
Guest Writer

"What does diversity mean to you?" After considering the question, I have found that there is no clear answer to this question. For each individual person, diversity means something different in the various situations of life. As a student, I want to learn from professors with different backgrounds. I would like to be trained to become a person who does not think in a biased way, but rather someone thinks diversely and asks questions critically. I want to debate and discuss various controversial topics, especially with people who do not share my opinion. As a woman, I want to be judged independently of my gender, only by my own performance. I want to have the same educational and promotional opportunities as people of other genders. As an LLM student, I wish to learn more about the different cultures and ethnic backgrounds of my fellow students. I would like to take the opportunity in this international environment to learn how lawyers from other countries think and work and thereby broaden my own perspective on law. As a German, it is important to me that we always remember that diversity means freedom and that this is one of our most important values. Last but not least, as a human being, I want to be treated independently of my origin, my appearance, my sex, and my cultural and religious background, but only on the basis of my own individual personality.

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cl3eh@virginia.edu
jef9xc@virginia.edu
lcd4ew@virginia.edu
mss2bs@virginia.edu

Hot Bench: Arjun Ogale '21

Virginia Law Weekly February 5, 2020

Hi Arjun! Thanks for coming to Hot Bench. We’re happy to have you. Let’s get the party going with some easy questions. Where are you from?

I’ve moved around a lot, but I lived in Texas for several years before coming to Law School.

So would you count yourself as Texan?

Yeah, with the boots and barbecue, no ten-gallon hat though.

Anything else uniquely Texan?

Fracking for oil and riding horses.

When did you start thinking about law school?

I watched Suits. No, that’s not what happened. Junior year of college, when I started working in the IP Patent office at my undergrad and I thought, wow, I can be an engineer and a lawyer.

So what happened to the engineering?

I might still do a little bit. I’m really interested in tech/criminal law, and I hope to use my technical background.

What’s something you know now that you would tell yourself coming into law school?

There are two ways of doing LRW. You could try really hard and get an S, or you could blow it off and get an S. #BestBriefGunners

Let’s do a lightning round!

Favorite food?

My mom’s Indian cooking, it’s unparalleled. I also like Christina Luk’s kimchi fried rice.

Anti-Stress Hobby?

Cooking! Eating out, watching basketball. Actually, that gives me stress. Because I root for my team, and then they lose and that makes me really sad.

How’s Texas Tech doing this year?

We’re ranked, which I can’t say about Virginia. On the topic of basketball, so sad about Kobe Bryant, R.I.P Mamba.

Favorite word?

Rainbow. It’s nice and happy.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Paris. It’s just a beautiful, charming city. I love the Parisian lifestyle. It smells like perfume.

What’s one movie that left an impression on you?

Moonlight. Amazing movie. If I could do one thing not law, I would be in a movie or tv show.

If you could star in your own movie, what would it be about?

It would be a movie about cops and gangsters. I’m not sure which side I would star in.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?

How much money? 500 million? I’d keep five million and go live in Paris. I’d do like Jay-Z said in that one song. I’d invest it and 50 years later it would be 1 billion. Wait, more. Dang. I gotta play this song for you. [The Story of OJ]

If you could pick one song to play in the background of your life, what would it be?

Started from the Bottom by Drake. Where’s that seven wonders question, I want to do that one. I tell you, I read these Hot Benches every week.

What’s your spirit animal?

Charles Barzun.

Where’s a place you’ve never been, but would like to go?

Iceland sounds pretty cool to me. Or Canada, I’ve always wanted to pay our neighbors a visit.

If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

Hmmmm, so I’d be like king for this one rule? Huh. Man, I’d love to be a king. No one should put creamer in coffee. Black coffee is how coffee should be drunk. I would ban coffee creamers.

What are you looking forward to this summer?

Choosing members for VLR. I’m looking forward to all the 1L personal statements.

What about 3L, any plans?

Take more seminar classes and going to more wineries.

Zombie apocalypse, what’s your game plan?

Do all the rules from Zombieland. Most importantly, double tap.

What are the Seven Wonders of the Law School?

(1) Mandy

(2) Kevin Schunk’s softball batting ability, which is just incredible.

(3) Dominique Fenton’s Hair

(4) Jason Dugas putting dates in emails.

(5) Free food table

(6) The Law Librarians

(7) The Law Weekly

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apo8xb@virginia.edu

Court of Petty Appeals: Students v. Over-Eager Administration

Virginia Law Weekly January 29, 2020

Students v. Over-Eager Administration
396 U.Va. 75 (2020)

Pickett, J., delivered the opinion of the Court, in which Luk, Calamaro, Deskins, Luévano, Jones, JJ. join.

Despite UVA Law’s reputation for being the most relaxed of the so-called “T14 Law Schools,” there remain some who seek to stoke students’ law school-induced anxiety, no matter the time of year. Given the insistence of the administration in disturbing students’ substantive due process right to privacy during Winter Break, the Court will restore order by condemning their actions and defining when and how students may be contacted during breaks from school.

On January 6, 2020, plaintiff Lay Z. Boi woke up at 2:00 p.m., excited for another day of doing absolutely nothing and trying to pretend he had never made the questionable decision to attend law school. And yet, as he rolled over to check his phone, he saw the familiar e-mail notification entitled “Daily Docket.” This edition showed one of Boi’s classmates, Johnny Bravo, smiling on the cover, touting his most recent success and attributing it to “not sleeping until 2:00 p.m.” Boi felt as seen as a lady of the house who had decided to take a bath that night, the heat of which was detectable with an infrared heat sensor.[1]

Boi had had enough. Despite his attempts to forget the trauma of fall semester, the Daily Docket reminded him every single weekday that he was a law student and that, as he attempted to rest, there were those who would never stop. He decided that his reasonable expectation of privacy in having an unbothered Winter Break had been violated, so he filed suit in the Court of Petty Appeals.

III

The right to privacy during Winter Break provides that students shall be contacted during Winter Break only if a grade has been posted to SIS (which rarely happens), or if they have become enrolled in a class whose waitlist they were on. The right strictly prohibits the administration from harassing students with emails, particularly those which tout the success of others and seem to scorn students who prefer to spend their breaks curled up with hot chocolate and a movie. The right is particularly unforgiving of emails containing information that is neither relevant nor necessary.

The right to privacy during Winter Break is as old as Common Knowledge itself, and it is a right that can be found in the penumbra of our Constitution’s most important amendments—III and IV. The Third Amendment prevents soldiers from being quartered in American homes, just as this right to privacy prevents emails from the administration from being quartered in the email inboxes of innocent students around the country. And the Fourth Amendment’s protection of people in their persons and effects means that no one should be attacked in their own home by the vicious cyberbullying implicit in the Daily Docket. The right was first articulated, however, in the case of A Few Good Men v. A Few Good Women, 265 U.Va. 12, 97 (2015), where the Court found that Winter Break is discrete and insular time period, which should only be trespassed upon if there is a compelling administrative interest. It has since been refined to a set of rules defining when students may be contacted. Students v. UVA Alerts, 365 U. Va. 15, 25 (2016), recognized the reluctant rule that UVA may contact students in the event of an emergency, though it did remand to lower courts for a determination of how many emails the administration was allowed to send in a span of five minutes.[2] Finally, the most recent case of Young Robert DeNiro in “The Irishman” vs. Old Robert DeNiro in “The Irishman,” 188 Scorsese 30, 45 (2019), established the exception that “students may receive emails about grades and classes, but they should find out such information within a reasonable amount of time and not after four weeks of anxiety induced waiting.”

The administration’s actions were clearly in violation of the right to privacy during Winter Break. The Daily Docket does not inform students of emergencies, nor does it provide information about grades or classes. It is an essential and useful tool during the school year, but a tragic reminder of students’ law school demons during the sainted period of Winter Break.

We hold in favor of the plaintiff and award emotional damages in the form of another week off of school for Boi and the rest of the Law School. By “excluding” a week of school, we help make Boi and his classmates whole after their privacy was so forcibly trespassed upon by the tyranny of authority.

Schmid, J., concurring.

I am in agreement with the majority, and Judge Sam “Sam’s Club”[3] Pickett in their rejection of the bombardment of students’ inboxes with Daily Docket emails, as well as its proper reverence for the continued vitality of the Third Amendment. I write separately to exercise my right as a

Petty Judge of this Petty Court to grouse about whatever I want. This concurrence is aimed squarely at the University’s use of UVA Alerts. In theory, the UVA Alerts are an important and necessary tool to communicate urgent news to the University community. In reality, well…. Let’s just say many alerts are reminiscent of that last paragraph you write when you’re running out of time on a four-hour final exam and you just let the words flow onto the page in whatever haphazard way they tumble out of your brain. What follows are some of the greatest hits of the UVA Alerts.

(1) A recent alert warned us, “Battle Building reported in area of AVOID the area.” (2) Late last July, while 1Ls were consumed with OGI stress,[4] we were comforted in the assurance that “the incident,” whatever it may be, “in area of Fontaine Ave. has been cleared.” (3) Last spring, an email was dispatched alerting us that “Bice House reported in area of .” (4) To my knowledge, at least two recent alerts were entirely blank. (5) Lastly, who can forget when the UVA community was on the lookout for a suspect with the following characteristics unknown: age, eye color, hair color, height, race, sex, and weight.

It is regrettably true that I have no control over the UVA Alert system. However, I am a firm believer in the power of the Court of Petty Appeals and its members to indirectly effect change through publication, one petty rant at a time.

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shp8dz@virginia.edu
ms3ru@virginia.edu

[1] Shout out to Criminal Investigations for this joke.

[2] The limit was one, which the University has repeatedly ignored.

[3] A nickname I have stolen from our beloved newspaper tyrant, Chief Justice Shmazzle.

[4] Don’t worry, current 1Ls, it’s going to be great! See, e.g., Class of 2019 v. 2016-2017 Peer Advisors, 329 U.Va. 1 (2019) (collecting comforting lies told by PAs and other 2Ls and 3Ls about the first year of law school).

Hot Bench: Quinn Conrad '22

Virginia Law Weekly January 29, 2020

Hi Quinn, and welcome to Hot Bench! Where are you from?

Baltimore, Maryland.

What are your favorite places to hang out or eat in Baltimore?

There’s a really cool bookstore near Hampden and an SPCA that I like to go to.

Did you work or volunteer with the SPCA?

No, but we’re always trying to adopt. Actually, we just adopted a kitten over the summer––it was free cat adoption month. His name is Chaos, and he’s crazy.

You’re done with one semester of 1L, congratulations! What are some of your favorite Law School memories so far?

My section is very close and we do a lot together. Also, my three friends and I will get together and bake for everyone’s birthday; we make them whatever treat they want. It’s been really fun, and we’ve made everything from Texas chocolate sheet cake to cream puffs. One day, we made homemade biscuits with honey-butter glaze and a quiche. While baking, there’s one friend who wants to eat more than he wants to bake and another guy who samples everything, so we have to make double what we bring to class.

Favorite book read?

My all-time favorite is The Alchemist; I was surprised by the ending, and the story line really resonated with me. It’s really inspiring.

Secret Hidden Talent? Other than baking?

I can say the alphabet backwards in less than 2 seconds. (verified)

How long would you live in a zombie apocalypse?

If my lifespan was judged by killing zombies in Call of Duty, then not long at all. But, I take notes when I watch 2012 or end-of-the-world movies, so I think I could last a week. Bird Box? I got a lot out of Bird Box.

You are about to get into a fight, what song comes on as your sound track?

“Got Each Other” by the Interrupters.

What is a superstition you believed in or still believe in?

I still lift my feet over railroad tracks, I don’t know what it means, but I still do it. Actually, I have no idea what that superstition actually does

If part of your life was made into a movie, what part of it would be made?

I think probably my first year at VMI, and my first year as a movie would be a mix of one of those real military movies but also The Benchwarmers. I was the only girl in my group; we were doing hill sprints and had to buddy carry each other up the hill. Nobody wanted to pair up with me because I was a girl. So I grabbed this six-foot guy and sprinted up the hill. Then everybody was like “okay, Conrad,” they didn’t even notice until I was halfway up.

During VMI, you studied international studies and Chinese, what was that experience like?

Academically, the I.S. department had some of my favorite professors. The Chinese department was very small, and I was only the second or third class to graduate, so I was very close with my Chinese professor too.

Can you say something in Chinese?

我的中文名字是康妮，我最喜欢的中国菜是biang-biang面。(My Chinese name is KangNi, my favorite Chinese dish is biang-biang noodles).

What is something you want to do or try this year?

If I could learn how to navigate my way around Slaughter Hall this year, that would be a win for me.

What do you do to relax?

I like hiking a lot, and I buy a lot of greeting cards. When I get stressed out I send them out to people, writing to friends and people I haven’t talked to in while.

Now that you’re not training, what is your workout routine like?

I probably run 4-5 days a week and lift four days a week, and dedicate one day to do something fun like a swim, hike, or bike.

What is a favorite food, or comfort food?

Maybe Chinese food, because I order it with my sister and we spend time together.

All of your siblings are/were in military school or are planning to join after college, how did that come about?

Our fun fact is that someone from our family in every generation has served since the Revolutionary War. I don’t know how it got traced back that far, but somebody in our family found it. Serving our country was inherent in the way we were raised, we had an awareness about it, but we weren’t pushed into it or anything. Growing up, my dad would always tell us stories of his training, it was really awesome to grow up learning about his experiences.

We thought it was just going to be our brother, but now all three of us will be serving.

If you could be born in a different era, what would it be?

Oh man, I’m not sure; Back to the Future is the most confusing movie and I cannot sit through it. Hmm, Jane Austen is one of my favorite authors, so it would be cool to go back to that time period, but probably not as a woman!

Favorite place traveled to?

That one’s hard, because Israel is one of the coolest places I have been too (during iTrek). I really liked China; I studied abroad in Shanghai and did Spring Break in Nanjing. Chendu, Xi’an, Hangzhou, Hong Kong, and Beijing are all great cities as well. But I love the French Riviera too.

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qec7ng@virginia.edu

Law Weekly Recaps Fall Softball Season

Virginia Law Weekly January 23, 2020

Will McDermott ‘22
Staff Editor

It took a lot of scheduling via GroupMe polls, but believe it or not, we actually did complete the fall softball playoffs this year. Without further ado, your champions:

Co-Rec Champion –The PArents

The proud PArents: Will Tucker ‘20, Jessica Joyce ‘20, Kevin Schunk ‘21, Samwise Pickett ‘21, Arjun Ogale ‘21, Will Hinton ‘21, Read Mills ‘20, Molly Cain ‘20, Katharine Janes ‘21, Kat Goebel ‘21, Phil Tonseth ‘22. Photo credit Molly Cain ‘20.

Defeated Sermon on the Mound, 32 – 22.

We expected a high-scoring game out of these two teams, and they delivered. Fifty-four runs, wow. That means the teams collectively ran about two and a half miles just lapping the bases. Hey, Sermon, on the bright side, at least you got some cardio during finals (and saw the sun). The PArents ultimately came out on top. We won’t mention the ex-D1 baseball player 1L who played but may or may not have actually been on their roster *cough cough* Phil Tonseth ’22. In any event, kudos to the PAs; way to take down the #2 seed.

Co-Rec Semi-Finalists: 1L Section G

Lost to Sermon on the Mound, 7 – 5.

The 1L underdogs wanted to find their way to the championship, but the seasoned Sermon team was too big of a match. The teams exchanged tense words, and they left it all on the field in this heated contest. I’m impressed that they held Sermon to only seven runs, the same team that put up twenty-two in the championship. Congrats to Section G on a terrific season—a solid showing for the 1L class.

Co-Rec Semi-Finalists: Lonestar Lawyers

Lost to The PArents, 22 – 5.

The Lawyers tried to fight off a strong PA team, but their efforts were to little avail. The PAs started with a strong lead and maintained it throughout the game, pulling further ahead each inning. Congrats on making it to the semis, Lonestar Lawyers; your prize is not having to pay state income tax.

Open Champion – Batmen

Defeated Sneaky Business, 27 – 21.

Sneaky Business is comprised entirely of Darden guys; thankfully, they didn’t win. Even with a strong defensive presence, these two powerhouse teams put up a combined forty-eight runs. The Batmen made several clutch plays that cut off the Darden boys’ momentum at critical times, which probably made the difference in this intense matchup. Congratulations to the Batmen—they were a talented team this season.

Open Semi-Finalists: Humongous Melonheads

Lost to Batmen 29– 28.

Three of Law Weekly’s finest (Nate Wunderli ’22, Tonseth, and I) took a hard loss in this battle. Us Melonheads fought a tight contest, playing with only seven men. Melonheads came out strong and held the lead for most of the game. In the top of the 7th inning, we were preparing for our walk-off, and the Batmen’s bats started heating up—they scored back ten runs (from 19 to 29 – 25). The Melonheads pushed in the bottom of the 7th, scored three but left two men on base, and came up short one run.

Open Semi-Finalists: MEAT

Lost to Sneaky Business 20 – 15.

Even though MEAT came to play, Sneaky’s defense was making all of the right plays. There was only so much each team could do to stop runs, but this matchup came down to the Darden boys ending each inning while MEAT had runners on base. Those runs would have likely put MEAT far ahead.

But hold on, they weren’t the only champions this season. The umps also handed out the “extremely prestigious” NGSL Awards:

Best Uniforms – Nettie Light

Only about half the teams actually had “uniforms,” so the other half was lucky if their players showed up wearing the same color shirt. So props for the creativity, but more importantly, the effort.

Most Likely to Yell at an Ump – The Gentlemen of the Class of 2022

Agreed, I know I personally deserve at least 1/170th of this award. 1L games get heated…someone gets called out on a pitch that hits the plate and the benches clear to calm the captains down, we’ve all been there…right?

Rookies of the Year – Section G

This is well deserved. Section G worked with what they had—they didn’t recruit from out of their section and made it to the semi-finals, where they held the #2 seed to seven runs. For the record, my section team (E) beat them in the regular season, but unfortunately, that means nothing. Their squad showed up to play when it mattered the most.

Most Likely to Ghost – VJILantes

No one likes ghosts. Scheduling games and reserving fields is a hassle, but it’s part of the game.

Team to Watch – Humongous Melonheads

We definitely are the team to watch next season. IMO, we should’ve won in the fall.

Most Likely to Not Have Enough Women – Fed Sox

Also part of the game, finding women who want to play the game. Fed Sox pulled it together and fielded a team for the playoffs, though.

Most Surprising Season – Habeas Porpoise

Winners of the 1L tournament last year, everyone expected this team to have a strong showing this fall. Or, at least, show up to play at all. The team ended up not participating in the playoffs––the Law Weekly isn’t sure if it’s because they couldn’t rally enough players or if they just wanted to quit while they’re ahead. Regardless, NGSL thanks them for the $60 in registration fees.

Always the Bridesmaid – Sermon on the Mound

The #2 seed to start and runner-up to finish. Seems to be a recurring theme with this group over the last few years. There’s always next season, Sermon. And the one after that. And after that.

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wjm7ym@virginia.edu

Hot Bench: Joseph Digirolamo '20

Virginia Law Weekly January 23, 2020

What is your favorite word?

Pugnacious. It includes the name of a dog breed, which is fantastic.

Where did you grow up?

Brookfield, Connecticut.

What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?

Sushi with Austin in Newport Beach, California.

If you could meet one celebrity, who would it be and why?

I would want to meet David Mitchell; he’s a famous novelist who wrote my favorite book, The Bone Clocks.

What’s your favorite hobby to avoid the stress of law school?

Reading fiction novels.

Where is your favorite place to vacation?

Cape Cod. I’ve been going with my family since I was a little kid, so I have years of great memories. I really enjoy revisiting our favorite spots, like Four Seas Ice Cream in Centerville!

What’s something you wish you’d known about law school before coming to UVA Law?

I wish I knew that I didn’t have to worry about finding a community because it’s pretty easy to find one here.

What did you have for breakfast this morning?

I had an everything bagel with herb cream cheese from Bodo’s.

What’s your most interesting two-truths- and-a- lie? (And what’s the lie?)

I had a miniature poodle. I have a twin brother at Columbia Law. I like skydiving. The third one is a lie. I really, really hate heights. I’m probably the person who is least likely to jump into a swimming pool from the edge of that swimming pool.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

London, England. I lived in England for a year, and I would love to live there again one day. I would be able to reconnect with old friends and it’s difficult to find a place with as much history and diversity (people, culture, food, etc.) as London! Also, it’s so easy to travel virtually anywhere in Europe from the U.K.

What’s your least favorite sound?

A fork grating on a plate.

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?

My twin brother gave me an Oxford-English Dictionary when he let me know that the both of us got into the University of Oxford Visiting Student Program. I didn’t know yet, but that’s how I found out.

Backstreet Boys or *NSYNC?

I don’t know the difference.

What is the best concert you have ever been to?

U2 at the O2 in London.

What’s your favorite thing to do in Charlottesville?

Go to wineries. We have a lot of beautiful ones, and many of them are great places to relax for an afternoon with friends.

If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what would it be?

Read at least one novel every year. It’s always helped me get out of my own head for a little while and given me a better understanding of others’ perspectives.

What’s your spirit animal?

A snow leopard.

What’s your favorite food?

Chocolate. I’ve even learned how to make my own!

If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?

I would buy a house on Cape Cod for my parents, give to my favorite charities, and get a new set of golf clubs!

If you had Matrix-like learning, what would you learn?

I would learn other languages. I really enjoy traveling, but I can only speak English, which definitely limits my ability to really engage with the people and cultures of whatever non-English speaking places I visit.

If you could be in the Olympics, which sport would you compete in?

Rowing. I’ve been part of a couple of rowing teams and have always experienced a great sense of camaraderie and team spirit.

Where is a place you haven’t been but want to travel to?

The Nordic countries (Sweden, Norway, etc.). Between amazing natural beauty and great baked goods, it’s hard for me to imagine I wouldn’t love it!

What are you looking forward to after you graduate?

Moving to the same city as my twin brother. We went to the same undergrad together and are very close, so it will be great to be able to see him regularly again.

What are you going to miss most about the Law School?

Everyone I met here!

What are the 7 wonders of the law school?

(1) Wilson Parker’s table near Scott Commons, (2) The bust of RFK, (3) The RFK plaque, (4) The big table in Scott Commons (most often occupied by 3L Section A women), (5) Spies Garden, (6) Professor Frederick Schauer’s office, (7) Caplin Pavilion.

What kind of impact do you hope to have as a lawyer?

Like just about all of us, I would love to be able to help people who cannot afford to gain access, or traditionally have been denied access, to legal services. Also, growing up I watched my Dad, (who was a government lawyer in New York) give legal advice to family and friends when they didn’t know how to navigate the legal system. I similarly look forward to providing guidance to people in my life who are struggling with whatever legal hurdles life throws their way.

Favorite place in Charlottesville?

Lampo pizza. Charlottesville has such a great food scene, but, like many people, Lampo is the standout!

Pet peeve?

The worst thing that can happen to me at the start of a day is for my travel mug to leak in my bag. No one wants that.

What’s one movie that left an impression on you?

Love Actually. I can’t say it was a deep impression, but I’ll always remember Hugh Grant dancing down the stairs in Number 10!

If you could pick one song to play in the background of your life, what would it be?

“The Great Pumpkin Waltz” from Charlie Brown. An absolute classic.

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jad3mv@virginia.edu

Law Students Share Their Holiday Traditions

Virginia Law Weekly November 21, 2019

Kolleen Gladden ‘21
Photographer

Ah, holiday traditions. We all have them; at least, that’s what those who have them seem to believe. For me, seasonal traditions can be chalked up to “things I didn’t realize weren’t only from movies until I saw them in real life” (a truly lengthy and admittedly bizarre list). I’ll never forget visiting another family on Christmas and being utterly baffled by how coordinated the entire event was. There was a communal breakfast, stocking time, present time, obligatory nondescript dialogue on gratefulness, and the entire rest of the of the day was dedicated to “family time,” which apparently just means that you can’t leave the house or use electronics. After several more years of being an adult and witnessing multiple versions of these traditions, I began to think about my own family and our take on the festive season. So, here you have it, the Gladden holiday traditions:

First thing to note about the Gladden holidays; we don’t operate on a timeline. Nothing has to be done on a certain day. Dedicating time for three people to celebrate together is difficult (forget about gathering up the other scattered members of the brood, that’s well near impossible), and we’re not too concerned about it either. We’ve celebrated Christmas in March, Thanksgiving in June, and we usually have some combined day dedicated to all of our birthdays in August. We’ll get there when we get there. As for the actual holidays themselves…

Thanksgiving: For starters, we don’t actually celebrate Thanksgiving. For context, many moons ago, my dad proposed to my mom after their third date (they are, by all definitions, highly efficient people). Neither of them could afford to take off of work, so they eloped on Thanksgiving Day. They don’t remember the specific day and they’ve never cared enough to calculate, so we celebrate their anniversary on Thanksgiving, unless, of course, we’re busy. When the time does come, we pack up the car and drive to Branson, Missouri, or as the locals refer to it, “the Evangelical Las Vegas.” Branson has many things, but perhaps its best feature is Silver Dollar City, an 1800s themed park. A season pass costs less than 75 cents a day, and Thanksgiving Day is the prime time to go. Nothing quite says “happy anniversary” like no line for the wooden Outlaw Run roller coaster.

Kolleen Gladden ‘21 says of this picture: “This is my fam bam, look at ‘em.”

Christmas: Christmas is a fun one. Our celebration plan is simple. We read the Christmas story from the gospel of Luke, go on a ten-mile run together, and then go to IHOP (a particularly fun rarity, as my family almost never eats out). Sometimes we do gifts, and by that, I mean my father does gifts. His strategy is to box up items that my mother and I have either misplaced or forgotten about throughout the year and present them to us with glee. “You always get something you wanted at some point,” he once explained. Over the years, I have been reminded of the existence of many hoodies, hats, and scarves, but my favorite gift came in December 2018. On Christmas Day, I opened a tenderly wrapped box to reveal a blanket bearing a smiling picture of me and my first serious (ex)boyfriend, a gift that same boy had presented to me years ago. “How did you even find this?!”

“I bet you’d forgotten all about that blanket!” my dad beamed with pride. He wasn’t wrong.

Days later, things again took a turn as I was relaying this story to my second serious ex (who had, for context, known my first boyfriend), who I’d ended things with several months prior. His eyes widened with interest. “Obviously, you don’t want the blanket, right? Can I have it??” I’m not sure what should concern me more—that he quite seriously wanted this blanket, or that the request didn’t surprise me in the slightest. Either way, if you see a bearded man strolling through Oklahoma City proudly wearing a blanket with my face on it, mind your business.

Anna Bobrow ’20
Guest Writer

My immediate family and I are practicing Jews, but my mom’s extended family is Christian. Every year, my holidays are filled with celebration and family time from both the Jewish and Christian traditions.

Growing up, we (my mom, dad, and identical twin brothers) would celebrate Hanukkah at our home in Charlotte, NC, by lighting the Menorah, eating homemade latkes cooked on an electric fryer on the back porch, and exchanging small gifts each night. At our peak, we lit twelve Menorahs at once (definitely a fire hazard). On Christmas Eve, we would either attend a traditional Christmas dinner with a mix of Jews and non-Jews that was hosted by a Rabbi friend, or we would go out for Chinese food and a movie, a tradition of many American Jews. On Christmas Day, we would pile into our minivan, play Christmas CDs, and drive from Charlotte to Northern Virginia to see my mom’s family. I am one of six cousins on my mom’s side, including Christian Knoble (UVA Law ’20), and we all were born within 2.5 years of each other. By virtue of being close in age and good friends, the cousins would always get up to some sort of adventure or trouble over the holidays. We would open gifts under the tree and enjoy a Christmas meal of roast beef and turkey cooked by my aunt (Christian’s mom).

As our family changes, so too do our traditions. Yet, family time has remained constant. My immediate family has started dialing into a conference call line so we can recite the Menorah blessings together each night, even when we are not physically together. We are often joined by Jewish relatives from my Dad’s family. Instead of driving up on Christmas Day, we usually arrive in Northern Virginia before the Christmas holiday, where we help my grandparents decorate their Christmas tree with decorations from my mom’s childhood and eat Christmas Eve dinner in their apartment. When Hanukah coincides with Christmas, we light the Menorah with my grandparents and bring latkes. Side note: cranberry sauce and latkes is a winning combo. We still look forward to a big Christmas Day celebration at my aunt and uncle’s house, although our traditional meal is now enchiladas.

Being part of an interfaith family has taught me not only about differences in belief and practice, but also about the common values that bind us. From my experience, holiday traditions serve an important role in strengthening ties with family and friends. I consider myself lucky to have ties to two religious traditions that bring us together each year.

Meg McKinley ’21
Guest Writer

Every Christmas Eve, my family gathers around the table to eat the same meal we’ve shared for years—a Panda Feast from Panda Express. After crying together over the hot peppers and false hope in our fortune cookies, we move to the living room to open our first presents of the holiday. Every year, mom gets us all pajamas in the spirit of The Santa Clause(minus the monogram) and new Christmas ornaments. Mine tend to be law themed, e.g., a ceramic orb with a charming Christmas dinner scene that declares “Law School: the weak are killed and eaten.”

On Christmas morning, we’re all up at the crack of dawn to glare at Dad as he slowly reads the longest version of the nativity story in the gospel of Luke. At long last, the family opens presents and shares a breakfast of monkey brains (bread & molasses). Later in the day, we’ll watch a couple of TNT’s 24 hours of A Christmas Storywhile snacking on the graham cracker “ginger bread” houses we built around old cartons earlier in the month.

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kcg3ar@virginia.edu
agb4cb@virginia.edu
mm4dq@virginia.edu

Tweedledee and Tweedledum: Christmas Music in November

Virginia Law Weekly November 21, 2019

Nate Wunderli ‘22
Staff Editor

I took this girl on a date once. I picked her up, walked her to my car, and got the door for her like any gentleman would do. It was mid-November, it had just snowed, and I had some Christmas tunes playing in my car. Less than five minutes into the drive, to my great dismay, she pushed the radio button, thwarting my Christmas music playlist with a swift stroke of her pointer finger. It was in that moment I realized: People don’t joke around about when they start listening to Christmas music.

Admittedly, listening to the occasional Mariah Carey, Justin Bieber, or Bing Crosby Christmas songs in the middle of July puts me in a rare class of individuals who simply do not care about any arbitrary rules regarding when someone should or should not listen to Christmas tunes. But mid-November? What kind of heart of unwashed socks, appalling dump-heap of a soul, full of gunk, with the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile[1]kind of person refuses to listen to Christmas music in mid-November? Turns out, a lot of people, and this article is about why they are wrong.

The Christmas season is a time for family, a time for giving, peace, joy, and love. Buddy the Elf[2]put it best when he said, “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” It was Christmas music that first led the Grinch to reconsider his original belief that Christmas is a commercial enterprise-centered hoax; for when he stole all the gifts from Whoville, he expected the Whos to be sad and miserable. Instead, he found them singing with joy and happiness. Indeed, nothing warms the soul much more than a stirring rendition of Hark! The Herald Angels Sing, or brings peace and calm more than Silent Night.

Andy Williams was on to something when he sang that the Christmas season is The Most Wonderful Time of the Year. Now, if you want to put rules around when you can or cannot celebrate the most wonderful time of the year, then go ahead. But for me, I’d like to celebrate it when and wherever I would like, for as long as I can, whether that means November, January, or even June. Sometime this year, on a cold early/mid-November day, when contracts class got me down, I will have myself a Merry Little Christmas, pretend I’m Rocking Around a Christmas tree, hear those sweet Silver Bells, smell the Chestnuts Roasting on the Open Fire,[3]and think to myself: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas. And all you can do is watch, and painfully wait, until November 28 when you can join in on the fun. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can ditch your preconceived misconceptions, throw away the shackles that bind you, and let your heart grow three sizes to where, like The Grinch himself, you can capture the true spirit of Christmas.

The grinches among you will lie and tell you that if you start listening too early then you will get sick of Christmas songs, or that one month is plenty of time to listen to them. Now I’m not suggesting you listen to solely Christmas music starting in November, or even December for that matter. But mixing in some Christmas music, no matter what time of year—especially when the days grow dark and cold—and cuddling up with a warm cup of hot chocolate and staring at a fire is something you don’t have to wait to enjoy. So, all you grinches out there, join us, because the warmth, light, and pure giddiness that comes from a good Christmas song is coming to town earlier than expected this year, will make your days merry and bright, and who knows, may even find you under the mistletoe.[4]

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nw7cz@virginia.edu

[1]Borrowed these lines from The Grinch.

[2]What’s your favorite color?

[3]Has anyone ever actually roasted chestnuts on an open fire?

[4]The Law Weekly will not be held liable if love doesn’t jingle bell rock your world this Christmas.

Michael Schmid ‘21
Production Editor

“It’s an abomination.” “It’s like getting a new dog before your old dog dies.” What has provoked this level of histrionics (coupled with an unnecessarily sad analogy)? The scourge of the sensible and the prudent: Christmas music before Thanksgiving.

So far, there has been a one-sided battle for end-of-the-year holiday hegemony. Christmas season creeps ever earlier in the year, blending with Halloween season for a blurry, disorienting mix of jack-o-lanterns and Last Christmason the radio. Up to this point (in the true spirit of the holiday, bless its heart) Thanksgiving has quietly accepted Christmas music encroaching on its domain. My fellow editor talks of stifling “rules” placed upon him by restricting Christmas music until after Thanksgiving. I draw my response from The Big Lebowski: Christmas has gone over the line. This is the holiday season, there are rules! It’s time for Thanksgiving to start fighting back.

First of all, it is entirely beyond me how anyone who has worked or currently works in retail could advocate for moreChristmas music. Hearing the one-hour loop of Christmas songs over and over each shift wasn’t enough for you? You want more?! Second, this is Virginia; there are actually four seasons. Unlike warmer climes to our south, Christmastime will have (at least somewhat) Christmas-y weather. This means that hearing White Christmaswhen the leaves have barely changed and some people are still wearing shorts is just downright unnecessary, people.

Thanksgiving has had a bit of an image problem. I admit it and I will offer some of my own solutions.[1]First of all, any holiday that nobody is quite sure when it will be starts at a bit of a disadvantage. My take: Embrace that element of surprise! You know it will be sometimein November, and it’ll be on a Thursday, but that’s about all you’ve got. Just go with the flow and enjoy this floating holiday! Second, since Canadian Thanksgiving takes place in October, you can celebrate the same holiday twice in two months! Finally, overshadowed by Christmas as it is, the November holiday’s role as an incubator for family conflict has only grown in recent years. My response? Don’t focus on the negatives, look to the positives![2]Thanksgiving has food, friends, family, and is a bullet-proof justification for why you aren’t outlining and instead eating pumpkin roll and watching football.

Maybe Thanksgiving needs its own songs. Think about it: Halloween has its own songs;[3]Christmas has its own songs. I think it is time for the Thanksgiving-industrial-complex to churn out some bangers to beat back Christmas music. If people want music, give them music! Any song that seamlessly rhymes the word “cornucopia” is sure to be an instant hit.

Christmas in its purest (read “de-commercialized”) form is a decidedly wonderful holiday predicated on kindness, selflessness, and togetherness. But part of what makes Christmas so special, to borrow from a song which should notbe played right about now, is that it “comes this timeeach year,”[4]not all year. It is that ephemerality that enhances the allure[5]of the season. Also, “c’mon on, man.”[6]Truly, “the fact of the matter is”[7]you’re hurting Thanksgiving’s feelings by forgetting about it. At least out of deference to a truly underappreciated holiday, give Turkey Day its time, then go all-in on Christmas music. I’ll be spending the next week dusting off my synthesizer and recorder to prepare my EP of Thanksgiving Hits.

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ms3ru@virginia.edu

[1]I will bill you for this work later, Turkey Clause.

[2]PSA: For real, though, don’t ask anyone what they’re “planning to do after graduation” or even mention the word “caucuses.”

[3]Ok, all that comes to mind is “Monster Mash” and maybe the Ghostbusters theme song but that’s still more than Thanksgiving has got.

[4]The Beach Boys, Little Saint Nick(1964) (emphasis added).

[5]Thesaurus.com tells me a good synonym for “allure” would be “bedroom eyes” and that’s just gross.

[6]Source: Joe Biden in every campaign appearance so far.

[7]Id.

Court of Petty Appeals: Law Weekly v. COPA Copiers

Virginia Law Weekly November 21, 2019

Law Weekly v. CoPA Copiers

999 U.Va 963 (2019)

SCHMALZL, C. J., delivered the opinion of the Court, in which RANZINI, ELICEGUI, and WELCH, JJ., joined.

Chief Justice SHMAZZLE delivered the opinion of the Court.

The Facts

A short time ago, the Law Weekly received an email from a seemingly innocent group of 1Ls at another law school. “Dear Editor,” they began, “we are 1L students at [$10 if you can guess the law school]. We recently came across an edition of your Virginia Law Review Weekly[1]and were inspired by your ‘Court of Petty Appeals’ column.”

“Inspired?” this Court thought. We read on:

“We do not have anything similar at [seriously, $10 if you guess which law school this is from] and we would love to get something started! Given your long and successful history, we were hoping that you could answer a few questions and give us some advice as we take the first steps to develop our own version.”

The Court read the rest of these starry-eyed, confused 1Ls’ questions, which included questions about the constitution this Court follows,[2]how we develop our common-law system and when a case is established as binding precedent,[3]as well as how parties argue their cases. This Court was extremely flattered that someone thought we have an actual processfor how we do things here, but this Court also couldn’t believe someone thought we have an actualprocess for how we do things here. Therefore, the Law Weekly did what any attorney would do: We sued them.

The Complaint

The Law Weeklymembers sue on two main counts. First, plaintiffs complain of an attempted copyright infringement since defendants are trying to take their idea and replicate it in a different market; they seek an injunction barring the new wannabe-CoPA. Second, plaintiffs allege negligent gullibility in believing that the CoPA justices actually have any reasonable method to how they (aka we) write opinions, and that this Court provides any type of “due process” in allowing people to argue for themselves; on this claim, plaintiffs seek damages to punish defendants for their senselessness. The Court addresses each issue in turn.

Attempted Copyright Infringement

First, the claim that defendants are infringing on a Law Weeklycopyright by trying to create their own version of the Court of Petty Appeals. Plaintiffs claim that having another Court of Petty Appeals would infringe on this Court’s “exclusive jurisdiction as provided in its copyright documentation” and that it would “cramp its style because it likes being a monopoly.” While I appreciate the long-standing exclusive power that this Court has,[4]plaintiffs have failed to provide any documentation that they do, in fact, actually have a defensible copyright claim that defendants can infringe upon.

Tbh we don’t really get copyright law but let’s have a go at this. Defendants argue that no copyright actually exists and further argue that this Court cannot act in such an anti-competitive way as to rule against defendants, allowing this monopolization of the market to continue. Plaintiffs rebut this claim, arguing this “isn’t about antitrust law” and, even if it is, they “deserve an exemption because this Court has been around since your grandparents were learning to walk.”[5]

The Court is in a tricky position here. On the one hand, allowing a competitor to enter the market could be the beginning of our destruction, a return to the bad old days of the early teens when the Law Weeklyran super-annoying frat articles about what people wore. See, e.g.,Any Law Weekly Issue From 2014.[6]On the other hand, the majority here is all composed of 3Ls. We’re gettin’ preeeeetty close to graduation here and can’t really be bothered to care about, like, our posterity. Or whatever. See Class of 2016 v. Mahoney, 712 U.Va. 110 (2016) (handoff of student orgs moved up to February from April because 3Ls are useless).[7]Plus, as Sporky from Toy Story 4would say, the plaintiffs’ arguments are straight up “trash.” And, while trash arguments may fly in a real courtroom, we like to mix things up a bit.

After some thought,[8]us burnt out 3Ls have come to this: While we care deeply about the health and prosperity of this Court, yada yada yada, we also can’t be expected to care that much anymore. We’re just trying to get to graduation. That being the case, we flipped a coin and hereby decide to allow defendants to pursue their own version of the Court of Petty Appeals. However, should this Court ever feel threatened that their CoPAs are better than ours, we reserve the right to send ANG to egg their houses and thumbs down them for beating us at our own game.

Negligent Gullibility

The second claim plaintiffs allege, and really the more important one in the Court’s eyes, is negligent gullibility by defendants for believing this Court actually has a meritorious system for deciding cases. The elements of negligent gullibility are well-established by our case law: (1) negligence and (2) gullibility. See Class of 2019 v. Their PAs, 878 U.Va. 1 (2019) (“Lol you guys seriously bought that whole ‘no one remembers your cold-call screwup’ bullshit?”)

It’s clear here there was some serious gullibility. We think we’re pretty obviously not doing anything real with these opinions. Most of our decisions are outcome-based, jurisprudentially aggressive, and devoid of any reference to precedent. If you’re thinking to yourself, “So are the Ninth Circuit’s,”[9]lol @ you for thinking they’re a real court.

Defendants offer no defense for this claim, and the Court cannot think of any justifiable defense for believing that members of this Court actually know what we’re doing.[10]Seriously, did you see last week’s opinion ruling in favor of people who fill up their huge water bottles between classes? Like what the hell is that about? That Bill Re guy, smh.

In line with our well-established precedent, namely that 1Ls always lose,[11]we rule in favor of plaintiffs on this claim.

Because plaintiffs’ copyright infringement claim is denied, so is their request for an injunction. But plaintiff’s negligent gullibility claim is granted: Defendants are ordered to buy any UVA summer associate at their firm this year a beer to make up for having been so foolish.

IT IS SO ORDERED.

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mes5hf@virginia.edu

[1]Their name, not ours; like we’d want anything to do with Law Review gross.

[2]Lol, wut.

[3]Complex process, lots of vodka, some coin-flipping. We won’t bore you.

[4]It’s good to be queen.

[5]The Court would like to clarify that we have only been around since approximately 2015 as far as we know.

[6]But actually please don’t, they’re horrible.

[7]For those concerned about the Court violating the Judicial Code of Ethics by choosing to rule on a case in which it has a personal interest, the Court points you to Petty Rule of Civil Procedure 1: We do what we want.

[8]And a few glasses of wine.

[9]That one’s for you, Professor/Vice President/Overlord Jeffries.

[10]Except maybe that they’re 1Ls who are sweet and credulous and excited to use big new legal words like “constitution”?

[11]See1L Gunners v. Everyone Else, 324 U.Va 22 (2019) (stating this well-established precedent).

Hot Bench: Ben Hawkins '20

Virginia Law Weekly November 21, 2019

Ben Hawkins ‘20

Where are you from?

Richmond, VA.

Where did you go to undergrad?

Virginia Commonwealth University.

What did you do between undergrad and law school?

I did a series of environmental fieldwork jobs, including a wolf study in the Canadian Rockies—I howled and collected hair and scat samples from dens. I also got an M.S. studying with pastoral herders in Kenya and worked at an environmental non-profit, the James River Association, in Richmond, VA.

What is your favorite kind of wolf? What makes a good wolf call?

A black Grey Wolf with golden eyes. The key to a good wolf call is really believing in your howl.

Do you have any pets?

I just got a hound puppy named Henri! Also, R.I.P. Oz 11/5/2017.

What are you involved in at school?

I play bass in a band called “The Gunners.”

How long have you been playing bass? How did you get started?

I have played guitar for 15 years, but because Read Mills and Ben Lucy are such excellent guitarists, I offered my services on the low end. I am officially converted to bass, and I am obsessed.

What song would play in the background of your life?

You Can Have the Crownby Sturgill Simpson.

What is your favorite part of being in The Gunners?

Being in The Gunners has deepened my connection to the Law School culture, Charlottesville, and, most importantly, with my fellow band members Leah Deskins ’21 (trumpet), Katherine Janes ’21 (vocals), Will Tucker ’20 (sax), Ben Bhamdeo ’20 (drums), Read Mills ’20 (guitar/vocals), and Ben Lucy ’20 (guitar/management).

What has been your favorite show thus far?

Every show at Crozet is fun, but especially Fauxfield with Special Guest Professor Kimberly Ferzan.

What’s your favorite song to play?

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrel. The bassline by James Jamerson is one of the greatest of all time.

What is your relationship status?

I am engaged to 3L Jane Riddle.

Tell us a little bit about your love story and proposal!

We met in our 1L section (A!), became best friends, I became her tenant/landscape technician, we dated, then broke up, then I asked her to marry me on the beach in Sandbridge, VA during a full moon rise. She agreed.

What are you doing after graduation?

I will be in the Technology Transactions Group at Wilson, Sonsini, Goodrich & Rosati in Washington, D.C. and starting a band with UVA Law grads to play all of your weddings and corporate events!

Let’s do a lightning round!

Favorite food?

Broccoli.

Favorite place in Charlottesville?

Salvation Army on Cherry Ave.

Anti-Stress Hobby?

Learn a new song on bass.

Pet peeve?

Events with “Welcome & Introductions” on the program.

Catch phrase?

“I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.”

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Petersburg, VA.

What’s one movie that left an impression on you?

Parasite.

If you won the lottery, what would you do with it?

Buy a bunch of ridiculous bass gear.

What is something at which you’re elite?

Dog sitting.

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bmh2gd@virginia.edu